No one from my family showed at my son's baptism yesterday

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by fuzzykitten99, May 17, 2004.

  1. fuzzykitten99
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    fuzzykitten99 Senior Member

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    I just don't get this. I sent out the invitations 3 weeks in advance, with specific directions and my cell phone # in case of any questions. I knew my mom and dad could not come cuz my mom had strep and my dad is on heavy meds from injuring himself at work, so he could not drive. My grandparents are 3 hours away because they are settling their new home that was just put in. They are retiring next week, and moving, so I knew they wouldn't be able to make it well in advance, and I understood why.

    But the rest of my relatives that I sent invitations to, NO ONE called, no one gave any response. The ceremony and reception were about an hour from the area where we live, but it is only an hour. It is actually less for a few of them because they live near me. the reason that I had it where I did was the pastor that married me & DH has his church up there, and he is a very good friend of my family. My IL's have a lakehome 15 minutes from the church, so it was convenient to have the reception there.

    I am so hurt that no one showed up. Even if they had other plans, no one let me know. My aunts & uncles (dad's brother & sister, and their kids(my cousins), and their kids' kids(my 2nd cousins) ) tend not to RSVP, then show up anyway, so we assumed everyone was going to show up, since no one called us saying they weren't. They never RSVP'd for my wedding either, but they still showed.

    DH and I bought $120 worth of food for yesterday, which we should not have spent the money on since we are saving for the closing of our first house, and we are strapped for money already.

    Even if everyone would have called and said they would not come, at least we would not have spent that much on food. I had my ILs invite the neighbors in the lake area whom they knew, to help eat all the food that we bought.

    I am so hurt over this, and I am conemplating whether or not I will even speak to them again. I know it sounds petty, but I and DH go to all their functions, no matter the distance. They couldn't come to mine? DH is so mad that he doesn't want to invite them to anything anymore, including holidays. I feel like doing the same thing, but I also feel that this would be over-reacting. I just feel so shafted and hurt. This was a big deal for me & DH, as well as my ILs. A batism may have been insignificant to them, but I went to all my family's ceremonies for it.

    I don't know what to do. I feel like my events are not important enough for them to make any effort, so I want to not invite them to anything anymore, nor will I show up at any of their functions. I rarely see them anyway, but I do miss them. My uncle lives in the house I lived in with my grandma before she died. I was very close with my cousins before my grandma died, and after she did, we rarely saw each other. I miss them, but I am torn with this. Any advice?
     
  2. DKSuddeth
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    DKSuddeth Senior Member

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    did anyone RSVP?
     
  3. nycflasher
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    nycflasher Active Member

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    I hear K-Mart is running a blue-light special on families...

    j/k, don't mean to make light of your situation


    Only advice I can offer is to make sure to let them know how hurt you were/are... if you don't it will eat away at you until you really don't want to have anything to do with them.

    And to be cliche, it's those closest to us, often, that can hurt us the most.

    good luck and sorry to hear it
     
  4. dmp
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    dmp Senior Member

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    I'd suggest copying what you wrote in an email/written letter to your family.

    My wife and I often feel as the 'least important' among our siblings. Maybe it's us, but it seems as though ppl tend not to puch much effort into participating in our lives. We are about 45 minutes from most of them; yet that seems like 'just too far to drive'. Yet, we're expected to participate when THEY hold get-togethers; For the longest time, they'd have functions sunday evenings, starting late (5-6pm) and get upset if we didn't show up. I pleaded with them to change the timeframe. We lived (at the time) about 70 miles from most people. I had an hour + commute (50 miles each way) every morning; starting work at 0630 every day. Being so far away on a sunday evening meant little sleep for me.

    I guess I said all that to say, remember: Your family now, is your husband and child(ren). Nobody else REALLY matters.
     
  5. dilloduck
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    dilloduck Diamond Member

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    First "Congratulations to your family " and i wish your son the best. I obviously can't explain the absences but I would sit back and enjoy the meaning of the baptism and not condemn the rest.
     
  6. fuzzykitten99
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    fuzzykitten99 Senior Member

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    I'm still kind of teetering on not speaking to them again, but I think I will talk to my pastor (they guy who performed Nathan's baptism yesterday) and ask him what he thinks. He knows my family, and I have known him since I was 15.

    Tim said that he will call them all tonight and see what they have to say.

    I called my dad's brother and he said that he had planse for fishing opener, and he wasn't going to cancel. I said, "fine, if you had other plans, whatever, but the least you could do was pick up the phone and TELL me." He said that he's not going to feel guilty because he already had plans for that weekend. I told him that he "...must not have heard me the first time. I said, the least you could have done was pick-up-a-phone-and-TELL-me."

    i was in tears by that time and I just hung up.

    The cookout we had turned out to be fun anyway. We took Nathan out on his first boat ride on the lake. My IL's bought him his first life jacket. I know most of the neighbors that my IL's are friends with, because they have their primary homes here in the Cities, so we all had fun even though my family stiffed me. I was actually somewhat embarrassed because NONE of my family members showed or called.

    As far as the RSVP thing, NO ONE did, except my parents, and my mom's brother, who was going OOT on business.
     
  7. 5stringJeff
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    5stringJeff Senior Member

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    fuzzy, I can understand your hurt. I think you are perfectly justified in calling your family and asking why they didn't even bother to RSVP. Maybe you will get stupid excuses like the one from your dad's brother. Maybe you will get an apology. But in the end, we are all called to be forgiving people. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't voice your concerns, or that you're justified in feeling how you do. But I think it would be counter-productive to stop speaking to your family over this.
     
  8. freeandfun1
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    freeandfun1 VIP Member

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    Their absence probably has more to do with the fact that the world views religion and religious ceremonies as not being worth a hoot! It is sad, but we have become a godless society.

    Congrats though!
     
  9. dmp
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    dmp Senior Member

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    Unless your family just really sucks. Like parts of mine; or is unrepentive. Forgive them - sure...but I'd hesitate putting your, or your kids' emotions on the line time and again.


    :)
     
  10. Zhukov
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    Zhukov VIP Member

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    You're obviously upset, so this must have meant alot too you. But if it meant so much, I wonder why you didn't follow up the letters by calling anyone to find out whether or not they'd show after receiving no responses.

    Does this mean much to your family? Do you remember going to perhaps say a sibling's child's baptism and having the whole family there?

    Sadly, what freeandfun says is true. Religious traditions are falling by the wayside. At the wedding I was at this weekend, there were easily three times more people at the reception than at the wedding.

    I personally never thought baptisms were a big deal. I don't think I've ever even been to one (except, unfortunately, my own), and I've a nephew, a younger brother, and too many younger cousins to count. I will most likely be at my next nephew's baptism as I'm bound to be the godfather.

    Having said all that and understanding it is tradition, I think baptisms should be reserved for people who understand the purpose of it anyways.
     

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