Hoarders

Luddly Neddite

Diamond Member
Sep 14, 2011
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Since getting home today, I've been watching the program, Hoarders, Buried Alive. I had never seen it before and decided to watch it because I visited a hoarder today. I had been told it was bad before I got there but I was absolutely stunned at what I saw.

A long time, widowed woman and her 30-some son live in this very nice bi-level house. They're both very heavy smokers so breathing is pretty much impossible. Just inside the front door, you can look up to the top level but there are boxes and stuff right to the edge of the steps so going up there is not possible.

She invited us down to the lower level where we walked past a little alcove where there was a TV playing and her son sitting at the end of a couch that was piled high with stuff.There were boxes, VCR tapes and overflowing ashtrays.

The next room was a kitchen where there was a table with her computer on it, two chairs besides the one where she sits and a refrigerator. The stove was piled high but it looked like they use a microwave. More ashtrays and filth everywhere.

Both are overweight and diabetic. She sort of served coffee, key lime pie and brownies. The coffee was instant, heated in the microwave and the desserts were store bought. As we sat there, she ate most of the key lime pie while her son ate most of the brownies.

I once knew another hoarder where you had to shimmy inside sideways and you literally stepped up onto the filth. This person seemed to be clueless or maybe just uncaring but she invited me in as though she lived in a castle. Inside, she took me in to the bathroom to see kittens so I walked through the living room, down a hallway, past a bedroom and into the bathroom. In that walk, there was no place to sit, no toilet or shower. The tub was piled high with clothes, empty cat food cans and empty TV dinners and soda cans and just trash. Seeing that was years ago and I was really unprepared for what I saw today.

So, I've been asked for help in dealing with this situation. Both are unhappy with this awful mess but I didn't see or hear any thing that indicated they wanted to make a change. I feel like there's a huge wall and no way past it.

MY opinion is that nothing can be done or should be done until and unless they want it. And, they're going to have to want it really bad because, out of a 4 bedroom house, they are actually living in two very tiny rooms. (I have no idea where they sleep.) Moreover, I feel like I (my friends) don't have the right to go in and tell these people how to live.

A major factor here is that the son has no way to make a living when his mother dies. As it is now, they're living on family wealth passed down to them. The house is paid for.

Has anyone ever seen this before and have any thoughts?

BTW, I've dealt with animal hoarders but never anything like this.

Thanks for reading this long post.
 
Speaking of alternative lifestyles, now watching "sister wives", which I also have never seen before.

How do these people afford these brand new houses and nice new cars?
 
I live in an apartment building and the apartment next to me was a husband and wife who were hoarders.They have a young daughter who would vist from time to time.All of them dressed ok and from the looks of them who would think anything was up.

Well so many people who lived above them complained about a smell coming into their apartments
the landlord sent the super in there to see what was going on.I would be out in the hallway waiting for the elevator and the smell of "mouse" was heavy in the hallway.

We had a really bad roach problem in the hallway as well with roaches all around their door.

Well when access was gained into their apartment the sight and smell was horrific.
It took six men six hours to get all the crap out.They filled up a good sized dumpster
that was out in the street.While this was going on you could not walk out into the hall.
I took a peek inside and was shocked at the filth.

These people were living in an apartment that was floor to ceiling trash.

Someone bought the apartment and had it gutted.It has taken weeks but finally the stink is gone
as well as the husband and wife.I am shocked at what was going on next door and can't figure for the life of me how they were able to live in all that.
 
Yeesh.

You've brought back a really weird memory from my childhood. A neighbor house where, instead of laundering clothing, they would throw it outside and, I guess, just buy more.

Another memory, of neighbors to a house we rented before we bought a house in Tucson. I went to their house one day to ask to use the phone because ours wasn't installed yet. There were kids at home watching TV and I stood at the kitchen counter to talk on the phone. There were dirty dishes, open food cans, filth, cockroaches, mice - everywhere. It smelled awful and the roaches didn't even bother hiding. There were out in the open, leisurely wandering from one food source to another.

They had dogs outside and that's where we got ticks that it took us so many years to get rid of.

At least your filthy neighbors moved out.
 
I've never seen anything like that before except on tv.

My only thought is that there is nothing you can do to help until they decide to make a change in their lifestyles.

Good luck,

Immie
 
I've never seen anything like that before except on tv.

My only thought is that there is nothing you can do to help until they decide to make a change in their lifestyles.

Good luck,

Immie

My thinking as well but today I was told that's a cop-out.

Thing is, if they don't want to change, they won't change. And, unless they're breakig some law or endangering others, I believe they have the right to live that way.

