- Sep 22, 2013
- 4,956
- 250
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Cannibalism is such a bizarre 'subject' and I had to write a fake-news oriented camp-yarn, and it's inspired by Ravenous (a neo-adventure film directed by Antonia Bird).
Signing off,
====
A young man named Al went camping in Colorado with his beloved wolf-dog Nero. Al was a senior year college student who took the camping trip during spring-break. He was enjoying the sunset one day while his automatic camera took pictures. Nero turned around to look at the camera while it flashed, and the photo caught the moment. Just then, Nero started barking loudly, for when he turned his head to look behind him and Al to stare at the camera, Nero noticed a very strange man in a black coat and hat approaching their campsite. The man walked up to Al and Nero's see-through tent and introduced himself as Jeremy.
AL: It's a nice day to be camping, eh?
JEREMY: Yes, I noticed your handsome dog and nifty campsite.
AL: You like our tent, do ya?
JEREMY: Sure! So I'm Jeremy...and you are...?
AL: I'm Al; this is my dog Nero; pleasure to make your acquaintance.
JEREMY: Al, I have a dark secret my good friend.
AL: Well, I'm glad you think I'm your 'friend' so what's your 'dark' secret?
JEREMY: I'm a cannibal...
AL: What? Hehe. Are you making light of this Colorado sunset, Jeremy?
JEREMY: No. Absolutely not. I'm not being deceptive or humorous...
AL: Hey, look; I'm a big fan of comic books (e.g., Marvel's X-Men) but you sound nutty!
JEREMY: You don't believe me?
AL: Um, you want me to believe you...uh, why should I do that? You sound eerie, man...
JEREMY: {pulls out a human heart from his jacket-pocket; Nero barks} You see, Al?
AL: Yes! I can see plainly. You have a human heart, and it looks bloody fresh!
JEREMY: Yes, well I just killed a camper and tore out his heart before eating his legs.
AL: What? What, did you like cook his legs for dinner or something, man?
JEREMY: Don't call me 'man.' My name is Jeremy. I cooked his legs (I'm not savage).
AL: Oh, well, excuse me for calling an apparent murderer a 'savage.' What do you want?
JEREMY: I want you to join me...
AL: Join you? Like what? You want me to help you murder more campers or something?
JEREMY: Why not? You look 'bold' enough for the task. We'll build a special 'mission.'
AL: A mission from hell...Jeremy, you need help; I advise we go to the police, 'friend.'
JEREMY: Don't knock cannibalism; it's an under-appreciated religion.
AL: Religion? You're either a psycho or a Colorado mutant. I'm not a cannibal, man...
JEREMY: Well, I am; I thought you'd be to (given your youthful fervor for hermetic camping).
AL: Look, I'm here with my best-friend, my dog Nero; we'd like you to 'depart,' Jeremy!
JEREMY: I think you're frowning on the whole cannibalism challenge, since you're timid.
AL: Timid? Yeah! I don't feel the hunger-pains when I see a human camper...
JEREMY: Yet, you eat animal meats (e.g., steaks) in 'civilization' while befriending a dog.
AL: Well; I'm not Socrates, and I'm sure the human race is full of hypocrisy, but this is insane.
JEREMY: Just think of it, Jeremy --- we'll be true adventurers in the 'great wide open.'
AL: Jeremy, I think you've internalized 'philosophy' so much it's made you a beast.
JEREMY: The nature of the beast...is to embrace danger.
AL: I think that's the advice of a criminally-insane individual; you need help; please depart.
JEREMY: Alright, Al, I'll leave you and your dog; but remember...cannibals do it better.
AL: Do what better?
JEREMY: Cannibals...fantasize better.
AL: Well, thanks for the proverbs; I'm sure you're a cool comedian. I bid thee farewell!
JEREMY: Farewell...
Al and Nero watched Jeremy as he walked away, and Al grabbed his mobile phone and asked that the forest ranger service have some personnel come by their campsite to rescue them, since Al believed he just encountered a murderer (with a bloody human heart in his jacket-pocket!) claiming to be some kind of cannibal (going so far as to 'invite' Al to join him on his special 'mission'). Al wondered if Jeremy really was some kind of 'practicing cannibal' or just some plain Colorado psychopath with delusions of 'comic book grandeur.' Al and Nero were picked up by the forest rangers and they returned to Al's campus dorm that night. Al decided to write a journal entry that night.
