LMAO!!! We've Come A Long Way Baby

Discussion in 'Religion and Ethics' started by Cammmpbell, Jan 4, 2013.

  1. Cammmpbell
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    Cammmpbell Senior Member

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  2. CrusaderFrank
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    CrusaderFrank Diamond Member

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    I see men with butterfly nets closing in on you
     
  3. Caroljo
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    Caroljo Gold Member

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    They've learned they were wrong....and that you have to make Christianity APPEALING to the younger people. they were never really interested because Church was boring! I was that way! Now we're showing the younger people that we can have fun too....and it's not all THOU SHALT NOT!
     
  4. Cammmpbell
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    Cammmpbell Senior Member

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    LMAO!!! They have to keep the droppings in the collection plates. Are you folks thick or Christians? Pardon me....I repeat myself:

    "The methods of the priest and the parson have been very curious, their history is very entertaining. In all the ages the Roman Church has owned slaves, bought and sold slaves, authorized and encouraged her children to trade in them. Long after some Christian peoples had freed their slaves the Church still held on to hers. If any could know, to absolute certainty, that all this was right, and according to God’s will and desire, surely it was she, since she was God’s specially appointed representative in the earth and sole authorized and infallible expounder of his Bible. There were the texts; there was no mistaking their meaning; she was right, she was doing in this thing what the Bible had mapped out for her to do. So unassailable was her position that in all the centuries she had no word to say against human slavery. Yet now at last, in our immediate day, we hear a Pope saying slave trading is wrong, and we see him sending an expedition to Africa to stop it. The texts remain: it is the practice that has changed. Why? Because the world has corrected the Bible. The Church never corrects it; and also never fails to drop in at the tail of the procession - and take the credit of the correction. As she will presently do in this instance.

    Christian England supported slavery and encouraged it for two hundred and fifty years, and her church’s consecrated ministers looked on, sometimes taking an active hand, the rest of the time indifferent. England’s interest in the business may be called a Christian interest, a Christian industry. She had her full share in its revival after a long period of inactivity, and his revival was a Christian monopoly; that is to say, it was in the hands of Christian countries exclusively. English parliaments aided the slave traffic and protected it; two English kings held stock in slave-catching companies. The first regular English slave hunter - John Hawkins, of still revered memory - made such successful havoc, on his second voyage, in the matter of surprising and burning villages, and maiming, slaughtering, capturing, and selling their unoffending inhabitants, that his delighted queen conferred the chivalric honor of knighthood on him - a rank which had acquired its chief esteem and distinction in other and earlier fields of Christian effort. The new knight, with characteristic English frankness and brusque simplicity, chose as his device the figure of a negro slave, kneeling and in chains. Sir John’s work was the invention of Christians, was to remain a bloody and awful monopoly in the hands of Christians for a quarter of a millennium, was to destroy homes, separate families, enslave friendless men and women, and break a myriad of human hearts, to the end that Christian nations might be prosperous and comfortable, Christian churches be built, and the gospel of the meek and merciful Redeemer be spread abroad in the earth; and so in the name of his ship, unsuspected but eloquent and clear, lay hidden prophecy. She was called The Jesus.

    But at last in England, an illegitimate Christian rose against slavery. It is curious that when a Christian rises against a rooted wrong at all, he is usually an illegitimate Christian, member of some despised and bastard sect. There was a bitter struggle, but in the end the slave trade had to go - and went. The Biblical authorization remained, but the practice changed.
    Then - the usual thing happened; the visiting English critic among us began straightway to hold up his pious hands in horror at our slavery. His distress was unappeasable, his words full of bitterness and contempt. It is true we had not so many as fifteen hundred thousand slaves for him to worry about, while his England still owned twelve millions, in her foreign possessions; but that fact did not modify his wail any, or stay his tears, or soften his censure. The fact that every time we had tried to get rid of our slavery in previous generations, but had always been obstructed, balked, and defeated by England, was a matter of no consequence to him; it was ancient history, and not worth the telling.

    Our own conversion came at last. We began to stir against slavery. Hearts grew soft, here, there, and yonder. There was no place in the land where the seeker could not find some small budding sign of pity for the slave. No place in all the land but one - the pulpit. It yielded at last; it always does. It fought a strong and stubborn fight, and then did what it always does, joined the procession - at the tail end. Slavery fell. The slavery text remained; the practice changed, that was all.

