Jeff Foxworthy On Ontario

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Said1, Apr 8, 2005.

  1. Said1
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    Said1 VIP Member

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    Jeff Foxworthy on Ontario


    If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 36
    inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food
    will swim by, you might live in Ontario.

    If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each
    year because Wawa is the coldest spot in the nation,
    you might live in Ontario.

    If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you might
    live in Ontario.

    If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six months out of the year,
    you might live in Ontario.

    If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his
    forehead, you might live in Ontario.

    If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in
    Ontario.

    If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a
    wrong number, you might live in Ontario.

    YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE ONTARIAN :
    1. "Vacation" means going south past London for the weekend.

    2.You measure distance in hours.

    3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.

    4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day....and back again.

    5. You can drive 100 kmph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard,
    without flinching.

    6. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

    7. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with
    snow.

    8. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road
    construction.

    9. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue
    spruce.

    10. "Down South" to you means London .

    11. Your Canada Day picnic was moved indoors due to frost.

    12. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

    13. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."

    14. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your
    Ontario friends. :fu2:
     
  2. Shattered
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    8. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road
    construction.


    :rotflmao:
     
  3. Said1
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    Said1 VIP Member

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    Hey, I'm just patiently waiting for the DQ to open! :smoke:
     
  4. Shattered
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    Strawberry, blueberry, and raspberry cheesequake blizzards.. Mmmmmmmmmm.
     
  5. fuzzykitten99
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    a guy named Gino Ruberto who used to be a deejay for a country station (K102) here made a parody from Tracy Byrd's "Watermelon Crawl" called "Road Construction Crawl"...so the winter/road construction thing isn't limited to Can-eh?-da. The song was made up at the time there were 4 MAJOR overhauls going on in the Cities...one at each end of town. It was a miserable time to drive, because I had just started driving then.

    the lyrics:

    When I go drivin' Minnesota at this time of year,
    There's a simple fact of truth that I have come to fear
    When you see bright orange signs, and big orange cones,
    It means that you are entering a road construction zone

    I was cruisin' 35, and I was headin' into town
    When I saw those nasty signs and I just had to slow down
    There was a feller with a shovel who winked at me in line and said
    "Don't speed through here; there's a double fine!"

    "Don't forget: in some of the work zones, fines are double!"

    He said we've only got two seasons every year
    So, Mario Andretti find a lower gear
    It starts every spring, and hangs around through the fall,
    And you're stuck in it now...do the road construction crawl!

    "Major delays, a major construction project up in Coon Rapids unfolding." "What's the best alternate, eh?" "There are no good alternates!" "Awww.... Crap!"

    Well, I found it cruisin' late drivin' up in Blaine,
    And from Burnsville down to Lakeville, man, it's all the same
    The sign says 'Better give those crews a break'
    Yeah...your leg or arm? I've had all I can take!

    "Why can't I just take 35W south?"
    "No, no, no...you can't go that way either!"

    If you're heading out to Eagan for a real important date,
    Just call your sweetie and say you're gonna be late
    From New Brighton to Anoka, to downtown St. Paul
    Everybody's doing the road construction crawl

    He said we've only got two seasons every year
    So, Richard Petty find a lower gear
    It starts every spring, and hangs around through the fall,
    And you're stuck in it now...do the road construction crawl!

    "Anybody using 35 between Lakeville and Burnsville,
    remember the major delays are going in that 35 project underway now."

    If you drive in Minnesota in the summertime,
    You'll understand the reason that's behind this rhyme
    From Stillwater to Hopkins, out to South St. Paul,
    All of Minnesota does the road construction crawl

    He said we've only got two seasons every year
    So, Evel Knievel find a lower gear
    It starts every spring, and hangs around through the fall,
    And you're stuck in it now...do the road construction crawl!

    Do the road construction crawl

    "It's a classic case. You can't get there from here."

    Listen/download the song here:
    http://www.k102.com/Downloads/RoadConstructionCrawl.html
     
  6. Said1
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    Actually winter road construction isn't a big issue here in Ottawa - I think. When spring/summer hits, it does seems like my street has something dug up, replaced, re-dug, replaced and so on, through out the duration of warm weather. I also noticed orange spray paint on the sidewalk in front of my house the other day! :mad:
     
  7. fuzzykitten99
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    road construction rarely happens in the winter here. i meant that people think there are 4 seasons in this state. there are only 2. winter and road construction. :tng:

    my husband works in the industry, so i actually don't mind the whole thing. it's our bread and butter.
     
  8. Jimmyeatworld
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    Jimmyeatworld Silver Member

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    You could also be from Texas on that one! What sucks is when you go to bed at night with the a/c running, or even a fan, and wake up freezing to death because the temperture dropped about 40 degrees.
     

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