You know Romney keeps acting like two people, saying two mutually exclusive sets of things to avoid being held accountable for anything? Well, I figure, why not make it official and have him be his own running mate? He can have a little colloquy/soliloquy with himself, running back and forth from one podium to another like that Woody Allen skit in Bananas. "What do you think, Mitt?" "Well, Mitt, you make a brilliant point." "Hahaha, thank you sooo much, Mitt, I agree. And my but you're a handsome devil! So majestic! So regal!" "Oh, stop, Mitt. I'm just humbled to be here on my solid platinum yacht, enjoying the day like most ordinary Americans, stewing in rage that I have to pay 13% taxes. That's money that should be right now building my new car elevator." The two Mitts could have like a buddy comedy kind of adventure film where they go across the country desperately trying to avoid touching, talking to, or even looking at anyone worth less than $10 million. They could paint their private jet orange with Stars and Bars, and cast an Obama lookalike as Boss Hogg. "Right about now, the Mitts were in a whole heap o' trouble." If they don't like which of the Mitts on the top of the ticket, they can just switch - the Constitution didn't really envision a situation where a candidate is so psychotically dishonest that he actually becomes two people, so there's no law against it.