    During many ages there were witches. The Bible said so. The Bible commanded that they should not be allowed to live. Therefore the Church, after doing its duty in but a lazy and indolent way for eight hundred years, gathered up its halters, thumbscrews, and firebrands, and set about its holy work in earnest. She worked hard at it night and day during nine centuries and imprisoned, tortured, hanged, and burned whole hordes and armies of witches, and washed the Christian world clean with their foul blood.

    Then it was discovered that there was no such thing as witches, and never had been.
    One does not know whether to laugh or to cry. Who discovered that there was no such thing as a witch - the priest, the parson? No, these never discover anything. At Salem, the parson clung pathetically to his witch text after the laity had abandoned it in remorse and tears for the crimes and cruelties it has persuaded them to do. The parson wanted more blood, more shame, more brutalities; it was the unconsecrated laity that stayed his hand. In Scotland the parson killed the witch after the magistrate had pronounced her innocent; and when the merciful legislature proposed to sweep the hideous laws against witches from the statute book, it was the parson who came imploring, with tears and imprecations, that they be suffered to stand.

    There are no witches. The witch text remains; only the practice has changed. Hell fire is gone, but the text remains. Infant damnation is gone, but the text remains. More than two hundred death penalties are gone from the law books, but the texts that authorized them remain..

    It is not well worthy of note that of all the multitude of texts through which man has driven his annihilating pen he has never once made the mistake of obliterating a good and useful one? It does certainly seem to suggest that if man continues in the direction of enlightenment, his religious practice may, in the end, attain some semblance of human decency." ~Mark Twain~

    Hell Fire and Damnation.. Hundreds of millions of sermons were preached over hundreds of years but when folks began to let the church know that they believed the idea of "My Way Or Ashes" wouldn't hack it and stopped putting money in the plate guess what? The church said the whole idea was based upon poor translation of the original writings.....Yeah Right!! The scripture is still right there where it's always been
     
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2013
  5. AmericanFirst
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    AmericanFirst Gold Member

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    No forgiveness for the heathen. Yep, you do keep repeating your stupidity.
     
  6. Mad Scientist
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    Mad Scientist Deplorable Gold Supporting Member Supporting Member

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    That's called SuperFUN Rockband Church!

    [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3RJBd8zE48A]Parody Of Our Modern Church Service - YouTube[/ame]

    My wife and I used to go to one but the Pastor had NO life and NO passion in his Sermons. The guitar player seemed more interested in learning cool Eddie Van Halen tapping tricks than anything else.

    If you attend a SuperFun Rockband Church it's probably better for you and your family if you just pray at home.
     
  7. Cammmpbell
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    Cammmpbell Senior Member

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    Did you even look at it? All of that came from a Mark Twain quote...you remember Samuel Clemens don't you Huck?
     
  8. Cammmpbell
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    Cammmpbell Senior Member

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    Praying at home might work. I know it didn't back in the 30's and 40's and 50's. The average life expectency was in the low sixties. Every family either had a member or a friend who was dying from heart problems or cancer. The only treatment for cancer was surgery and the tumor usually metasticized and the patient died within a year. If someone had a heart attack and the first one didn't get them they laid around for a year or so and died then. Wednesday night prayer meetings were packed, prayer lists were a foot long, people prayed till their knees were bloody and the afflicted suffered and died anyway.

    Now with better diets, less smoking, sophisticated electronic diagnostic systems, heart catherization, balloon therapy, stents, bypasses, transplants, radiation and chemo, stem cell transplants, laporascopic surgery, etc. the same kind of patients live into their eighties and sometimes nineties. The average life expectency has gradually worked it's way up into the high seventies. Where was ol' Gawd when we needed him/her/it? Why did he/she/it ignore billions of prayers. Get real.....there either isn't a god or he/she/it don't give a phiddler's phuck about what happens on this particular planet.
     
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2013
  9. turzovka
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    turzovka Gold Member

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    In your particular case, it is not "how far you have come baby" but where you are going.

    I notice you have a lot of critics around here. I also notice you pretty much ignore all their questions and just keep looking for something to hate. In a most unjust way, I might add.
     
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  10. CrusaderFrank
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    CrusaderFrank Diamond Member

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    I used to have some compassion for insane people like Campbeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllll and Rdeany but I lost it somewhere along the way

    Maybe I never did

    Either way I enjoy making fun of them
     

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