Hoarders

[FA_Q2]

Speaking of alternative lifestyles, now watching "sister wives", which I also have never seen before.

How do these people afford these brand new houses and nice new cars?

American TV is amazing today, next watch 'Breaking Amish,' 'Honey boo boo,' and finish with the polygamy show in which the women select a husband married or not married. Then there are the Housewives shows and don't forget the 'Kardashians.' As the world turns, no need to watch soaps, they have come alive in a bizarre fashion. A past brother in law was a hoarder, he was always strange, but till he died no one realized all the stuff he had accumulated. We had a few hoarders in Philly recently and you should see the dumpster loads. Unreal. The funny thing about humans is, we are all alike in so many ways, yet some take those ways to the farthest extremes. We all save the useless for all sorts of reasons.

Actually, we did watch a bit of Honey boo boo last night. Ugh. Best to turn off that crap for fear of one's brain rotting and falling out through one's ears.

Something else about hoarding - I've said we're selling books on Amazon and Alibris and other sited, and some other stuff on ebay. And, I think I mentioned that the son of the woman we visited will not have an income when she dies.

From what I saw, he pretty much just sits in front of the TV but I would think he could do well if he worked to sell stuff on line.

To each there own, but I couldn't live like that - the hoarding OR Honey boo boo.

TV is terrible. I cancelled ours about a decade ago and never looked back once. Most programing is complete garbage (particularly ‘reality shows) and you get ‘rewarded’ for watching that crap with a bunch of other guys lies about why you should buy their crap.

If I like a show or movie, ill get the show itself thank you very much. No commercials, programming schedules, monthly bills or garbage that I don’t want to watch in the first place.

I have seen a single episode of hoarders and that WAS interesting for a single episode. I am not sure why I would ever bother watching more than one – it is just the same theme done over again. The only reason that it was interesting the first time is that I had never seen anything done to that extreme. I have to admit,. There is a little hoarder in me as I have a garage that I can no longer walk though but it is CLEAN (no trash) and the house is free of that insane clutter.

 

[Circe]

There is a little hoarder in me as I have a garage that I can no longer walk though but it is CLEAN (no trash) and the house is free of that insane clutter.

Everybody has one such area. Ours is the attic.

I think the criterion is suppose to be whether the house is functional: that is, whether you can walk into and use rooms, sleep on beds, cook on the stove, eat out of the refrigerator without being poisoned, climb stairs normally, sit at a table or on a couch.

Hoarders can't do any of those activities.

 

[Mertex]

It's just a problem of perceived value and organization. An art exhibit could be hoarding of useless junk on a grand scale or priceless canvas with speckles and drops of paint allegedly created by maniac alcoholic Jackson Pollack. If you saw a statue of the Virgin Mary smeared with dung in the front yard of a junk collector you might be horrified but in a NYC art gallery it's considered art. There must be a million big and little museums in the US not to mention the entire world and one man's artfully displayed iron square nail is another man's piece of junk It's all about perception.

You might be stretching it a bit. Hoarders don't display their stuff neatly, they just pile it up, I'm sure if the NY City art gallery doesn't even come close to that.

 

[Mertex]

Hey...you all say 'crazy cat lady' as if it's a bad thing...

Yeah, it would only be crazy if you didn't clean up after them and feed them!

 

[FA_Q2]

1st, you prefaced this whole anecdote with a TV show(?), which means you are admitting that you are clearly biased.
You appear to be very simply justifying your own anti-privacy bias.

Your anecdote has a lot of holes in it...
Why were you there in the first place?
Was you assessment in any way tainted by your clear prejudice?
Do you feel better now that you have denigrated some people on a who apparently welcomed you into their home on an obscure message board?

There is one massive hole in that reasoning though. He never intones that it is not the right of those to do what they were doing.

The idea is with intervention. The OP comes off as though this is a mutual acquaintance through a friend and not a loved no so it does not apply in this specific case to him (at least AFAIK) so that is why I did not post it earlier but there are times when intervention is not only called for but the only moral choice that you can make. There is nothing wrong with stepping up to a loved one and attempting to pull them back from self-destructive lifestyle. A good parallel is drug use. There are times when an individual is simply lost and cannot claw themselves out from the inside of their own situation. In those cases, the person in question might not even ask, intone or even realize that they need help but they need it all the same. Sometimes what it takes for them to reach that admission is for a loved one that they care dearly about to smack them in the face and force them to see the situation. After that, it is the person’s choice to take the help or reject it. In the end it is always their choice but in the beginning it is the loved ones RESPONSIBILITY to help insofar as they can.

