Raising Kids

[PK1]

Being a police officer is not only a noble vocation, but it is one that can provide pretty good compensation, depending on the municipality for which one works. It is not uncommon for young cops to move once or twice in order to get the best combination of working conditions and compensation. In my area (Western PA), many cops earn more than 100k in total.

Most big city police departments also have systematic ways of getting overtime compensation and/or side gigs to make extra money. Ultimately, cops can retire early enough to have quite fulfilling careers after police work, all while collecting a pension.

No honest person gets rich being a police officer, but all in all, for one's entire working life, the compensation is at least as good as most college grads can expect.

The word "hero" is over-used and mis-used constantly in our culture - it is sometimes nauseating. But the word actually refers to someone who risks or gives their life for the benefit of others. Police, firefighters, and soldiers are REAL heroes, because they constantly are willing to place their own lives and safety in jeopardy to benefit total strangers.

To tell a kid that there is something "wrong" with being a cop (rather than out of concern for his safety) is perverse in the extreme. Shame on any father who does such a thing.

I agree, in general, with your opinion.
However, i can understand the extremist concerns that Glasnost expressed, depending on the region's police culture, policies, and training.

Ideally, being a voluntary member of a military unit or police force is a noble reflection of the safety profession ... if the member's motivation is not mostly for salary & power narcissism, especially without sensitivity to cultural concerns.
In many regions, police officers don't get sufficient training in dealing with impoverished subcultures & mentally unstable persons ... unfortunate citizens that they should also be protecting. Also, police chiefs need to do a better job in filtering out asshole wannabe cops with violent tendencies.

 

[saintmichaeldefendthem]

My wife participates on parenting forums so I've gotten to see how parents interact with each other. And with rare exception, they don't attack and judge other parents with the gleeful malice I'm seeing here. Even parents who disagree with other parents' style find ways to discuss that disagreement without becoming disrespectful.

It's important because our family and the way we raise our kids is "controversial" and I've been attacked repeatedly on political forums such as this by mental midgets who despise everything outside of their tiny circles of experience. When I see it, I conclude they aren't really parents regardless of what they claim. Real parents on real parenting forums are very hesitant to judge, knowing all parents are trying their best, raising kids according to what they believe is in their best interest and knowing mistakes will be made along the way.

Other than the OP, I don't see many actual parents here. If you don't know what it's like to raise children, I wish you would STFU.

 

[PK1]

Other than the OP, I don't see many actual parents here. If you don't know what it's like to raise children, I wish you would STFU.

I have 2 grown kids, and I'm a developmental psychologist.
Police toys are NOT a problem.
If there's a problem, it's the way the parents raise their kids relative to their kid's age/understanding and the kid's temperament & motivations.

 

[GLASNOST]

I have 2 grown kids, and I'm a developmental psychologist.
Police toys are NOT a problem.
If there's a problem, it's the way the parents raise their kids relative to their kid's age/understanding and the kid's temperament & motivations.

I don't care how many children you have or if you are a developmental psychologist. I have 4 children, 3 of which are boys. I am not a psychologist but I do know that if you extend your statement to mean that playing with guns (weapons) does not affect the developing mind, then your professional worth is questionable. Realize also that you are speaking on behalf of (presumably) an American set of values that are immensely influenced by hero-worshiping. This, in itself, demonstrates national characteristics which are not appraised internationally. In other words, what an average American might think is admirable behaviour in this/her community, will most likely be considered offensively aggressive in another.

 

[GLASNOST]

My wife participates on parenting forums so I've gotten to see how parents interact with each other. And with rare exception, they don't attack and judge other parents with the gleeful malice I'm seeing here. Even parents who disagree with other parents' style find ways to discuss that disagreement without becoming disrespectful.

I agree with you 100%.

….. I've been attacked repeatedly on political forums such as this by mental midgets …… If you don't know what it's like to raise children, I wish you would STFU.

