"It is not your fault, and you are completely responsible for your actions."

Discussion in 'Religion and Ethics' started by Sky Dancer, Feb 21, 2009.

  1. Sky Dancer
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    Is it true? Can you hold these two seemingly contradictory thoughts in your mind? What are the implications of being responsible (completely capable of responding) for your actions yet not locked in a prison of self-blame?

    Your thoughts.....

    Another way of putting this is, "You are fine, and there is no blame." How would your life be different if you had absolute confidence right now that everything was going to be ok?
     
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2009
  2. catzmeow
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    What if it is your fault?
     
  3. manu1959
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    manu1959 Left Coast Isolationist

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    everything is going to be ok.....
     
  4. Sky Dancer
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    Think of how much energy is wasted in in the feeling of self-blame or blaming others for 'what is'?

    Taking responsibility for one's actions is completely different than playing the blame game.
     
  5. catzmeow
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    catzmeow BANNED

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    Sometimes, acknowledging personal culpability is a necessary step in healing and/or changing the negative behavior.

    For instance, my ex-husband just went through a bankruptcy. He spends a lot of time being angry at other people, when in reality, he is the one who chose to overspend.

    What are the odds that he will stop having financial problems if he never acknowledges the behaviors that led to the problems in the first place?
     
  6. catzmeow
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    catzmeow BANNED

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    In my own case, I have a history of dating negative men, and have been physically abused by several of them. It wasn't until I acknowledged my own role in allowing dangerous men into my life that I was able to change that habit and get healthier.

    It wasn't my fault that they were violent, but it was COMPLETELY my fault that they were violent WITH ME, because I allowed them access.
     
  7. catzmeow
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    I see what you are saying as a sort of restatement of the Prayer of St. Augustine, but I do think that as individuals, we have to acknowledge our own role in negative situations if we ever hope to change them.
     
  8. Sky Dancer
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    catz--

    There is a difference between self-blame and taking responsibility for your actions. Somewhere people got the idea that the unhelpful neurological wiring that says 'to make sure we act responsibly, we have to feel the knife of blame after enacting unskillful behaviors" was a good idea

    At a certain level of consciousness, pointing an accustatory finger at ourselves or others seems necessary for recognizing the consequences of one's behavior. I'm pointing to a more refined means of self-regulation that transcends blame.

    This means we can feel the direct pain of being unskillful which comes from a healthy conscience, yet be free from the now transcended habit of blaming.
     
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2009
  9. catzmeow
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    Isn't self blame acknowledging culpability? I don't see a problem with it. Sometimes people really ARE to blame for their problems. Shame can play a role in pushing people to change, or forcing them to behave ethically.

    I think you are mincing words in a non-meaningful way. I have to say that St. Augustine said it more elegantly.
     
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2009
  10. Sky Dancer
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    Whatever, if it doesn't work for you, fine. I'm sad, but not surprised that you're unwilling to give up blame. Blaming shuts down responsiveness (the ability to respond). It also interferes in forgiveness--and being able to move on.

    It's heavy.

    "It's not your fault" frees us to go deeper into the actual causes of a situation to see the threads that connect us to our history, to other people, and eventually, to all of life.
     
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2009

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