These people didn't come across as lost although, apparently neither goes out except when they have to. Noomi makes a very good point about safety. Like the anecdote about the roaches and ticks in the house next to us in Tucson, these people surely don't live in a vacuum.

This has been very much on my mind but, like I've said before, I still can't quite see that its my place to be part of some sort of intervention. Maybe I'm just a coward but, just as I wrote in earlier posts, I think I just have to back away and mind my own business.

Its only cowardly if these people mean enough to you to justify the stress and hardship that you would need to go through to help them because, let’s face it, such an action is NOT easy on your part. You have not clarified how close you are to them. If you are not that close than it is not cowardly at all, they have no rights to your attention and hard work anymore than you have a right to force them to live as you want. Only a personal connection with them and them with you gives either of you the responsibility to step in.

Of course, even if you deem that they are that important to you and you are going to take up that charge – it might be for naught.

 

[FA_Q2]

Just down the road from us is a home that was up for sale. It was for sale for 12 months before the owners gave up because they had no choice but to stay there.
They live on a corner, and there are two houses either side of theirs.
House one is falling down, and should be demolished. The grass is overgrown, the front veranda is a shambles. The 'garage' is ready to save in, and the entire house needs a good paint. In summer, the grass grows to knee heightm but they still head outside to peg the washing on the line. They have spent thousands on solar panels, but nothing on cleaning up the outside of the house.

House number two has a couple of feral Aborigines in it. Bedsheets for curtains, overgrown grass, rusty cars in the front yard, broken windows etc.

The house with the For Sale sign out the front never did sell, and it won't - unless the owners want to accept a price well under that of the true value of the house, all because of the properties next door.

Now, the owners of the two homes are not hoarders, but it gives you an idea of how people can be affected by one person's choices.

Disclaimer: this applies to the US only. I have no idea what the law is in your nation:

When you purchase a home you have a decision to make. Do you want the freedom to park a trailer on blocks in your yard or do you want an organized location with a homeowners association and bylaws that control that kind of environment. Simply put, if that person who could not sell their home lived in the US, they would only have themselves to blame. They did not go through the trouble to ensure that such a set of rules was in place before they purchased the home. That is real freedom because you have the option to set up communities as you see fit or you have the option not to. You just have to accept the consequences when you do.

The idea is with intervention. The OP comes off as though this is a mutual acquaintance through a friend and not a loved no so it does not apply in this specific case to him (at least AFAIK) so that is why I did not post it earlier but there are times when intervention is not only called for but the only moral choice that you can make. There is nothing wrong with stepping up to a loved one and attempting to pull them back from self-destructive lifestyle. A good parallel is drug use. There are times when an individual is simply lost and cannot claw themselves out from the inside of their own situation. In those cases, the person in question might not even ask, intone or even realize that they need help but they need it all the same. Sometimes what it takes for them to reach that admission is for a loved one that they care dearly about to smack them in the face and force them to see the situation. After that, it is the person’s choice to take the help or reject it. In the end it is always their choice but in the beginning it is the loved ones RESPONSIBILITY to help insofar as they can.

There IS a case to be made for freedom, however, and that is why people leave it alone for so long -------- well, the hoarder usually hides what s/he is doing, of course, because they don't want to clean up and throw out. I think in many cases, the best thing to do is wait till the person dies, then clean up. Hire it done or let the county do it. The situation Luddly saw is more complex because there is a younger son who also hoards.

I don't think the "eyesore" reason is a good one for the law requiring cleanup. Sure, the hoarder depreciates property values all around. But s/he's been there a LONG time, maybe that's fair. Luddly is looking around now and seeing a lot of messy yards and realizing that if they are like that outside, what are they like inside? Worse, probably. There's a lot more hoarding that people used to realize. But we're learning now.

The vermin problem is one I don't know the answer to. Hoarders have appalling vermin issues and neighbors usually complain about that, but is that reasonable if it's a free-standing house? I'm not sure it is. If they want to live with mice and ants and roaches and bedbugs in a free-standing house and there are no children there -------- shouldn't they be free to do so? Opinion?

