Pregnancy-A Question For Men

[Rikurzhen]

I just find it extemely sad...plus it pisses me off no end...that most of the "men" automatically assumed the worst against HER.

Sickening. And I hope like hell she has thick skin and this doesn't run her off because some will use it as a weapon, what she shared here in her naivity, if she ever posts anything they deem worthy of such a verbal weapon. And we ALL know it will happen because this is what some here tend to do.

Meh. Blech. And oy.

Assumed the worst on which issue? I haven't seen anyone assume the worst about her rape but the single-motherhood speaks for itself. That is not something to be applauded, by now almost everyone should be aware of the high statistical risks associated with that choice.

It's certainly not pleasant to be criticized but this constant liberal affirmation of everyone's life choices is a toxic alternative for it guts the ability of society to guide behavior.

 

[Esmeralda]

The father of this baby is a piece of shit who shouldn't be able to father children, but I don't believe in making an innocent child pay for their father's mistake. Thank you very much.

Don't you mean the child's mother's mistake. You, after all, CHOSE to have sex with this man, didn't you? That speaks to the issue of how women select men. Apparently you selected a man you wanted to have sex with but who wasn't father quality. Freaking terrific.

If you have a son be prepared for the fact that he's likely to inherit the qualities of his father.

What an asinine comment. Of course, every time a man has sex, he makes sure the woman is of good mother quality. Unbelievable.

 

[Gracie]

I just find it extemely sad...plus it pisses me off no end...that most of the "men" automatically assumed the worst against HER.

Sickening. And I hope like hell she has thick skin and this doesn't run her off because some will use it as a weapon, what she shared here in her naivity, if she ever posts anything they deem worthy of such a verbal weapon. And we ALL know it will happen because this is what some here tend to do.

Meh. Blech. And oy.

Assumed the worst on which issue? I haven't seen anyone assume the worst about her rape but the single-motherhood speaks for itself. That is not something to be applauded, by now almost everyone should be aware of the high statistical risks associated with that choice.

It's certainly not pleasant to be criticized but this constant liberal affirmation of everyone's life choices is a toxic alternative for it guts the ability of society to guide behavior.

I don't know if you are male or female, but I dislike you heartily and STILL think you are an idiot. Go away.

 

[Rikurzhen]

What an asinine comment. Of course, every time a man has sex, he makes sure the woman is of good mother quality. Unbelievable.

Unless people are engaged in hunting around for a good shagging, and only a shagging, most people in life choose sex partners with an eye towards relationships. Something goes screwy here for a lot of women. They end up in abusive relationships but that's not because the behavior of the abusive man developed out of nowhere, it's because the man had expressed his dominance very early in the courtship and the woman found that attractive.

Men generally don't like to marry promiscuous women. They'll sleep with them but they seem to understand that characteristics don't change much, and if she's promiscuous when you meet then she'll likely be the same during the marriage.

 

[Politico]

Be sensitive to those who are expecting, please and thank you.

What do you men think of the single expectant moms?

Ask a question and tell me I can't answer honestly. Nice try.

 

[Samson]

Some of the men here must think that a woman chooses to be raped, even. Probably because she was wearing clothes that were too tight. Or some stupid thing like that.

Like who?

Making that accusation without a shred of evidence seems not only presumptuous, but unnecessarily defensive, and counter productive.

 

[Samson]

The father of this baby is a piece of shit who shouldn't be able to father children, but I don't believe in making an innocent child pay for their father's mistake. Thank you very much.

Don't you mean the child's mother's mistake. You, after all, CHOSE to have sex with this man, didn't you? That speaks to the issue of how women select men. Apparently you selected a man you wanted to have sex with but who wasn't father quality. Freaking terrific.

If you have a son be prepared for the fact that he's likely to inherit the qualities of his father.

By "father's mistake" the OP apparently is referring to his choice to forcibly have sex with Darlene. While this seems to be an incredible understatement, it makes sense that a victim may choose to describe the highly personal crime in less direct language.

