- May 20, 2009
- 144,701
- 67,237
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it's that time again! It's the Liberal World Cup Soccer!
Unlike the other nasty contentious World Cup that pits one nation against another and seeks to separate winners and losers in a grueling contest, the Liberal World Cup is about humanity and the shared human experience.
First, it's fundamentally unfair that only truly talented people get to play on the World Stage, it's the athletic equivalent of the 1%. For every Neymar or Messi, there are millions of talent-less people who should be given a change to appear; this is your chance to bask in your mediocrity! We know it's hard to direct the ball with your head, so don't even bother trying, you'll only feel bad about yourself and that goes against the Spirit of the Liberal World Cup.
Second, the notion that one country is Superior to any other is barbaric and Republican. We are all equal. Teams on the Liberal World Cup are drawn at random. Moreover since we are not representing nations, the team names are innocuous and unoffensive. In the first match the Rumpled Suits face off against the Used Office Furniture.
Third, we don't keep score. Keeping score only make the underachievers feel bad about themselves. It's like Common Core, we care how 2+2 feel about being mentioned together, not what they add up to.
Fourth, the referees reserve the right to penalize anyone for moving the ball too far ahead at any given time. It's not fair to the other players who might not be able to do the same
The games will be televised, but we will not accept commercials from car companies (they cause Global Warming) beer companies, tobacco companies, or anyone operating for a profit
Unlike the other nasty contentious World Cup that pits one nation against another and seeks to separate winners and losers in a grueling contest, the Liberal World Cup is about humanity and the shared human experience.
First, it's fundamentally unfair that only truly talented people get to play on the World Stage, it's the athletic equivalent of the 1%. For every Neymar or Messi, there are millions of talent-less people who should be given a change to appear; this is your chance to bask in your mediocrity! We know it's hard to direct the ball with your head, so don't even bother trying, you'll only feel bad about yourself and that goes against the Spirit of the Liberal World Cup.
Second, the notion that one country is Superior to any other is barbaric and Republican. We are all equal. Teams on the Liberal World Cup are drawn at random. Moreover since we are not representing nations, the team names are innocuous and unoffensive. In the first match the Rumpled Suits face off against the Used Office Furniture.
Third, we don't keep score. Keeping score only make the underachievers feel bad about themselves. It's like Common Core, we care how 2+2 feel about being mentioned together, not what they add up to.
Fourth, the referees reserve the right to penalize anyone for moving the ball too far ahead at any given time. It's not fair to the other players who might not be able to do the same
The games will be televised, but we will not accept commercials from car companies (they cause Global Warming) beer companies, tobacco companies, or anyone operating for a profit
