Leo's Love-Quest: Fort Knox (Devil's Tariff)

Discussion in 'USMB Lounge' started by Abishai100, Jun 7, 2018.

  1. Abishai100

    Abishai100 VIP Member

    Sep 22, 2013
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    This is a patriotism adventure-yarn inspired by G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra and Blood Diamond.

    It references a patriotism-muse named Mara (from the G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero franchise).

    Signing off,



    "Leo DiCaprio was studying American comic books and a social fascination with adventure and courage, especially in war-comics and adventure-quest comics. He was interested in how capitalism in the modern world was encouraging writers and cartoonists to present ideas about great feats of society-leadership derring-do. He was inspired after watching the imagination-and-teamwork film Army of Darkness."


    "As Leo was studying this, a special team of American paramilitary crusaders known as 'G.I. Joes' were busy securing Fort Knox (U.S. gold depository) from the evil clutches of an evil terrorist organization known as Cobra who was intent on robbing it as a statement of American frailty! G.I. Joe commander Duke ordered G.I. Joe ninja-assassin Snake-Eyes to investigate the depths of Cobra's cunning (and its evils!), and Snake-Eyes realized Cobra was like a 'thieving skeleton'."


    "As the G.I. Joes secured Fort Knox that summer (after the Cobra 'emperor' Serpentor sent a note to Duke announcing is unrelenting intention to rob the U.S. gold depository), Snake-Eyes was investigating the rumor that Cobra had taken a number of Romanian stewardesses as hostage (so they could hijack Romanian Airlines for their flight to Fort Knox!)."


    "As expected, Duke efficiently ordered key members of the G.I. Joe unit to stakeout Fort Knox and that's exactly what they did. The team-members simply waited with arms and anticipated Cobra minions to arrive (perhaps even drop from the sky!) to take Fort Knox!"


    "Leo (DiCaprio) was still busy investigating all kinds of war-and-adventure and even patriotism-themed comics that summer. He was fascinated by the symbolism of toy water-guns and how they would hopefully dissuade violence in the inner-cities of America. Leo wondered if there really was a daring 'secret' team of patriotic warriors who would plan some assault on a key U.S. monument (such as Fort Knox!)."


    "As the vile Cobra forces launched their initiative, Snake-Eyes was on a G.I. Joe jet to intercept the Romanian Airlines flight hijacked by the evil Cobra. Snake-Eyes discovered that multiple key Cobra minions were involved in the Fort Knox robbery-plan (including Storm-Shadow, Baroness, and Destro)."


    "As Snake-Eyes boarded the Romanian plane, he discovered that the stewardesses on the Cobra-hijacked plane were reoutfitted in Cobra uniforms. One such stewardess was the lovely Mara whose skin was painting blue for the flight by Destro (since Cobra uniforms were usually blue-colored!). Snake-Eyes took over the plane and crash-landed it after jumping out with Mara in his arms. He then proceeded towards Fort Knox with Mara."


    "After Snake-Eyes and Mara arrived at Fort Knox and joined with the other G.I. Joes staking-it-out, he explained who Mara was and how he rescued her from the Romanian plane which he crash-landed some 50 miles away. Just as he said this, Baroness (the female Cobra soldier) ran up to the group and wrestled the female G.I. Joe soldier down to the ground, crying that the Fort Knox plan would not go in vain just because of Snake-Eyes' late-heroics."


    "Anyways, Scarlett won the hand-to-hand combat, and Cobra's Fort Knox plan was foiled. G.I. Joe leader Duke congratulated Snake-Eyes on a job well-done, and Snake-Eyes told Duke he was retiring to marry Mara (the two had fallen in love!). Duke congratulated his long-time Joe-friend and gave him a special G.I. Joe kids-watch for him and Mara, and Snake-Eyes was delighted. It was a perfect G.I. Joe 'season'."


    LEO: I want to make a film about a military adventure-quest.
    SPIELBERG: That sounds promising, Leo.
    LEO: Yeah, I've been reading a lot of adventure-comics lately.
    SPIELBERG: I hear you're producing a Captain Planet film...
    LEO: That's later on, but yes (it's an eco-conscious film!).
    SPIELBERG: So what do you want with me?
    LEO: I want you to direct this military adventure-quest film.
    SPIELBERG: What will it be about (do you have a premise/plot)?
    LEO: I sure do, Steven; it'll be about secret U.S. soldiers defending Fort Knox.
    SPIELBERG: From whom?
    LEO: A covert underground terrorist organization called...'Dragon.'
    SPIELBERG: Dragon? Sounds eerie. Well, who will you play?
    LEO: I'll play a special U.S. ninja-soldier.
    SPIELBERG: Who'll play the evildoers?
    LEO: I suggest we cast Hayden Christensen as Dragon's leader.
    SPIELBERG: How about a female love-interest?
    LEO: How about Anne Hathaway (she plays a hostage I rescue!)?
    SPIELBERG: Well, it sounds exciting; process a script and send it to me!
    LEO: Will do; thanks Steven. This is all so...fantasy-fun.
    SPIELBERG: That's the movies, Leo. I wonder if there really are 'secret U.S. operatives.'
    LEO: Yes? All we have to match England's James Bond is Ethan Hunt (Mission: Impossible).
    SPIELBERG: I can see the cult-gossip --- "Ethan Hunt is a real person!"
    LEO: Let's make movies representative of real modern Utopian idealism, man.
    SPIELBERG: Cool. Keep working on that Captain Planet film too; sounds wise.
    LEO: Maybe the movies will help us fall in love with America, Steven...
    SPIELBERG: Yeah, we don't want to capitalism to create 'Orwellian stereotypes.'




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