 

[Samson]

I wonder where all the anti abortionists are? Here is a great example of a lady raising a child of rape...all by herself. Will they put their money where their mouths are and help her? Or bitch about the taxes going towards her to raise, feed and clothe this child?

True.

One could just as easily wonder where the pro-abortionists are (besides yourself): After all, wouldn't that be an option they would claim rightfully existed for rape victims?

Perhaps, like yourself they have enough sense to to have turned the thread into yet another boring abortion debate.

 

[Darkwind]

Be sensitive to those who are expecting, please and thank you.

What do you men think of the single expectant moms?

Do I know her? No? Thank God....


And then I go about My business.....

 

[Samson]

Be sensitive to those who are expecting, please and thank you.

What do you men think of the single expectant moms?

Do I know her? No? Thank God....


And then I go about My business.....

^^^^^
Best response in the thread.

 

[Diana1180]

That's a nice pep talk but it's not an accurate description of reality. Single mothers have a tough time getting men to commit to them. Men will date single mothers, sure, but men aren't really inclined to devoting time and resources towards raising the children of other men. So in order to find a man who is willing to devote his life to raising other men's children the woman has to modify her expectations.

Hate to say it..but I kind of agree here. I have been divorced for about 12 years now. Seperated when our daughter was 2. Dating has been hard.

Not because I expect them to raise my child but because I think they assume thats what i want. She has a father and yes, the man I date would be part of her life, but not in the role of being her father.

I didnt date while she was young for this reason. Now that she is 15, its much easier to date. Not easy...but easier.

 

[jon_berzerk]

Be sensitive to those who are expecting, please and thank you.

What do you men think of the single expectant moms?

i think they have made their life much harder

 

[jon_berzerk]

That's a nice pep talk but it's not an accurate description of reality. Single mothers have a tough time getting men to commit to them. Men will date single mothers, sure, but men aren't really inclined to devoting time and resources towards raising the children of other men. So in order to find a man who is willing to devote his life to raising other men's children the woman has to modify her expectations.

Hate to say it..but I kind of agree here. I have been divorced for about 12 years now. Seperated when our daughter was 2. Dating has been hard.

Not because I expect them to raise my child but because I think they assume thats what i want. She has a father and yes, the man I date would be part of her life, but not in the role of being her father.

I didnt date while she was young for this reason. Now that she is 15, its much easier to date. Not easy...but easier.

i have a step kid adult now

who thinks of me as dad

her kids think of me as gramps

and i feel the same

it was hard in the early years drawing the boundary lines

when my say mattered and when it didnt matter


but that worked itself all out over time and commitment

 

[Delta4Embassy]

Be sensitive to those who are expecting, please and thank you.

What do you men think of the single expectant moms?

Wife of one of our resident maintenance guys is late-term pregnant. Looks hot as all get out in bikinis at the pool. I've always thought pregnant women were especially attractive since our culture is so repressive about sexuality. Pregnant women then are like a flashing neon sign that says, "I had sex."

 

[Skull Pilot]

If you or anyone else is pregnant it's none of my business.

In fact I will not ask any pregnant woman any questions nor would i treat them any differently than any other woman. That is to say i would still hold a door and be polite and courteous.

 

[Darlene]

Some of the men here must think that a woman chooses to be raped, even. Probably because she was wearing clothes that were too tight. Or some stupid thing like that.

There is no "legitimate rape". And I don't have clingy or revealing clothes. I got rid of a dress today because it showed too much cleavage. A little skin is okay but there's a point to where its disgusting and shows that the person has no self respect.

 

[Darlene]

I wonder where all the anti abortionists are? Here is a great example of a lady raising a child of rape...all by herself. Will they put their money where their mouths are and help her? Or bitch about the taxes going towards her to raise, feed and clothe this child?