Can you repeat that please? What did you say about “mental midgets” and “Shut The Fuck Up”? It's interesting you should say that because I was VERY RECENTLY reading something from a “mental giant” who firmly believes that one ought not to 'attack and judge other parents'.

And now the excuses, right?

 

[saintmichaeldefendthem]

My wife participates on parenting forums so I've gotten to see how parents interact with each other. And with rare exception, they don't attack and judge other parents with the gleeful malice I'm seeing here. Even parents who disagree with other parents' style find ways to discuss that disagreement without becoming disrespectful.

I agree with you 100%.

….. I've been attacked repeatedly on political forums such as this by mental midgets …… If you don't know what it's like to raise children, I wish you would STFU.

Can you repeat that please? What did you say about “mental midgets” and “Shut The Fuck Up”? It's interesting you should say that because I was VERY RECENTLY reading something from a “mental giant” who firmly believes that one ought not to 'attack and judge other parents'.

And now the excuses, right?

I was very clear. If you're attacking and judging parents for their parenting style, I don't think you're a parent therefore you don't know wtf you're talking about and should STFU.

 

[GLASNOST]

My wife participates on parenting forums so I've gotten to see how parents interact with each other. And with rare exception, they don't attack and judge other parents with the gleeful malice I'm seeing here. Even parents who disagree with other parents' style find ways to discuss that disagreement without becoming disrespectful.

I agree with you 100%.

….. I've been attacked repeatedly on political forums such as this by mental midgets …… If you don't know what it's like to raise children, I wish you would STFU.

Can you repeat that please? What did you say about “mental midgets” and “Shut The Fuck Up”? It's interesting you should say that because I was VERY RECENTLY reading something from a “mental giant” who firmly believes that one ought not to 'attack and judge other parents'.

And now the excuses, right?

I was very clear. If you're attacking and judging parents for their parenting style, I don't think you're a parent therefore you don't know wtf you're talking about and should STFU.

I see. So it's OK for you but not for them.

 

[saintmichaeldefendthem]

Other than the OP, I don't see many actual parents here. If you don't know what it's like to raise children, I wish you would STFU.

I have 2 grown kids, and I'm a developmental psychologist.
Police toys are NOT a problem.
If there's a problem, it's the way the parents raise their kids relative to their kid's age/understanding and the kid's temperament & motivations.

Your pedigree doesn't impress me. All parents are on an even plane, figuring it out as they go along and making mistakes along the way. Even the geniuses. That's why real parents aren't so quick to judge other parents. I don't believe anyone who attacked the OP when they say they're parents themselves.

 

[jon_berzerk]

My kid walked in the house yesterday with a police "playset"....

Handcuffs, a gun and an SRT shotgun, a dozen darts, a badge, caps, a stick, a radio, a taser, a you name it.

And a police costume.

I took his belt off, and confiscated the rest of the stuff.... and took his uniform off too... and I told him that he's not allowed to have it.

He asked me why.. and I said... because you're not a police officer, and because my experiences runs far too deep with it.

I'm setting rules because my parents never did, and I'm not going to allow you get into deep trouble with the police and the law.
There is a very big difference between where I grew up, and how I grew up and where and how YOU are growing up, and you WILL get into huge trouble here with it.
There is also a very big discrepancy between when I grew up and today while you are growing up, we're worlds apart from each other.
The police also see you and see me in two very different lights.

And its also not the best influence there is either.

And I told him You need to find some other way to play, this christmas, after christmas we're going to toys R us and we're getting you educational toys, and sports equipment and video games.

Good luck. I didn't allow toy guns, kept him away from the Air Force and Army booths at the county fairs, but goddam he went in the Marines as soon as he was old enough.
He wanted to make a difference. I taught him that, too.

i taught my kids to treat any gun as if it is real

 

[GLASNOST]

Your pedigree doesn't impress me. All parents are on an even plane, figuring it out as they go along and making mistakes along the way. Even the geniuses. That's why real parents aren't so quick to judge other parents. I don't believe anyone who attacked the OP when they say they're parents themselves.

