my mother has stage 5 alzheimer's...learn with me...

Discussion in 'Healthcare/Insurance/Govt Healthcare' started by strollingbones, May 7, 2010.

  1. strollingbones
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    strollingbones Diamond Member

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    Stage 5:
    Moderately severe cognitive decline
    (Moderate or mid-stage Alzheimer's disease)

    Major gaps in memory and deficits in cognitive function emerge. Some assistance with day-to-day activities becomes essential. At this stage, individuals may:

    •Be unable during a medical interview to recall such important details as their current address, their telephone number or the name of the college or high school from which they graduated

    •Become confused about where they are or about the date, day of the week or season

    •Have trouble with less challenging mental arithmetic; for example, counting backward from 40 by 4s or from 20 by 2s

    •Need help choosing proper clothing for the season or the occasion

    •Usually retain substantial knowledge about themselves and know their own name and the names of their spouse or children

    •Usually require no assistance with eating or using the toilet


    Stages of Alzheimer's

    i placed my mother in an assisted living facilitiy....monday...this monday...it seems like an eternity...i cant remember the last day i didnt cry...but i digress...

    my mother could no longer live alone...yet she insisted on driving...she totalled her car on april 22....i went down and stayed, i left 24 hours..she purchased a new car. i went down and moved her here. she was going to kill someone..she is half blind and has a lead foot...we think she may have had a stroke and then wrecked...we have doctors appointments beginning next week...she called me tuesday to tell me how much she enjoyed being kidnapped from her home and place in a the assisted living...that woman has a mean ass mouth...she can get over it...and she will...most days she is unaware of who i am..she think i am her sister.....which cause a bit of a confusion when her sister showed up...but she is falling under the "veil of alzheimer's" as they call it...i went to my first support group...and i plan on going to seminars on this disease...it is truly a disease from hell....you watch a loved one slip away....you realize that when she calls you someone else's name that it is best just to go along with it...she no longer knows me..it was like a switch...day to night...she knows my son, sometimes...and she blames me totally for putting her in the assisted living...which one lady at the support group told me that may never change...

    i fully recommend looking into long term care insurance for your parents or yourself. it is expensive but it has helped me put her into a posh warehouse...

    the questions, the paperwork...you need the following....last will....living will...health care form....and durable power of attorney...i am not giving legal advice here..just saying...you need a lot of info..try to gather that before the crisis hits...you need soc sec #, medicare, insurance etc. maybe you should photo copy all this to a file...that would have been nice...you need all the phone numbers etc...sure i have a file now..but its never where i am.

    i have her in a top notch place...however she needs the "special" ward which is full....she is the only female on the waiting list...so she is in a stage 3 unit....and she is trying to take off..."wandering" is what it is called. we will discuss that later. so i have a private nurse there 12 hours a day...8 am to 8 pm..hopefully that wont be for much longer.

    so here is my advice to all of yall with aging parents....read the site...watch them...and make plans for it...that is all you can do.

    remember: yes, i knew this was coming....but it came on like an explosion ...there was no...you have time to think this over...i had to make a move and do it fast...that is where my ability as the 'nuts and bolts' person came into play...this is also where i realized how much more should have been done sooner...when she was of sound mind...but that is 20/20 hindsight.....learn from my mistakes....

    next chapter: bonez gets her face cussed off by mother...(i hate doing that third person mal)
     
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    Last edited: May 7, 2010
  2. Meister
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    Meister Platinum Member Supporting Member

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    Sorry to hear about this, Bones. You have given people a good lesson from your experience in getting the situation into a managemable position. Thank you for your input.
     
  3. editec
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    editec Mr. Forgot-it-All

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    Stroll you have my sincerest sympathy.

    It must be like watching a loved one drifting away on an ice flow.

    I hope to GOD if this starts happening to me I have the fortitude to end my life before my son has to go through what you're going through.
     