My opinion is addressed above. You do NOT have a right to interfere with others though and if you are creating a health risk with vermin or other unreasonable risk the you are going to have to clean it up or be evicted. The ‘eyesore’ though is a matter of whether or not you have entered into a mutual contract to cover that (aka: homeowners associations and the like). That would apply to almost anything as long as it was not a direct threat to you or affecting your property rights.

I would not think that a ‘messy’ yard is an indication of a hoarder though. I lived next to someone that I think is going to become a hoarder as there insanity worsens. It usually works like that. They used to keep their trash that belonged outside in the kitchen (I assume so they did not have to take it out so often) and the smell was absolutely terrible in the house. They used to try and cook for us and we would refuse to eat anything made at that house, just the thought of the dishes disgusted me. They could still walk around and use the bathrooms/couches and other things but you coud tell it was just like the hoarders in an infancy stage.

The doctors told the woman that she should not clean up after the cats and dogs (2 each I think) because feces was unhealthy for pregnant women. While true, she was not smart enough to realize that leaving it in the middle of the living room floor for a day or 2 was far WORSE. Absolutely disgusting.

 

[Luddly Neddite]

There is one massive hole in that reasoning though. He never intones that it is not the right of those to do what they were doing.

The idea is with intervention. The OP comes off as though this is a mutual acquaintance through a friend and not a loved no so it does not apply in this specific case to him (at least AFAIK) so that is why I did not post it earlier but there are times when intervention is not only called for but the only moral choice that you can make. There is nothing wrong with stepping up to a loved one and attempting to pull them back from self-destructive lifestyle. A good parallel is drug use. There are times when an individual is simply lost and cannot claw themselves out from the inside of their own situation. In those cases, the person in question might not even ask, intone or even realize that they need help but they need it all the same. Sometimes what it takes for them to reach that admission is for a loved one that they care dearly about to smack them in the face and force them to see the situation. After that, it is the person’s choice to take the help or reject it. In the end it is always their choice but in the beginning it is the loved ones RESPONSIBILITY to help insofar as they can.

These people didn't come across as lost although, apparently neither goes out except when they have to. Noomi makes a very good point about safety. Like the anecdote about the roaches and ticks in the house next to us in Tucson, these people surely don't live in a vacuum.

This has been very much on my mind but, like I've said before, I still can't quite see that its my place to be part of some sort of intervention. Maybe I'm just a coward but, just as I wrote in earlier posts, I think I just have to back away and mind my own business.

Its only cowardly if these people mean enough to you to justify the stress and hardship that you would need to go through to help them because, let’s face it, such an action is NOT easy on your part. You have not clarified how close you are to them. If you are not that close than it is not cowardly at all, they have no rights to your attention and hard work anymore than you have a right to force them to live as you want. Only a personal connection with them and them with you gives either of you the responsibility to step in.

Of course, even if you deem that they are that important to you and you are going to take up that charge – it might be for naught.

I've thought about how I would feel if someone came into my home and informed me that they were there to set me straight, to "fix" my way of living.

Watching that horrendous tv show about hoarding, those people were in terrible distress. They were ashamed and overwhelmed and, IMO, mentally ill to some extent. To a person, they had asked for help. The people I visited were not looking to fix their way of life and its not up to me or anyone else to tell them differently.

Needless to say, if I lived next door, I might feel differently.

The doctors told the woman that she should not clean up after the cats and dogs (2 each I think) because feces was unhealthy for pregnant women.

Just an FYI -- the parasite, toxoplasmosis is more commonly passed to pregnant women via handling raw meat they're preparing to eat. That doesn't mean the litter box is safe. It just means that meat should be prepared on separate cutting board and, of course, wash everything well - including your hands.

 

[arKangel]

Since getting home today, I've been watching the program, Hoarders, Buried Alive. I had never seen it before and decided to watch it because I visited a hoarder today. I had been told it was bad before I got there but I was absolutely stunned at what I saw.

A long time, widowed woman and her 30-some son live in this very nice bi-level house. They're both very heavy smokers so breathing is pretty much impossible. Just inside the front door, you can look up to the top level but there are boxes and stuff right to the edge of the steps so going up there is not possible.

She invited us down to the lower level where we walked past a little alcove where there was a TV playing and her son sitting at the end of a couch that was piled high with stuff.There were boxes, VCR tapes and overflowing ashtrays.

