Great Joke

William Joyce

Chemotherapy for PC
Jan 23, 2004
9,758
1,160
190
Caucasiastan
Ariel Sharon dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there God meets him and he tells him he is going to give him a tour of heaven. After the tour is over he God takes Sharon to the place he will be living. When he gets there it is a small, dirty old shack with a little star of david on it. Next to it is a huge, luxurious mansion with swastikas on it. Sharon says to God "why did you give Hitler such a big house?" to which God replies "Hitler? That’s my house!"
 
Mr. Joyce has never read the Bible. His jokes only make sense when you remember that.
 
Here's one you'll like.


Q= How did the Nazi's invade Poland so easily?


A= They drove their tanks in backwards and said they were leaving.



Old, but I still think it's funny.
 
Originally posted by Zhukov
Here's one you'll like.


Q= How did the Nazi's invade Poland so easily?


A= They drove their tanks in backwards and said they were leaving.



Old, but I still think it's funny.
:laugh:
 
That wasn't very nice.

You know they can't understand big words like that.
 
It was the Jewish church leaders that captured Jesus though, they may have not done the stabbin but they did the catching.

The jokes are excellent, apart from the Aspirin one, that was crap.

jax
 
Two Jews go into a bar. On hearing this, the Arab world claims that Jews invented alcohol, white supremacists claim that Jews own all the bars and control the liquor industry, and the U.N. issues a resolution condemning Israel for taking over "Palestinian" barstools.
 
Originally posted by UhihaJax

It was the Jewish church leaders that captured Jesus though, they may have not done the stabbin but they did the catching.

jaxass


It is always those cursed damned Jewish CHURCH leaders responsible for all the evil on the earth.

We white volks are never to blame when we have innocent sheep to blame.

I had no idea Christ was stabbed by them Jew boys, I always thought that the Protestants wanted him dead so they could be forgiven for their sins.

Them Jews catched that Jew Jesus with a net cause he promised to save them from their Roman overseers. Jesus was jealous of the Roman leader Pilat so Jesus told him to bring all his enemies before him so that they could be slain.

He was really a nice peaceful guy.
 
...so Jesus told him to bring all his enemies before him so that they could be slain

aj, the verse you are referring to is the last line of a parable Jesus was telling. It is not Jesus Who asks that His enemies be brought before Him to be slain, it is the man in the parable. Read verse 14: "But his citizens hated him, and sent a delegation after him, saying, 'We will not have this man to reign over us.'" Then verse 27, that you refer to: "'But bring here those enemies of mine, who did not want me to reign over them, and slay them before me.'" I read that thread where you had this discussion, and this was pointed out to you, albeit not too clearly, so I am making the extra effort here.
 
Originally posted by walwor

aj, the verse you are referring to is the last line of a parable Jesus was telling. It is not Jesus Who asks that His enemies be brought before Him to be slain, it is the man in the parable. Read verse 14: "But his citizens hated him, and sent a delegation after him, saying, 'We will not have this man to reign over us.'" Then verse 27, that you refer to: "'But bring here those enemies of mine, who did not want me to reign over them, and slay them before me.'" I read that thread where you had this discussion, and this was pointed out to you, albeit not too clearly, so I am making the extra effort here.

Thanks for the clarification walwor. I have read Luke chapter 19 very carefully and find that you might just be mistaken.

Luke 19

14 But his citizens hated him, and sent a message after him, saying, We will not have this man to reign over us.
15 And it came to pass, that when he was returned, having received the kingdom, then he commanded these servants to be called unto him, to whom he had given the money, that he might know how much every man had gained by trading.
.....................
26 For I say unto you, That unto every one which hath shall be given; and from him that hath not, even that he hath shall be taken away from him.
27 But those mine enemies, which would not that I should reign over them, bring hither, and slay them before me.
28 And when he had thus spoken, he went before, ascending up to Jerusalem.

You are saying that the parable in Luke 19:26-28) [story by example] were actually said by another man in verse 14. Unfortunately a careful reading of this chapter does not bear out your explanation.

If the man who in line verse 14 was talking about Jesus and also the same man in verse 27 being one in the same, then did this man who 'did not want this man to rule over him' be the same man in 26-28 who also ascended up to Jerusalem?

The man in Luke verse 27 is Jesus himself, who during his first coming calmly called for his opponents to be brought before him for summary execution. The context of the verses in Luke 19 are not confused or unclear as to who is actually speaking. It was definitely the peaceful non-violent Jesus who proudly avowed that his mission on earth was to bring discord, disturb universal peace and bring war to the world.