As for the son not having a way to earn a living ... They both know that the money will end with her death but they have done nothing to plan ahead for that eventuality.

Isn't that their choice?
 
Jeeez. I've turned the TV back to that hoarding program and there are people actually wearing respirators inside the house.

About 3 years ago, we left out house in town empty for the entire summer. The air conditioner was on but the people who we paid to check on the house didn't, the AC quit and we went back to a house that was covered with mold. It was terrible and we had to have it professionally cleaned.

How could people live in that? And, why?

Yeah, I know, it really is a mental illness.

Just really sad.
 
I've never seen anything like that before except on tv.

My only thought is that there is nothing you can do to help until they decide to make a change in their lifestyles.

Good luck,

Immie

My thinking as well but today I was told that's a cop-out.

Thing is, if they don't want to change, they won't change. And, unless they're breakig some law or endangering others, I believe they have the right to live that way.

As for the son not having a way to earn a living ... They both know that the money will end with her death but they have done nothing to plan ahead for that eventuality.

Isn't that their choice?

It is their choice.

And I don't agree that it is a "cop-out". You could barge in there and clean up that house making it **** an' span if you are so inclined, but before long they will be right back in the same situation and you will have not accomplished anything. They will probably resent you for it, too.

Immie
 
The literature is mixed as to whether it is a learned behavior or has neurologic origins. Everyone seems to agree that a hoarder seldom sees it as a problem.

"..hoarding as an avoidance behavior tied to indecisiveness and perfectionism. Saving allows the hoarder to avoid the decision required to throw something away, and the worry which accompanies that decision (worry that a mistake has been made). Also, it allows hoarders to avoid emotional reactions which accompany parting with cherished possessions, and results in increased perception of control."

The hoarding of possessions

https://www.google.com/#fp=d376bad89d5753b2&q=psychology+of+hoarding+behavior&revid=1305656010



Hoard_cartoon_1.jpg
 
Everyone seems to agree that a hoarder seldom sees it as a problem.

Today, trying to be diplomatic, it was very clear that she did not see a problem. Her son - argh. Who knows? He just seems like a cypher.

Visiting them and then watching this horrible TV show just makes me want to throw stuff away!
 
Everyone seems to agree that a hoarder seldom sees it as a problem.

Today, trying to be diplomatic, it was very clear that she did not see a problem. Her son - argh. Who knows? He just seems like a cypher.

Visiting them and then watching this horrible TV show just makes me want to throw stuff away!

Don't do it!!!!

If you throw stuff away... tomorrow you will need it. :)

Hehe, I suffer from the knowledge that as soon as I throw something away and cannot retrieve it, I will need it. I'm not a hoarder, but I have wondered just what it would take to make me one... probably bachelorhood!

Immie
 
Speaking of alternative lifestyles, now watching "sister wives", which I also have never seen before.

How do these people afford these brand new houses and nice new cars?



WIC welfare. They aren't legally married, so they qualify for single mother benefits.
 
Hoarding is in the eye of the beholder. If it becomes a health hazard the government steps in but otherwise the old saying comes to mind "one man's junk is another man's treasure". It's all a matter of value and organization. You could say the Smithsonian is the biggest hoarder the world has ever seen with 200 million artifacts stashed away in jars and bins in dusty basements.
 
I don't know if this qualifies as the same thing, but I knew a guy a few years ago that hoarded girl friends. Obviously, he couldn't keep them all together in the living room.
 
Collecting is not the same as hoarding.
 
Collecting is not the same as hoarding.

True. But where do you draw the line? Seems like there is a lot of grey area.


I think the line is crossed when it becomes unmanageable and one's life is dysfunctional. Not being able to walk through one's abode unimpeded is a sign...as are the inability to hold a job, find things, let go of possessions, etc.

I read an article a couple of years ago about a woman who lives in one of those Tiny Houses. She has a limit for the number of possessions she can own. If she acquires an additional possession, she gets rid of one she already has. I like the concept of setting a limit for one's space. Hoarders don't do that.
 
Speaking of alternative lifestyles, now watching "sister wives", which I also have never seen before.

How do these people afford these brand new houses and nice new cars?



WIC welfare. They aren't legally married, so they qualify for single mother benefits.

Oh.

Disgusting but, welfare isn't enough to even subsist on and apparently, they had 4 new houses built for them, all together on a cul de sac. There were a slew of newish cars parked out front and what looked like a litter of little baby fundie morms in every scene.

Oh, and at one point, daddy koresh preacher told the kids they couldn't bring their smart phones to "church" which appeared to be held in the living room. I heard him say something about them being alone. No others of their kind.

To each their own but I think they should pay their own way. And, I wonder how much these "reality" shows pay.
 

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