The next room was a kitchen where there was a table with her computer on it, two chairs besides the one where she sits and a refrigerator. The stove was piled high but it looked like they use a microwave. More ashtrays and filth everywhere.

Both are overweight and diabetic. She sort of served coffee, key lime pie and brownies. The coffee was instant, heated in the microwave and the desserts were store bought. As we sat there, she ate most of the key lime pie while her son ate most of the brownies.

I once knew another hoarder where you had to shimmy inside sideways and you literally stepped up onto the filth. This person seemed to be clueless or maybe just uncaring but she invited me in as though she lived in a castle. Inside, she took me in to the bathroom to see kittens so I walked through the living room, down a hallway, past a bedroom and into the bathroom. In that walk, there was no place to sit, no toilet or shower. The tub was piled high with clothes, empty cat food cans and empty TV dinners and soda cans and just trash. Seeing that was years ago and I was really unprepared for what I saw today.

So, I've been asked for help in dealing with this situation. Both are unhappy with this awful mess but I didn't see or hear any thing that indicated they wanted to make a change. I feel like there's a huge wall and no way past it.

MY opinion is that nothing can be done or should be done until and unless they want it. And, they're going to have to want it really bad because, out of a 4 bedroom house, they are actually living in two very tiny rooms. (I have no idea where they sleep.) Moreover, I feel like I (my friends) don't have the right to go in and tell these people how to live.

A major factor here is that the son has no way to make a living when his mother dies. As it is now, they're living on family wealth passed down to them. The house is paid for.

Has anyone ever seen this before and have any thoughts?

BTW, I've dealt with animal hoarders but never anything like this.

Thanks for reading this long post.

1st, you prefaced this whole anecdote with a TV show(?), which means you are admitting that you are clearly biased.
You appear to be very simply justifying your own anti-privacy bias.

Your anecdote has a lot of holes in it...
Why were you there in the first place?
Was you assessment in any way tainted by your clear prejudice?
Do you feel better now that you have denigrated some people on a who apparently welcomed you into their home on an obscure message board?

Perhaps you would like to actually read what was written before judging.

Or, perhaps not.

Either is fine with me.

Umm, it seems you are the one who is doing the "judging", I mean these people welcomed you into their home... and this is how you repay the hospitality?

Either way, let me reiterate the questions so are so eager to avoid...

Why were you there in the first place?
Has your advertising of some typical hateful TV show influenced your portrayal of people in this anecdote?
Do you feel better now that you have denigrated people who obviously welcomed you into their home?

 

[MikeK]

The literature is mixed as to whether it is a learned behavior or has neurologic origins. Everyone seems to agree that a hoarder seldom sees it as a problem.

"..hoarding as an avoidance behavior tied to indecisiveness and perfectionism. Saving allows the hoarder to avoid the decision required to throw something away, and the worry which accompanies that decision (worry that a mistake has been made). Also, it allows hoarders to avoid emotional reactions which accompany parting with cherished possessions, and results in increased perception of control."

Some behaviorists believe an aspect of the hoarding orientation, which is a recognized psychological disorder, motivates the compulsive accumulation and retention (hoarding) of excessive wealth.

Having accumulated a level of wealth capable of assuring a lifetime of luxurious comfort and continued prosperity, the rational mind would be inclined to turn away from the demanding efforts of accumulation (input) and toward benevolent and philanthropic pursuits (output). But the hoarding compulsion in this example manifests as obsessive preoccupation with input and retention.

 

[FA_Q2]

I've thought about how I would feel if someone came into my home and informed me that they were there to set me straight, to "fix" my way of living.

Watching that horrendous tv show about hoarding, those people were in terrible distress. They were ashamed and overwhelmed and, IMO, mentally ill to some extent. To a person, they had asked for help. The people I visited were not looking to fix their way of life and its not up to me or anyone else to tell them differently.

Needless to say, if I lived next door, I might feel differently.

My father never asked for help either for his cocaine addiction. He didn’t think he had one and, consequently, he did not think he needed any help. When faced with the prospect of loosing his grandchildren though (and watching one of them possibly pass away without being able to see him) he realized that there really was something wrong and he needed to address it. Sometimes, you intervene whether or not the person realizes it is needed.

I must note that this is different though in the fact that the loss is far less. A hoarder does not necessarily lose contact with friends or family but rather simply loses the ability to have them visit within their own home or deal with anything there.