Mathew 10:34-35

34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.

and

Luke 12

49 I am come to send fire on the earth; and what will I, if it be already kindled?
50 But I have a baptism to be baptized with; and how am I straitened till it be accomplished!
51 Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay; but rather division:
52 For from henceforth there shall be five in one house divided, three against two, and two against three.
53 The father shall be divided against the son, and the son against the father; the mother against the daughter, and the daughter against the mother; the mother in law against her daughter in law, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.

If Jesus Christ was truly the submissive servant of the L-rd as depicted in Isaiah, he could not have uttered such violent words and be the Messiah mentioned.

Yes some have tried to obfuscate and twist or contort the context of these NT passages but alas the message in the Gospels is very clear.....
 
Originally posted by ajwps
aj, the verse you are referring to is the last line of a parable Jesus was telling. It is not Jesus Who asks that His enemies be brought before Him to be slain, it is the man in the parable. Read verse 14: "But his citizens hated him, and sent a delegation after him, saying, 'We will not have this man to reign over us.'" Then verse 27, that you refer to: "'But bring here those enemies of mine, who did not want me to reign over them, and slay them before me.'" I read that thread where you had this discussion, and this was pointed out to you, albeit not too clearly, so I am making the extra effort here.

Thanks for the clarification walwor. I have read Luke chapter 19 very carefully and find that you might just be mistaken.



You are saying that the parable in Luke 19:26-28) [story by example] were actually said by another man in verse 14. Unfortunately a careful reading of this chapter does not bear out your explanation.

If the man who in line verse 14 was talking about Jesus and also the same man in verse 27 being one in the same, then did this man who 'did not want this man to rule over him' be the same man in 26-28 who also ascended up to Jerusalem?

The man in Luke verse 27 is Jesus himself, who during his first coming calmly called for his opponents to be brought before him for summary execution. The context of the verses in Luke 19 are not confused or unclear as to who is actually speaking. It was definitely the peaceful non-violent Jesus who proudly avowed that his mission on earth was to bring discord, disturb universal peace and bring war to the world.



and



If Jesus Christ was truly the submissive servant of the L-rd as depicted in Isaiah, he could not have uttered such violent words and be the Messiah mentioned.

Yes some have tried to obfuscate and twist or contort the context of these NT passages but alas the message in the Gospels is very clear.....
Wrong again.

Here is the context:
Luke chapter 19
King James Version
1 And Jesus entered and passed through Jericho.
2 And, behold, there was a man named Zacchaeus, which was the chief among the publicans, and he was rich.
3 And he sought to see Jesus who he was; and could not for the press, because he was little of stature.
4 And he ran before, and climbed up into a sycomore tree to see him: for he was to pass that way.
5 And when Jesus came to the place, he looked up, and saw him, and said unto him, Zacchaeus, make haste, and come down; for to day I must abide at thy house.
6 And he made haste, and came down, and received him joyfully.
7 And when they saw it, they all murmured, saying, That he was gone to be guest with a man that is a sinner.
8 And Zacchaeus stood, and said unto the Lord; Behold, Lord, the half of my goods I give to the poor; and if I have taken any thing from any man by false accusation, I restore him fourfold.
9 And Jesus said unto him, This day is salvation come to this house, forsomuch as he also is a son of Abraham.
10 For the Son of man is come to seek and to save that which was lost.
11 And as they heard these things, he added and spake a parable, because he was nigh to Jerusalem, and because they thought that the kingdom of God should immediately appear.
12 He said therefore, A certain nobleman went into a far country to receive for himself a kingdom, and to return.
13 And he called his ten servants, and delivered them ten pounds, and said unto them, Occupy till I come.
14 But his citizens hated him, and sent a message after him, saying, We will not have this man to reign over us.
15 And it came to pass, that when he was returned, having received the kingdom, then he commanded these servants to be called unto him, to whom he had given the money, that he might know how much every man had gained by trading.
16 Then came the first, saying, Lord, thy pound hath gained ten pounds.
17 And he said unto him, Well, thou good servant: because thou hast been faithful in a very little, have thou authority over ten cities.
18 And the second came, saying, Lord, thy pound hath gained five pounds.
19 And he said likewise to him, Be thou also over five cities.
20 And another came, saying, Lord, behold, here is thy pound, which I have kept laid up in a napkin:
21 For I feared thee, because thou art an austere man: thou takest up that thou layedst not down, and reapest that thou didst not sow.
22 And he saith unto him, Out of thine own mouth will I judge thee, thou wicked servant. Thou knewest that I was an austere man, taking up that I laid not down, and reaping that I did not sow:
23 Wherefore then gavest not thou my money into the bank, that at my coming I might have required mine own with usury?
24 And he said unto them that stood by, Take from him the pound, and give it to him that hath ten pounds.
25 (And they said unto him, Lord, he hath ten pounds.)
26 For I say unto you, That unto every one which hath shall be given; and from him that hath not, even that he hath shall be taken away from him.
27 But those mine enemies, which would not that I should reign over them, bring hither, and slay them before me.
28 And when he had thus spoken, he went before, ascending up to Jerusalem.
29 And it came to pass, when he was come nigh to Bethphage and Bethany, at the mount called the mount of Olives, he sent two of his disciples,
30 Saying, Go ye into the village over against you; in the which at your entering ye shall find a colt tied, whereon yet never man sat: loose him, and bring him hither.
31 And if any man ask you, Why do ye loose him? thus shall ye say unto him, Because the Lord hath need of him.
32 And they that were sent went their way, and found even as he had said unto them.
33 And as they were loosing the colt, the owners thereof said unto them, Why loose ye the colt?
34 And they said, The Lord hath need of him.
35 And they brought him to Jesus: and they cast their garments upon the colt, and they set Jesus thereon.
36 And as he went, they spread their clothes in the way.
37 And when he was come nigh, even now at the descent of the mount of Olives, the whole multitude of the disciples began to rejoice and praise God with a loud voice for all the mighty works that they had seen;
38 Saying, Blessed be the King that cometh in the name of the Lord: peace in heaven, and glory in the highest.
39 And some of the Pharisees from among the multitude said unto him, Master, rebuke thy disciples.
40 And he answered and said unto them, I tell you that, if these should hold their peace, the stones would immediately cry out.
41 And when he was come near, he beheld the city, and wept over it,
42 Saying, If thou hadst known, even thou, at least in this thy day, the things which belong unto thy peace! but now they are hid from thine eyes.
43 For the days shall come upon thee, that thine enemies shall cast a trench about thee, and compass thee round, and keep thee in on every side,
44 And shall lay thee even with the ground, and thy children within thee; and they shall not leave in thee one stone upon another; because thou knewest not the time of thy visitation.
45 And he went into the temple, and began to cast out them that sold therein, and them that bought;
46 Saying unto them, It is written, My house is the house of prayer: but ye have made it a den of thieves.
47 And he taught daily in the temple. But the chief priests and the scribes and the chief of the people sought to destroy him,
48 And could not find what they might do: for all the people were very attentive to hear him.

