Lies I Don't Care For Too Much

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Madeline, Apr 26, 2010.

  1. Madeline
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    Madeline BANNED

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    We all lie, to ourselves if no one else. I'm good with everyone adjusting the controls on their reality-viewers, a little at least. We all need that.

    But folks, some of the lies we tell are just goofy little habits or laziness. I object to both of these classes of lies. Put some effort into your lying. Be a bit original. Use a backstory occassionally.

    In this vein, here are examples of some types lies I don't care for:

    * I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

    Give me a break. You dream up MUCH sicker shit than this whenever you ponder why you hate the fucker. Sometimes, you even scare yourself with the twisted stuff you come up with.

    * I'd love to, but I'm not allowed.

    You're not denying yourself anything you truely love just because some doctor said so. If you could give it up, you didn't LOVE it.

    * I would NEVER even think of doing that.

    C'mon. You've been fantasizing all your life. Whatever the "bad thing" is you are referring to, it's not even on your top ten list.

    * How are you?

    I realize this is just a breathy way to say "hello". I do. But yanno, if you would simply choose instead to say "hello" we could skip the social dousie-do I have to perform each time you prompt me with this cue.

    * O, I'm sorry. I have to run now. Someone's at the door. Let me call you back.

    What's wrong with "I'm bored. I want to masterbate now. Bye."?

    * Hi! I'm with the government and I'm here to help!

    If you're gonna rape me, I'd prefer we not call it a date.

     
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    Last edited: Apr 26, 2010
  2. California Girl
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    California Girl BANNED

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    I don't care for people who, in their desperate need for attention, write in BIG BLUE fonts.
     
  3. Madeline
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    Madeline BANNED

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    So you wander around the entire USMB universe behind them repeating that sentiment endlessly?

    BTW, CaliforniaGirl, this is the Humor Board. You may not have noticed as you fired up "search for Madeline" yet again. May want to check and see if your sense of humor is beyond repair.

    I noticed a member using green font color. Go piss on his doorstep for awhile and leave me be. You're boring me.
     
  4. JW Frogen
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    JW Frogen Gold Member

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    Am I the only one who thinks this thread can only go all Twin Peaks on us?
     
  5. JW Frogen
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    JW Frogen Gold Member

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    Nothing, that is the working title of my biography.
     
  6. JW Frogen
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    JW Frogen Gold Member

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    I warned you all, Twin Peaks.
     
  7. Madeline
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    Madeline BANNED

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    LOLOL. My biography will be written by Kitty Kelly, the Queen of "Gotcha!" journalism. She will shame me with such revelations about me as:

    "Madeline masterbated. Alot. She had special appliances for that very purpose. As she got older, this problem only got worse. By 50, she was having wet dreams about masterbating."

     
  8. JW Frogen
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    JW Frogen Gold Member

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    I understand where you are coming from (no pun intended) I masturbate so much my Hyundai Getz is now known as the Getz It On Mobile.

    It takes me 40 minutes to get to work, just enough time for a hand job and bottle of wine.
     
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2010
  9. Madeline
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    Whoever said that as she ages, a lady has a low libido was a liar, but that lie I DO like. Love. Treasure. I think it's my favorite.

    O, pardon me. I'll be right back. I think I hear someone at my door..........LMAO.
     
  10. mudwhistle
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    mudwhistle Diamond Member

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    How do you feel about red??
     

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