 

[Luddly Neddite]

Some behaviorists believe an aspect of the hoarding orientation, which is a recognized psychological disorder, motivates the compulsive accumulation and retention (hoarding) of excessive wealth.

Having accumulated a level of wealth capable of assuring a lifetime of luxurious comfort and continued prosperity, the rational mind would be inclined to turn away from the demanding efforts of accumulation (input) and toward benevolent and philanthropic pursuits (output). But the hoarding compulsion in this example manifests as obsessive preoccupation with input and retention.

I must note that this is different though in the fact that the loss is far less. A hoarder does not necessarily lose contact with friends or family but rather simply loses the ability to have them visit within their own home or deal with anything there.

Interesting that most of us believe our family is our biggest wealth and yet, from what I've seen so far, and I'm still learning!, the "things" these poor people have are worth less than nothing and the hoarding does indeed drive away family and friends.

I mean, pooping on the floor of your home? That's sends an unmistakable message.

But, so does not having a place to sit and the stench of roaches, mice and so on.

This is just heartbreaking.

 

[Mertex]

1st, you prefaced this whole anecdote with a TV show(?), which means you are admitting that you are clearly biased.
You appear to be very simply justifying your own anti-privacy bias.

Your anecdote has a lot of holes in it...
Why were you there in the first place?
Was you assessment in any way tainted by your clear prejudice?
Do you feel better now that you have denigrated some people on a who apparently welcomed you into their home on an obscure message board?

Perhaps you would like to actually read what was written before judging.

Or, perhaps not.

Either is fine with me.

Umm, it seems you are the one who is doing the "judging", I mean these people welcomed you into their home... and this is how you repay the hospitality?

Either way, let me reiterate the questions so are so eager to avoid...

Why were you there in the first place?
Has your advertising of some typical hateful TV show influenced your portrayal of people in this anecdote?
Do you feel better now that you have denigrated people who obviously welcomed you into their home?

Chill out already. Sounds like you may have taken this too personally? Everyone is just giving their opinion. I don't understand hoarders, and I don't understand how anyone can live like that, there's definitely something wrong with someone who hoards to that extreme, that's all.

 

[Againsheila]

Since getting home today, I've been watching the program, Hoarders, Buried Alive. I had never seen it before and decided to watch it because I visited a hoarder today. I had been told it was bad before I got there but I was absolutely stunned at what I saw.

A long time, widowed woman and her 30-some son live in this very nice bi-level house. They're both very heavy smokers so breathing is pretty much impossible. Just inside the front door, you can look up to the top level but there are boxes and stuff right to the edge of the steps so going up there is not possible.

She invited us down to the lower level where we walked past a little alcove where there was a TV playing and her son sitting at the end of a couch that was piled high with stuff.There were boxes, VCR tapes and overflowing ashtrays.

The next room was a kitchen where there was a table with her computer on it, two chairs besides the one where she sits and a refrigerator. The stove was piled high but it looked like they use a microwave. More ashtrays and filth everywhere.

Both are overweight and diabetic. She sort of served coffee, key lime pie and brownies. The coffee was instant, heated in the microwave and the desserts were store bought. As we sat there, she ate most of the key lime pie while her son ate most of the brownies.

I once knew another hoarder where you had to shimmy inside sideways and you literally stepped up onto the filth. This person seemed to be clueless or maybe just uncaring but she invited me in as though she lived in a castle. Inside, she took me in to the bathroom to see kittens so I walked through the living room, down a hallway, past a bedroom and into the bathroom. In that walk, there was no place to sit, no toilet or shower. The tub was piled high with clothes, empty cat food cans and empty TV dinners and soda cans and just trash. Seeing that was years ago and I was really unprepared for what I saw today.

So, I've been asked for help in dealing with this situation. Both are unhappy with this awful mess but I didn't see or hear any thing that indicated they wanted to make a change. I feel like there's a huge wall and no way past it.

MY opinion is that nothing can be done or should be done until and unless they want it. And, they're going to have to want it really bad because, out of a 4 bedroom house, they are actually living in two very tiny rooms. (I have no idea where they sleep.) Moreover, I feel like I (my friends) don't have the right to go in and tell these people how to live.

A major factor here is that the son has no way to make a living when his mother dies. As it is now, they're living on family wealth passed down to them. The house is paid for.

Has anyone ever seen this before and have any thoughts?

BTW, I've dealt with animal hoarders but never anything like this.