I agree with you completely on this one. My youngest child who's 9 today screamed like hell from the time he was born until he was about 3 years old. It was so bad that we couldn't go into town with him. No one knew why he did it. We went to doctors and child psychologists. We even went to parenting guidance to see if maybe we were doing something wrong. No answers. It was that experience that made us never again judge/blame other parents by the behaviour of their children in public.

 

[Alex.]

I was a Law Enforcement Officer, hurt in the line of duty, military. My son comes with me to the base several times a week when I workout, he is 10. In fact, he will be getting his military ID next week for when I take him to Disney for Christmas and stay at Shades of Green, a military complex on Disney property.


He knows what I did to save lives, how I was left for dead by my "buddies" and how I feel he does not have to "give" to his country in this way as I have done that and he does give by accompanying me to PT appointments and taking part in the he and I started to support military families where the service man or woman is deployed overseas.

 

[GLASNOST]

i taught my kids to treat any gun as if it is real

We don't allow any guns, swords, etc, - real or toys - anywhere near our house or in the hands of our children. We never buy such toys for other children for their birthday/Christmas and we remind all other parents not to buy such things for our boy. In fact, we don't really need to tell anyone ..... we parents are all in agreement that weapon-type play things are bad.

 

[GLASNOST]

I was a Law Enforcement Officer, hurt in the line of duty, military. My son comes with me to the base several times a week when I workout, he is 10. In fact, he will be getting his military ID next week for when I take him to Disney for Christmas and stay at Shades of Green, a military complex on Disney property.


He knows what I did to save lives, how I was left for dead by my "buddies" and how I feel he does not have to "give" to his country in this way as I have done that and he does give by accompanying me to PT appointments and taking part in the he and I started to support military families where the service man or woman is deployed overseas.

I agree with most of what you said. I am a war vet myself. I cannot describe what the sight of a weapon does to me or a helicopter up above or even a loud unexpected noise. I will not have my boy thinking that guns and playing soldier is cool. For me, shooting people is no joke and nothing to smile about.

 

[Alex.]

I was a Law Enforcement Officer, hurt in the line of duty, military. My son comes with me to the base several times a week when I workout, he is 10. In fact, he will be getting his military ID next week for when I take him to Disney for Christmas and stay at Shades of Green, a military complex on Disney property.


He knows what I did to save lives, how I was left for dead by my "buddies" and how I feel he does not have to "give" to his country in this way as I have done that and he does give by accompanying me to PT appointments and taking part in the he and I started to support military families where the service man or woman is deployed overseas.

I agree with most of what you said. I am a war vet myself. I cannot describe what the sight of a weapon does to me or a helicopter up above or even a loud unexpected noise. I will not have my boy thinking that guns and playing soldier is cool. For me, shooting people is no joke and nothing to smile about.

This was not in combat, it was in NYC high rise when a mother left her 2 small children unattended and the high rise became an inferno

 

[GLASNOST]

I agree with most of what you said. I am a war vet myself. I cannot describe what the sight of a weapon does to me or a helicopter up above or even a loud unexpected noise. I will not have my boy thinking that guns and playing soldier is cool. For me, shooting people is no joke and nothing to smile about.

This was not in combat, it was in NYC high rise when a mother left her 2 small children unattended and the high rise became an inferno

"How" isn't important. Life and death affects people.

 

[PK1]

Other than the OP, I don't see many actual parents here. If you don't know what it's like to raise children, I wish you would STFU.

I have 2 grown kids, and I'm a developmental psychologist.
Police toys are NOT a problem.
If there's a problem, it's the way the parents raise their kids relative to their kid's age/understanding and the kid's temperament & motivations.

Your pedigree doesn't impress me. All parents are on an even plane, figuring it out as they go along and making mistakes along the way.

