Headlines in 2030

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Foxfyre, Jul 17, 2010.

  1. Foxfyre
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    Foxfyre Eternal optimist Gold Supporting Member Supporting Member

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    Gleanings from my evening e-mail. I should post it in politics I suppose, but oh well. . . .

    HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2030

    Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California.

    Minorities still trying to have English recognized as California's third language.

    Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

    Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.

    Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

    Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

    France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

    Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

    George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

    Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

    85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

    Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

    Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in California and Florida.

    Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a politician with his mouth shut.

    Abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States.

    Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.

    Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

    Average height of NBA players is now nine feet seven inches.

    New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030..

    IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent..

    Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.
     
  2. hitmark
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    hitmark Member

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    here are some more head lines

    24Buds No Longer Allowed Within 50 Miles of Any Endangered Species.
    Bobby, 228 yrs old.. still grumpy... and lovin' it.
    Chickenboy and Chickengirl welcome 7th child: A girl named Trodery 7th.
    Spirit Hosts BIP (Breastfeeding In Public) Rally. All men banned from attending.
    Herpetarium & Snake Petting Zoo named after Mastercylinder..
    Slopoke arrested: "Honest sheriff, I was just trying to push the sheep through the fence."
     

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