As a 40-plus year veteran of marriage, I feel an urge to do some explication on a subject with which I am very familiar.
Marriage is a lifetime commitment of love between a man and a woman, with the likelihood of producing offspring, the nurturing of whom becomes primary to the marriage during the period of nurturing. (But regardless of the existence of offspring, the commitment remains).
One of the biggest impediments to true, committed marriage is the prevailing culture which promotes a childish, immature picture of love and marriage, with which reality cannot successfully compete. It is supposed that true love - the foundation of marriage is a perpetual euphoric emotional state that is only realized when one finds ones Soulmate. If the initial euphoric state of a relationship wanes, then that becomes proof that the mate is not ones Soulmate, and the relationship is doomed. Even if the couple is married, it is perfectly acceptable to walk away from it because it was not founded on True Love. Ironically, for many couples who are engaged for an extended period (due to the need to secure a church, hall, caterer, etc., which are all available at the same time), the euphoric state is gone even before the marriage ceremony, leaving them in a sorry emotional state indeed. Talk about feeling trapped.
Balderdash.
Marriage is a continual work-in-process that has its ups and downs FOREVER. The loss of your emotional hard on is not a signal to end the marriage, its a signal to work a little harder to make it work. It is the lifetime process of working through lifes difficulties that makes marriages stronger, and it is not POSSIBLE to have a successful marriage unless you are aware of lifes realities and the commitment you are entering into. If you expect the euphoric love you feel for the initial period of a relationship to last forever, you will certainly be disappointed. Dont bother getting married, it will be a sham.
Consider: You do not say, I love you in the marriage ceremony, you say, I promise to love you , which is whole different thing. You are not declaring your present emotional state; you are making a lifetime commitment to treat the other person with love, respect, consideration, and kindness. And because you do that and your spouse makes the same commitment to you the emotional flame will ebb and flow, but will never die out.
Consider: In cultures where they still have arranged marriages, the divorce rate is a small fraction of what it is in the U.S. Because in those cultures, both parties understand that marital love is a work in progress something to be nurtured forever, like a garden. They may not be in love at the time of the marriage ceremony, but they understand that they MUST make the marriage work because divorce is socially unacceptable in those cultures.
Most importantly, marriage requires that both parties ACT LIKE MARRIED PEOPLE. They do not flirt with waitresses or girls in the office, or make passes at handsome men at parties and bars. A lifetime of these flirtations will certainly result in several cases of falling in love with the objects of your immediate attention, and harm if not death to the marriage. Such flirtations are violations of the marriage vows and are, frankly, evil.
Im just sayin
Marriage is a lifetime commitment of love between a man and a woman, with the likelihood of producing offspring, the nurturing of whom becomes primary to the marriage during the period of nurturing. (But regardless of the existence of offspring, the commitment remains).
One of the biggest impediments to true, committed marriage is the prevailing culture which promotes a childish, immature picture of love and marriage, with which reality cannot successfully compete. It is supposed that true love - the foundation of marriage is a perpetual euphoric emotional state that is only realized when one finds ones Soulmate. If the initial euphoric state of a relationship wanes, then that becomes proof that the mate is not ones Soulmate, and the relationship is doomed. Even if the couple is married, it is perfectly acceptable to walk away from it because it was not founded on True Love. Ironically, for many couples who are engaged for an extended period (due to the need to secure a church, hall, caterer, etc., which are all available at the same time), the euphoric state is gone even before the marriage ceremony, leaving them in a sorry emotional state indeed. Talk about feeling trapped.
Balderdash.
Marriage is a continual work-in-process that has its ups and downs FOREVER. The loss of your emotional hard on is not a signal to end the marriage, its a signal to work a little harder to make it work. It is the lifetime process of working through lifes difficulties that makes marriages stronger, and it is not POSSIBLE to have a successful marriage unless you are aware of lifes realities and the commitment you are entering into. If you expect the euphoric love you feel for the initial period of a relationship to last forever, you will certainly be disappointed. Dont bother getting married, it will be a sham.
Consider: You do not say, I love you in the marriage ceremony, you say, I promise to love you , which is whole different thing. You are not declaring your present emotional state; you are making a lifetime commitment to treat the other person with love, respect, consideration, and kindness. And because you do that and your spouse makes the same commitment to you the emotional flame will ebb and flow, but will never die out.
Consider: In cultures where they still have arranged marriages, the divorce rate is a small fraction of what it is in the U.S. Because in those cultures, both parties understand that marital love is a work in progress something to be nurtured forever, like a garden. They may not be in love at the time of the marriage ceremony, but they understand that they MUST make the marriage work because divorce is socially unacceptable in those cultures.
Most importantly, marriage requires that both parties ACT LIKE MARRIED PEOPLE. They do not flirt with waitresses or girls in the office, or make passes at handsome men at parties and bars. A lifetime of these flirtations will certainly result in several cases of falling in love with the objects of your immediate attention, and harm if not death to the marriage. Such flirtations are violations of the marriage vows and are, frankly, evil.
Im just sayin
