# Redneck IQ Test

Discussion in 'Education' started by Mr. P, May 18, 2006.

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### Mr. PSenior Member

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Abbey made me do it!

I am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South. I challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam:

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
(B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle, or
(C) '64 Pontiac GTO.

3. If your uncle builds a still, which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?

4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw, which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone
layer?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?

8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?

9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during this shift?

10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the interstate highway to breed a country and western singer?

I betcha thought that test was gonna be an easy one, didn't you? It's okay if you didn't do all that well. Just goes to show you... There's a hole heap of things that big city book learning don't prepare you for in this life.

As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK CHALLENGE" here's some Southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece... Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with 'em.

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### HobbitSenior Member

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1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

I think a 2-incher will do it, though I'd go with 3 to be safe.

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
(B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle, or
(C) '64 Pontiac GTO.

Not enough information. It depends on which river you're closest to.

3. If your uncle builds a still, which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?

Could range from about 5-30, depending on which car they came from.

4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw, which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?

Union or non-union?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone
layer?

Depends on the state. Sparsely populated Arkansas could cause less than 1%, while Georgia could cause some problems.

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

Approximately 6, though 7 is possible.

7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?

Yes, provided that only half of them have a deep freeze.

8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?

Arkansas, 20-1 against. Georgia 2-1 for. Tennessee 4-1 against. North and South Carolina 50-50. Virginia 4-1 for. Louisianna and Mississippi question invalid. No hills.

9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during this shift?

Union or non-union?

10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the interstate highway to breed a country and western singer?

Depends on the proximity to Nashville.

• Thank You! x 1
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### GunnyGold Member

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Just what're you tryin' to say?

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### Abbey NormalSenior Member

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Ever notice that redenck humor is the one stereotype libs don't get all sensitive about?

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### dilloduckDiamond Member

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White people are fair game. There are far too many of us.

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### CSMSenior Member

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Silly rednecks! Us Yankees don't need no eye-cue test to tell us how smart we are!

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### CSMSenior Member

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I decided to take yer stupid test...just to show how silly it is. Every one up here knows rednecks ar dummer than a bag of hammers.

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### GunnyGold Member

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Well, just to piss in your Wheaties, you got the car thing COMPLETELY wrong. You have heard of that redneck sub-cult NASCAR? Those folks only have pickups to haul parts for their 69 GTO's. They will spend an average 4 hours a day taking the bolts out of the engines (that are missing *only* a crankshaft in order to run) and/or measuring the numbers on the primered doors to ensure they placed properly. Odds are good the headliner will be duck-taped and don't forget the all-important steering wheel comfort grip and Hurst shifter knob. Hell, that's got to be 100 hp right there.

And we "dumb" rednecks know haw smart y'all Yankees are too. Y'all have teh distinct honor and privilege of counting among your numbers Ted Kennedy, John Kerry, Chuck Schumer, Billary Clinton .... need I go on?

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### Mr. PSenior Member

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And they don't have a clue of how ya make sweet tea!

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### Abbey NormalSenior Member

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Let's not forget John Murtha. I'm right in the thick of it. Around here, people just assume you're liberal, and launch into diatribes against Bush, the war, anything and everything. It can be quite nauseating at times.

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