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They're both at fault. I see a lot of old-school "the guy should never hit the woman back" responses, but fact is, I've seen some downright SCARY women.
The point that's being missed here is NEITHER person should EVER resort to physical violence. Nobody wins.
Absolutely true. But a) I think it's a leap to think she hit him first; and b) there's a huge difference in the damage she could do to him as opposed to vice versa.
I totally understand what you're saying. But the truth is that abusers generally have a history of abusing people. They have controlling personalities and there is an entire set of "symptoms" (for lack of a better word) and telltale signs of such a personality.
What IS true, based on everything I have seen/learned is that it is never the victim's "fault" that they were abused, same as it is not the victim's "fault" when they are raped.
Absolutely true. But a) I think it's a leap to think she hit him first; and b) there's a huge difference in the damage she could do to him as opposed to vice versa.
Physically, you could be right.
None of us really know the circumstances of their relationship though. If you actually do more than casually glance at domestic violence, there's a who lot more to it than hitting; which, is usually the culminating event, and does not address the nature of the relationship nor the circumstances that led to the physical violence.
I see some of your comments as snap judgments based on stereotyping abusive relationships as men are always at fault because generally, they are bigger.
I'm not condoning his actions by any means, but I have been in the situation where my ex would purposefully push all the wrong buttons trying to get me to hit her.
I don't recall the exact study, but I read one that makes a simple yet obvious, but mostly overlooked point: Emotional/psychological abuse is every bit as much damaging as physical abuse with one major difference: people heal from physical abuse. They never heal from emotional abuse unless they actually recognize it and do something about it.
Sure the physical abuse should be addressed. It's wrong. If they intend to continue their relationship, they have to address the causes, and I'll bet you'd find in most cases, the guilt evens out a LOT in that aspect.
A woman I know is a therapist who specializes in abusive relationships. She says that women tend to be more abusive because of the psychological abuse they mete out, and that physical abuse of males by their female partners is far more widespread than generally believed given that it is underreported.
I once dated a girl that was psychological abusive. She would make these backhanded comments and insults that would leave me stunned when it happened. After a few months, I just stopped calling her.
That's not to excuse what this guy did, though. I have no idea who he is BTW.
Even if she did hit him first, he beat the shit out of her. If he has done this to her before and she stayed it is her fault and if he does it again to her now that she has taken him back than she has no one to blame but herself. She has her own money and they have no kids together and they are not married so there is no reason to stay with him. If he beats her up again I will not feel sorry for her and if she doesn't leave him now and cut all ties with him she is going to end up like Nicole Brown Simpson.nearly half the kids ask..said she was at fault...what in the world are we teaching kids as a society that they feel a young man has a right to beat down a young woman?
Here's a conversation starter: Nearly half of the 200 Boston teenagers interviewed for an informal poll said pop star Rihanna was responsible for the beating she allegedly took at the hands of her boyfriend, fellow music star Chris Brown, in February.
Of those questioned, ages 12 to 19, 71 percent said that arguing was a normal part of a relationship; 44 percent said fighting was a routine occurrence.
The results of the survey, conducted by the Boston Public Health Commission across the city and equally among boys and girls, are startling for local health workers who see a generation of youths who seem to have grown accustomed, even insensitive, to domestic violence.
"I think you'd have to be pretty jaded if you weren't startled by it," said Casey Corcoran, director of the health commission's new Start Strong program.
The program began in the fall as part of a Start Strong: Building Healthy Teen Relationships Initiative, a private foundation program that was offered in 11 cities across the country. Corcoran said the four-year, $1 million competitive grant program will allow the city to train mentors and outreach workers to speak to 11- to 14-year-olds about the dangers of domestic violence.
Corcoran said the Rihanna and Brown controversy, which is one of today's top entertainment news stories and a topic of conversation for young people, allows for teachers and parents to begin conversations about the dangers, and prevalence, of domestic violence.
full article: Many Boston teens surveyed say Rihanna is at fault for assault - The Boston Globe
nearly half the kids ask..said she was at fault...what in the world are we teaching kids as a society that they feel a young man has a right to beat down a young woman?
Didn't Rihanna hit him first? My mom always told me, "Don't start nothing, and there won't be nothing."
I think women have to take responsibility for their own actions. If you don't want a physical confrontation with a man, DON'T START ONE by throwing the first punch.
Funny, most men in the older generation would never hit a girl back if she punched him.
Just saying.
and it isn't like this is something new! It just isn't something people push under the rug anymore.Didn't Rihanna hit him first? My mom always told me, "Don't start nothing, and there won't be nothing."
I think women have to take responsibility for their own actions. If you don't want a physical confrontation with a man, DON'T START ONE by throwing the first punch.
Funny, most men in the older generation would never hit a girl back if she punched him.
Just saying.
You got that right. We may have accepted and administered corporal punishment, but a man hitting a woman was something we just wouldn't countenance. This stuff happening suggests that there is a lot of violence being witnessed and accepted. I think it has a lot to do with fatherless homes.
I'm not condoning his actions by any means, but I have been in the situation where my ex would purposefully push all the wrong buttons trying to get me to hit her.
She shouda been packin' and capped his ass
Just practising.
don't you mean, "just practicing"?
She shouda been packin' and capped his ass
Just practising.
don't you mean, "just practicing"?
Nope
I was practising my USMB forum fake Merkan accent. If I was keeping it all in character I would have said:
She shoulda been packin' and capped his ass......just practicin', yo.
don't you mean, "just practicing"?
Nope
I was practising my USMB forum fake Merkan accent. If I was keeping it all in character I would have said:
She shoulda been packin' and capped his ass......just practicin', yo.
bitch been packin' ho couldnt capped his ass....
packing ho wouldnt capped his ass....
you arent very good at all dear
Nope
I was practising my USMB forum fake Merkan accent. If I was keeping it all in character I would have said:
She shoulda been packin' and capped his ass......just practicin', yo.
bitch been packin' ho couldnt capped his ass....
packing ho wouldnt capped his ass....
you arent very good at all dear
Bugger.
Not vulgar enough?
bitch been packin' ho couldnt capped his ass....
packing ho wouldnt capped his ass....
you arent very good at all dear
Bugger.
Not vulgar enough?
do you hear the word "she" in rap songs? um no....bitch, ho etc ...and your english is too perfect...remember ebonics
Exactly why women think they can get away with being physical with a guy, and expecting that the guy won't hit back. I call bullshit on that.Funny, most men in the older generation would never hit a girl back if she punched him.
Just saying.
I'm not condoning his actions by any means, but I have been in the situation where my ex would purposefully push all the wrong buttons trying to get me to hit her.
Exactly right. I was involved in abusive relationships AS A VICTIM from about age 24 to age 41. I've been beaten up, punched in the face, and almost choked to death by guys I ostensibly loved (and who said they loved me). It takes two to tango. It wasn't until I owned my OWN role in the situation that I stopped being involved in those kinds of relationships. It's easy to blame a perpetrator. It's hard to acknowledge your own role in these kinds of scenarios and work to change yourself so you are never in that position again.
And for the record, I don't think that EITHER PARTNER has a right to hit one another. If she hit him first, she opened the door. Of course, he walked right on through, but they were both in the wrong.
And, I've seen plenty of women do a considerable degree of damage to a man. Now, my boyfriend is 6'2 and 220. I'm 5'4 and 125. I couldn't do much damage to him. But, my ex husband was 5'5" and 130 pounds. We were fairly evenly matched, physically speaking. He never laid a hand on me, but he did far more damage to me than any guy I was ever with.