This is tough territory because the OP is using her own personal life as a subject of political debate but this question of rape isn't settled. She claims rape. Obviously the man rejects the claim. The police apparently side with the man. We can accurately declare that there does exist ambiguity.

I don't need the OP to explain herself and her situation. It would be better if we actually didn't focus this on her situation but on the general instead.

So two scenarios - an unwanted pregnancy and a pregnancy arising from rape. In all but stranger rape situations, the woman has allowed the man into her life. Almost all pro-life advocates recognize the legitimacy of abortion in the case of rape or incest - the woman has had the pregnancy forced upon her against her will in very traumatic circumstances, so I'm not really seeing the legitimacy of your slam at pro-life people here.

Where matters get more complicated for the pro-life people is in situations where women are irresponsible and want a do-over. Why should the baby pay the ultimate price?

As has been suggested by another poster, putting the baby up for adoption is the usual route taken by women who are victims of rape who don't want to abort the child. This is imminently sensible because these women realize that the trauma of the rape will be front and center, dominating their lives, every single day as they raise that child, the child of the man who raped them. The mental trauma of just imagining that, not even having to live it, is enough to convince them of the wisdom of putting the child up for adoption.

As for the remainder of your questions, it's not up to pro-life people to support these children. These children are not their responsibility to raise, they're working to prevent the murder of innocent children via abortion. A baby always has a mother and a father and they're responsible for providing the care needed to raise the baby. If the mother is the victim of rape, she can pass the child off to adoptive parents who VOLUNTARILY step forward and desire to care for the child. The father should be forced to pay support if he is convicted of rape. The mother shouldn't because the pregnancy was forced upon her. Absent conviction for rape, the man shouldn't be punished if the child is put up for adoption - his parental rights are terminated. If the child is NOT put up for adoption, well he is on the hook for child support because it is his child.

Frankly, I don't see any role for pro-life people in these types of scenarios.

Your attempt to smear them fails.

I'm putting my story out there for the people to read so they can see that not everyone "goes by the book". Are you a parent yourself? Do you understand what connection is formed during pregnancy, even right from the beginning? I did consider adoption but I have certain parenting standards that I don't think anyone else can do. The first time I saw the baby on ultrasound (7 weeks gestational age, with a beating heart), I knew I couldn't give the baby up. Abortion has never been an option for me. Quite frankly, you don't know what you're talking about. I appreciate your input though.

 

[dilloduck]

Welcome to the shooting gallery, boys. Step right up for your turn to be shot.

 

[Gracie]

More like take your shots at darlene.
Do you boys feel good doing that?

 

[Darlene]

I am glad you caught up on the thread, Smedley, and know the situation now. And I agree....this is not the place she needs to be talking about this. I get why she asked. being preggers...emotions run every which way. She has a child already that is less than a year old...and now is carrying another one. Will she ever find someone interested in her, have a life, be loved, her children be loved, is she pretty, is she fat, up, down, up, down, stress this, stress that. And it's just going to get more intense as her pregnancy moves forward. So she reaches out to strangers on a message board to find answers that aren't really answers...but at least she is not alone in her thoughts and worries.

She said she might close this thread. I said she should leave it open. I now think she does indeed need to ask staff to make it disappear. Too much info, too much strain, not the right people to help her during this time and the potential to cause her more angst during this time in her life. She is new, plus saying too much at the get-go....not a good idea.

Darlene...I think you really should close the thread. Talk to sponsors, your parents, real life friends, counselors. This board and the people in it might be able to help you but it won't be enough..and some can't or won't help you because it is beyond them to do so.

I've actually been amused by a lot of the responses I found on this thread. It just shows that some people are really ignorant (don't be offended; look up the definition). I would like for this thread to stay. Its not causing me anymore stress. I have healthy ways to relieve my stress where I am but people on the internet don't phase me. This thread is in the health and lifestyle group, IMO it fits. If people don't like it, they don't have to post. Simple as that.