Thanks for reading this long post.

I've watched a few episodes of the Hoarders and only one of those people, I think will really change. It was the mother who was having them clean out her house because she wanted to see her kids and grandkids again. At one point, they asked her about something and she started to think about it but before she answered, her daughter gave her a look and she said, take it, I want to see my grandkids again.

It's an illness. Even if you clean it up, it will end up back the same way unless they get some kind of continuing help.

I will say, watching the show had gotten my husband to start moving and getting rid of some things he's been "collecting" over the years.

 

[Againsheila]

I'd rather watch Duck Dynasty or What Not To Wear (which sadly, is ending its run).

Duky Dynasty is funny. The episode with the bees had me laughing so hard I practically peed my pants.

Using a shop vac to vacuum up the bees so you can steal their honey???? How could they not know how badly that was going to end. Uncle Sy "Everyman for himself!" as he drives away in the jeep, leaving Willie trying to outrace the bees.

 

[Againsheila]

I'd rather watch Duck Dynasty or What Not To Wear (which sadly, is ending its run).

I know!

But watching a human garbage machine???? that is something to behold!

I'm glad I cancelled cable.

 

[Againsheila]

Don't do it!!!!

If you throw stuff away... tomorrow you will need it.

Hehe, I suffer from the knowledge that as soon as I throw something away and cannot retrieve it, I will need it. I'm not a hoarder, but I have wondered just what it would take to make me one... probably bachelorhood!

Immie

This is really true.

I wrote a while back about us deciding to get rid of some of our huge book collection so we wouldn't have that to worry about when we sell another one of our houses. I have listed several hundred on Amazon, Alibris, ebay, etc and its nice to get those emails telling us there has been another deposit to our bank account. And, its really nice to see stuff going out of the house.

So far, I haven't been REEEEL sorry if a particular title or item sold but there have been times when I've thought about it --

More than anything else, I like being in control of my stuff and not the other way around.

We have literally 1,000s of books, which is why we can never move. I know most of them will never be ready again, and would be happy donating them to our friends of the library group, but mr. boe is rather attached. It's the only thing about which he's materialistic.

There is book out there called "The Inca Princess". My grandfather had it in his library but my mom wouldn't let me borrow it and he died that night. I was in 5th grade and wanted to read the book because we were studying the aztecs and incas in school. Somehow that book disappeared. The only thing I asked for from my grandfather. If any of you book hoarders have it, I'll gladly pay you for it, if I can afford it.

 

[Luddly Neddite]

Since getting home today, I've been watching the program, Hoarders, Buried Alive. I had never seen it before and decided to watch it because I visited a hoarder today. I had been told it was bad before I got there but I was absolutely stunned at what I saw.

A long time, widowed woman and her 30-some son live in this very nice bi-level house. They're both very heavy smokers so breathing is pretty much impossible. Just inside the front door, you can look up to the top level but there are boxes and stuff right to the edge of the steps so going up there is not possible.

She invited us down to the lower level where we walked past a little alcove where there was a TV playing and her son sitting at the end of a couch that was piled high with stuff.There were boxes, VCR tapes and overflowing ashtrays.

The next room was a kitchen where there was a table with her computer on it, two chairs besides the one where she sits and a refrigerator. The stove was piled high but it looked like they use a microwave. More ashtrays and filth everywhere.

Both are overweight and diabetic. She sort of served coffee, key lime pie and brownies. The coffee was instant, heated in the microwave and the desserts were store bought. As we sat there, she ate most of the key lime pie while her son ate most of the brownies.

I once knew another hoarder where you had to shimmy inside sideways and you literally stepped up onto the filth. This person seemed to be clueless or maybe just uncaring but she invited me in as though she lived in a castle. Inside, she took me in to the bathroom to see kittens so I walked through the living room, down a hallway, past a bedroom and into the bathroom. In that walk, there was no place to sit, no toilet or shower. The tub was piled high with clothes, empty cat food cans and empty TV dinners and soda cans and just trash. Seeing that was years ago and I was really unprepared for what I saw today.

So, I've been asked for help in dealing with this situation. Both are unhappy with this awful mess but I didn't see or hear any thing that indicated they wanted to make a change. I feel like there's a huge wall and no way past it.

MY opinion is that nothing can be done or should be done until and unless they want it. And, they're going to have to want it really bad because, out of a 4 bedroom house, they are actually living in two very tiny rooms. (I have no idea where they sleep.) Moreover, I feel like I (my friends) don't have the right to go in and tell these people how to live.