I was not trying to impress anyone; just responding to your previous post by saying i "know what it's like to raise children".
I not only have experience with raising my own kids, but i have significant research experience as well as being aware of academic literature in the field.
Just stating facts & my opinions.

 

[saintmichaeldefendthem]

Your pedigree doesn't impress me. All parents are on an even plane, figuring it out as they go along and making mistakes along the way. Even the geniuses. That's why real parents aren't so quick to judge other parents. I don't believe anyone who attacked the OP when they say they're parents themselves.

I agree with you completely on this one. My youngest child who's 9 today screamed like hell from the time he was born until he was about 3 years old. It was so bad that we couldn't go into town with him. No one knew why he did it. We went to doctors and child psychologists. We even went to parenting guidance to see if maybe we were doing something wrong. No answers. It was that experience that made us never again judge/blame other parents by the behaviour of their children in public.

Your experience very closely mirrors mine. My second, now 9, is high functioning autistic and the screaming at every little thing has been constant as a toddler. Now we're learning how to deal with this better, giving him options when he feels like he has no control, which is frightening to him.

We even can eat out at restaurants as long as it's the exact same restaurant with the exact same waitress who is a friend of ours, and he can order the exact same meal. We call ahead to make sure she's on shift, the restaurant is not crowded, and they haven't run out of his favorite foods.

I'm amazed at all the idiots who judge us, telling us we're spoiling him by catering to his every whim, people who have no clue about autism. I guess I'm a little sensitive to people so quick to judge.

 

[GLASNOST]

Your experience very closely mirrors mine. My second, now 9, is high functioning autistic and the screaming at every little thing has been constant as a toddler. Now we're learning how to deal with this better, giving him options when he feels like he has no control, which is frightening to him.

We even can eat out at restaurants as long as it's the exact same restaurant with the exact same waitress who is a friend of ours, and he can order the exact same meal. We call ahead to make sure she's on shift, the restaurant is not crowded, and they haven't run out of his favorite foods.

Your story warms my heart. I am familiar with Autism and Aspergers. They need uniformity, just as you say, even the route you take wherever you go ... making sure to take the same route back again.

I'm amazed at all the idiots who judge us, telling us we're spoiling him by catering to his every whim, people who have no clue about autism. I guess I'm a little sensitive to people so quick to judge.

I understand very well. I lived many years in the US. People are more understanding in Europe, at least in the north. The French like to ridicule others but here in the north that kind of thing doesn't even exist. Anyway ..... I am happy to hear that you are coping and learning so well.

 

[Alex.]

I agree with most of what you said. I am a war vet myself. I cannot describe what the sight of a weapon does to me or a helicopter up above or even a loud unexpected noise. I will not have my boy thinking that guns and playing soldier is cool. For me, shooting people is no joke and nothing to smile about.

This was not in combat, it was in NYC high rise when a mother left her 2 small children unattended and the high rise became an inferno

"How" isn't important. Life and death affects people.

"How" sometimes means everything...in this situation I wanted to discuss for accuracy, nothing more.

 

[PK1]

I have 2 grown kids, and I'm a developmental psychologist.
Police toys are NOT a problem.
If there's a problem, it's the way the parents raise their kids relative to their kid's age/understanding and the kid's temperament & motivations.

I don't care how many children you have or if you are a developmental psychologist. I have 4 children, 3 of which are boys. I am not a psychologist but I do know that if you extend your statement to mean that playing with guns (weapons) does not affect the developing mind, then your professional worth is questionable.

Sorry, i overlooked your reply.

If you look at "play time with toy guns/weapons" as a single independent variable against "prone to violence" as a dependent variable, and you control for other factors (personality/temperament, parent influence, peers, cultural environment), i strongly doubt you will see a high correlation.
I myself played with toy/bb guns in my youth, and my son played violent/war video games in addition to toy guns/rifle, and neither of us would hurt any animal, let alone a human (other than self defense).
Intelligence & empathy have a LOT to do with that correlation.
As well as the environmental factors you mentioned in a previous post.