The lesson you are supposed to be learning:

1 Jesus is going away for some time, but when he returns he will come as absolute King.

2 He has given "money" to us to see which are the best managers who will bring the greatest increase -- and to find out which of us are faithful to him.

3 He will reward his servants according to what they have accomplished.

4 He will punish his enemies. There is no room for rebellious subjects in Christ's Kingdom.

5 Those who have something when he comes will receive abundantly more. But if we have nothing when he returns, he will give us no more.


And as I said to you before, the word translated "kill" is Greek katasphazo, "slaughter, strike down." The listeners recalled how King Archelaus slaughtered his enemies, and recognized how the parable was true to life.
 
You are saying that the parable in Luke 19:26-28) [story by example] were actually said by another man in verse 14. Unfortunately a careful reading of this chapter does not bear out your explanation.

If the man who in line verse 14 was talking about Jesus and also the same man in verse 27 being one in the same, then did this man who 'did not want this man to rule over him' be the same man in 26-28 who also ascended up to Jerusalem?

I apologize if I have been unclear. I am not saying that someone else is speaking in Luke 19 verse 14. Jesus is speaking the entire time, from verse 12 through 27, and all of those verses are the text of the parable. In verse 14, Jesus says of the nobleman that he was hated by his citizens, who say "We will not have this man to reign over us." He gives the minas to his servants, and the ones who have profited, he rewards. The one who hoarded the mina, he takes even that one mina away. In verse 24, he says to take the one mina from that servant and give it to the one who has 10. Verse 25- But they said to him, "Master, he has ten minas." Verse 26- the nobleman replies that to everyone who has will be given, and from him who does not have, even what he has will be taken away. Verse 27- the nobleman still talking: "But bring here those enemies of mine, who did not want me to reign over them, and slay them before me." Those enemies were referred to in verse 14. In verse 28, Jesus is no longer speaking, it says "When He had said this, He went on ahead, going up to Jerusalem."

I am not discussing the meaning of the parable here, we must first clarify who is speaking and what is being spoken of. Your reading of this as Jesus saying to His disciples, "Bring here those enemies of mine and slay them" is not correct. I don't mind debating this with you, and I know you don't believe in Jesus and I'm not trying to trick you into admitting you do or something like that, but we have to at least agree on the text. It is up to you to continue the debate, and I won't force you to or start a flame war with you, but the debate needs to be in good faith, and you need to see the proper context of this verse that you are using to criticize Jesus. If you can criticize Jesus legitimately, then do so, but don't twist a verse in order to do so, that would not please G-d as you see Him or as I see Him.
 

Forum List

Back
Top