A major factor here is that the son has no way to make a living when his mother dies. As it is now, they're living on family wealth passed down to them. The house is paid for.

Has anyone ever seen this before and have any thoughts?

BTW, I've dealt with animal hoarders but never anything like this.

Thanks for reading this long post.

I've watched a few episodes of the Hoarders and only one of those people, I think will really change. It was the mother who was having them clean out her house because she wanted to see her kids and grandkids again. At one point, they asked her about something and she started to think about it but before she answered, her daughter gave her a look and she said, take it, I want to see my grandkids again.

It's an illness. Even if you clean it up, it will end up back the same way unless they get some kind of continuing help.

I will say, watching the show had gotten my husband to start moving and getting rid of some things he's been "collecting" over the years.

Oh how well I understand that.

I've never liked clutter. It keeps me from actually getting things done, or so it seems to me.

I've had enough of watching the so-called "reality" shows to last me for a long time.

 

[Againsheila]

I'd rather watch Duck Dynasty or What Not To Wear (which sadly, is ending its run).

I know!

But watching a human garbage machine???? that is something to behold!

If you want to see a real human garbage machine, check out "I Eat 33,000 Calories A Day" (it was on the Discovery Channel a few years back).

Talk about disgusting. Here's a clip.

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0fISI7tYPE].[/ame]

You know, I'm overweight, not that overweight, but I am overweight and I'm finding it impossible to lose. I was really depressed until I talked a woman who told me that my blood pressure medicine causes weight gain. Great, all this time I've been working to lose weight and I actually did lose 13 pounds, but I can't seem to lose anymore. If I don't take my blood pressure pills I lose my kidney. If I don't lose weight, I need the blood pressure pills. It's a vicious circle. I can't imagine how fat I'd be if I ate 33,000 calories a day. I eat less than most thin people as a rule. At this point I'm dieting to maintain my weight so I don't get even fatter. There are times when I binge but as I don't keep a lot of the stuff I binge on in the house, those times are getting rarer and rarer. If I want to binge, I actually have to plan it.

If I go out to eat with my friend, we usually split a meal and there's still left overs. One day, the waitress looked at me funny when I ordered a big breakfast (my husband didn't want to split anything) and I asked for a box and took 2/3 of it home. I ate the rest of it throughout the day. Then I read things like this and I think "people think I'm disgusting because I'm fat", but there's not a whole lot I can do about it. I was walking 30 minutes a day, everyday but my bone spurs got the best of me. Now I'm looking for a pool where I can go exercise but I really need to do it several times a week and it's more than $6.00 to use the pool at the community center and that's when you belong. Another what, $500 to join? This was paid for with our tax dollars, it should be free, or low cost to our residents. Worse, they raised the utilities taxes to pay for it so it didn't have to go before the voters and we can't deduct it from our income tax.

I don't sit at home and watch TV all the time. I'm still going to the church every Monday to give out lunches. I'm co-housemanger and coordinator of volunteers for our local live theater, and now, I'm the secretary of our non-academic sorority that raises funds for cancer research. It's so nice to know that while I'm running around in actual physical pain doing the job that needs to be done anyway, making sure everything goes right at the theater, that there are some people there thinking I'm disgusting. It does so much for my morale.

I'll bet you can guess what I find disgusting...

 

[Againsheila]

Some of those folks have mental issues and cleaning up their house for them won't make those issues go away.

See, I believe that we overuse the term 'mental illness'. Sometimes there is nothing wrong with you, but we label people mentally ill anyway to give them an excuse for their rotten behavior.

I'm pretty sure those people on Hoarders are mentally ill.

You sound like my brother who was all over me to get after my son and get him working. My oldest son has high functioning autism. He can't find a job. He graduated from De Vry with a 4.0 and can't find a job. Unfortunately for my brother, the last time he went off on me about it was in front of his girlfriend who is a physical therapist and knows a little something about the disorder. She looked at him and explained it in words he finally understood. My brother hasn't said a word since, which takes a heck of a lot of unneeded pressure off of me. I love his girlfriend.

 

[Againsheila]

Hey...you all say 'crazy cat lady' as if it's a bad thing...

I plan to be a crazy cat lady someday. Maybe that's why my husband won't let me get a cat?