i took the first step with aging parent

Discussion in 'Health and Lifestyle' started by strollingbones, May 2, 2009.

  1. strollingbones
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    strollingbones Diamond Member

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    yesterday i got up the nerve or pulled up the big girl panties and took the first step...i called my parent's doctor. he was not in ...on a friday afternoon...but his nurse listen to what i said for a long time.... after talking to her...i went outside to discuss this with son.....doc calls...from his home...he has her coming in for a full exam...he has agreed to take her off her statens for a period....i foolishly hold out the hope that the meds are the problem....but at least the first step is taken...i will keep you updated....it a good lesson for anyone with aging parents....and the only time in my life i wished i had a sibling...
     
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  2. code1211
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    code1211 Senior Member

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    You have my sympathy. Both of my parents have passed. This will be the first Mother's Day on which I don't have a mother. Feels a little lonely.

    Dad was overcome by Alzheimers and was almost non functioning by the time he finally passed.

    Mom just kind of withered after Dad died.

    One incident years ago that was very cute: I was in the home visiting Dad with Mom and we were in the Commons room which was nice, well lit and had a nice view of the Lake. Mom excused herself for a moment and I spoke to Dad who was regressed to a point in his life that I took to be during WW2 and probably in Britain while he was in the Air Force.

    At this point in the advance of Alzheimers, he was operating in an almost dream state all the time. In this state, I was one of his friends in the Air Force and we were having a conversation the way that two young men with not a care in world would on a sunny day in a tavern.

    Across the room, the door opened and mom re-entered the room and Dad's face lit up with a smile. He leaned over to me and said, "You see that girl?... I'm going to marry her."

    After 50 years of marriage and everything that 50 years of marriage implies, he was ready to do it all again. There was almost nothing left to him by the sickness but love. Mom smiled, too. We continued to talk as they sat there holding hands, smiling.

    Good luck.
     
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  3. editec
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    editec Mr. Forgot-it-All

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    What truly touching story, Code.

    My father, as a WWII vet, is hanging in there.

    That man has more gravitas than anyone I've ever met in my life.

    If I have half as much heart as he did I'd be President.
     
  4. Care4all
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    Care4all Warrior Princess Supporting Member

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    What a moving story...makes me want to cry....
     
  5. Care4all
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    Care4all Warrior Princess Supporting Member

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    Best of luck with this Strolling....

    At least she does have you.

    It's kind of scary for matt and me....without any children together, we will have to prepare for our end in life, on our own, with no children to watch over us......we've often said, we hope to bite the dust together at the same time, so the other, won't be left alone.
     
    Last edited: May 2, 2009
  6. Zoom-boing
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    Zoom-boing Gold Member

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    SB - I don't have any advice to offer but wanted to wish you luck. Both my parents are still living and in the house I grew up in. They looked and thought about moving into a retirement/nursing facility but . . . they've been in their house for 44 years and . . . my dad just doesn't want to move. I can't say as I blame him but . . . he is nearly 86 and my mom is 81. They are mentally sharp as a tack but my mom has horrible R.A. and doesn't know what they will do when the time comes that it completely incapacitates her. Their life is spent at the doctors . . . it would be so much easier for them if they were in a place where everything was there, in case something happens. My aunt (my mother's sister) and her husband moved into a facility a few years back. He was dx'd with galloping leukemia shortly after they moved in and he died within a year of his dx. They had also been in a car accident shortly after they moved into the retirement home . . . my aunt was badly hurt (broken ribs, fractured spine), after she recovered she fell, fractured something else, she also fell another time. It was such a good decision for them that they went to the facility even though they didn't want to. It's weird that at some point the child(ren) have to take over the role and 'parent' their parents. Keep us posted about your mom. :)
     
  7. code1211
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    code1211 Senior Member

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    It's funny, I guess really more interesting than funny how my view of my parents changed throughout my life. My siblings, too. I was not aware of many of the "issues" that my siblings had with my parents until we were talkng at my mother's funeral.

    I guess the same applies to anyone that we know all of our lives, but especially so with parents since their role in our lives changes so dramatically across time.

    On the other hand, I see people I went to high school with about once a year and when we get together, we're all 16 year old doofuses again. The mind is interesting in how it sees things.

    I don't know that anyone can truly see his parents until one is a parent himself and has that to share. Thinking back on growing up, I cringe at how impudent and stupid I have been and strive to avoid the same mistakes today. Unfortunately, the "default" settings kick in too often.

    Like you, when I'm faced with a difficult situation, trying to figure out what Dad might have done and that always seems to be a pretty good starting point. I wonder if he had to think about this kind of stuff or if it just happened...
     
  8. strollingbones
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    strollingbones Diamond Member

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    update sorta:

    nurse called...set up an appointment for doctor to call...i dont take that as a good sign..good news is fast..bad news takes an appointment....


    but at least i will know..she did sign the permission form allowing him to talk to me...after years of my begging....
     

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