  4. saveliberty
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    saveliberty Diamond Member

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    My grandmother went into a nursing home at age 98. She wasn't very happy at first and the kids all knew it. Thing is, she got a lot more social contact with the staff and other residents than at home. She really enjoyed the social part of the home after a few weeks. Sometimes when we visited, she would cut us short, because they were having a card game or a meal and she wanted to get there on time.

    It wasn't until the last year that mental clarity became an issue. Now my other grandmother had your mom's troubles. I think she thought my uncle was coming the next day to get her out until the last. It was real torture for my mom to see the person she knew stolen away by a degenerating memory. Finding something they really like and bringing it on visits seemed to help some. A specific candy bar would help about half the time.

    My wife made a photo album that the whole family helped with. It had many pictures with a descriptive paragraph and it was helpful for everyone. If I was there, I'd give you a hug.
     
  5. strollingbones
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    strollingbones Diamond Member

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    the phone call went okay..she sounded feeble but she wants to go home..told me to think long and hard about taking her home....i have thought long and hard...i would love to go...fuck em mom i will do a drive by at 11...have your mal you want and we will go.....but the deed is done..and she is safe...that is all i can do...i cant make her be happy but i can keep her safe

    they want that dnr...they dont say it ...but you can see it when its mentioned....
     
  6. Angelhair
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    Angelhair Senior Member

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    So sorry to hear about this happening to your mom and family. It is a devastating disease - for all concerned. My heart goes out to you and your family. I have been there done that and it is hardest on the ones still aware. The pain will ease; the good memories will live on. May you find strength in your faith.
     
  7. JenyEliza
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    JenyEliza Princess of Rhetoric

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    As a surviving grandaughter of a woman with alzheimer's, you've got a LONG way to go before you need to consider a DNR. That is, unless your mother has other health problems (cancer, heart disease, history of stroke or heart attack).

    Alzheimers takes decades to finally kill its victim. Fasten your seatbelt, hunny, this is a LONG ride from hell and you'll need to be securely fastened.

    Stage 5 isn't even all that bad (looking back in hindsight). Thank the good Lord my Grandmother was taken home and relieved of this disease by our Heavenly Father.

    So sorry for the bad news....but....don't....DONT give in to her. She will emotionally blackmail you and do everything, including standing on her head naked, to get you to take her home. THIS is where the support group will be most helpful. They will help you stand firm in the decisions you know you have to make, but don't want to make.

    God bless, bones. Let me know if I can help!

    *hug*

    Jen
     
  8. tommywho70x
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    tommywho70x BANNED

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    you have my sincerest best wishes and prayers for strength in dealing with the frustration and pain of watching your mother's spirit get sucked out of an otherwise healthy body.

    my maternal grandmother and my father's oldest buddy both left by the route your mother has been detoured onto. it was horrible times for many people, not just the immediate family members and suffering that lasted years before the end came.

    good luck
     
  9. Foxfyre
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    Foxfyre Eternal optimist Gold Supporting Member Supporting Member

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    Tough duty Bones, and yes, we cry a lot during the long goodbye. But they have also come so far in knowing how to treat and at least slow the progression of this cruel disease, and they keep learning more and more. That of course is small comfort to those who deal with it in the here and now.

    I've lost a father-in-law and two dear friends to Alzheimers. Probably my mother-in-law too who was suffering severe dementia the last decade of her life, but was never formally diagnosed with Alzheimers. So know that there are those who know what you're dealing with.

    Most of us are in no position to help other than just stand by and care.

    And you are obviously taking the constructive route in seeing that there is much to learn.
     
  10. boedicca
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    boedicca Uppity Water Nymph Supporting Member

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    Sorry about your mom, SB.

    My grandfather went through a similar transition, including losing his driver's license and needing to go into assisted living. It was awful. He thought he was being held captive in a concentration camp and that the nurses were guards. He'd beg the ones he thought were sympathetic to let him go. It was a relief to see his suffering end when he passed away from prostate cancer (a recurrence which the family decided not to have treated given his advanced age and mental state).

    I hope the universe starts dabbing some mercy on you soon.
     

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what should i do my mother is in the kast stages of alzheimers and the feeding tube had to be removed