"After this bizarre encounter with Jeremy, I had to think seriously about the dangers of modern man even while camping in nature! Nero and I were shocked to encounter such a strange man, and we hoped the forest rangers apprehended Jeremy, who was obviously at least a psycho. Why did he have a bloody human heart in his jacket-pocket? Why did he think I'd want to 'join' his cannibal mission? Was he really a cannibal? After conversing with Jeremy, it occurred to me that half of the political 'noise' we hear on the news isn't really species-weighty news. Jeremy must have been an 'alien encounter' (and I just might write a book about him someday). Nero and I will pray for the sanity of mankind..."
====
Signing off,
====
A young man named Al went camping in Colorado with his beloved wolf-dog Nero. Al was a senior year college student who took the camping trip during spring-break. He was enjoying the sunset one day while his automatic camera took pictures. Nero turned around to look at the camera while it flashed, and the photo caught the moment. Just then, Nero started barking loudly, for when he turned his head to look behind him and Al to stare at the camera, Nero noticed a very strange man in a black coat and hat approaching their campsite. The man walked up to Al and Nero's see-through tent and introduced himself as Jeremy.
AL: It's a nice day to be camping, eh?
JEREMY: Yes, I noticed your handsome dog and nifty campsite.
AL: You like our tent, do ya?
JEREMY: Sure! So I'm Jeremy...and you are...?
AL: I'm Al; this is my dog Nero; pleasure to make your acquaintance.
JEREMY: Al, I have a dark secret my good friend.
AL: Well, I'm glad you think I'm your 'friend' so what's your 'dark' secret?
JEREMY: I'm a cannibal...
AL: What? Hehe. Are you making light of this Colorado sunset, Jeremy?
JEREMY: No. Absolutely not. I'm not being deceptive or humorous...
AL: Hey, look; I'm a big fan of comic books (e.g., Marvel's X-Men) but you sound nutty!
JEREMY: You don't believe me?
AL: Um, you want me to believe you...uh, why should I do that? You sound eerie, man...
JEREMY: {pulls out a human heart from his jacket-pocket; Nero barks} You see, Al?
AL: Yes! I can see plainly. You have a human heart, and it looks bloody fresh!
JEREMY: Yes, well I just killed a camper and tore out his heart before eating his legs.
AL: What? What, did you like cook his legs for dinner or something, man?
JEREMY: Don't call me 'man.' My name is Jeremy. I cooked his legs (I'm not savage).
AL: Oh, well, excuse me for calling an apparent murderer a 'savage.' What do you want?
JEREMY: I want you to join me...
AL: Join you? Like what? You want me to help you murder more campers or something?
JEREMY: Why not? You look 'bold' enough for the task. We'll build a special 'mission.'
AL: A mission from hell...Jeremy, you need help; I advise we go to the police, 'friend.'
JEREMY: Don't knock cannibalism; it's an under-appreciated religion.
AL: Religion? You're either a psycho or a Colorado mutant. I'm not a cannibal, man...
JEREMY: Well, I am; I thought you'd be to (given your youthful fervor for hermetic camping).
AL: Look, I'm here with my best-friend, my dog Nero; we'd like you to 'depart,' Jeremy!
JEREMY: I think you're frowning on the whole cannibalism challenge, since you're timid.
AL: Timid? Yeah! I don't feel the hunger-pains when I see a human camper...
JEREMY: Yet, you eat animal meats (e.g., steaks) in 'civilization' while befriending a dog.
AL: Well; I'm not Socrates, and I'm sure the human race is full of hypocrisy, but this is insane.
JEREMY: Just think of it, Jeremy --- we'll be true adventurers in the 'great wide open.'
AL: Jeremy, I think you've internalized 'philosophy' so much it's made you a beast.
JEREMY: The nature of the beast...is to embrace danger.
AL: I think that's the advice of a criminally-insane individual; you need help; please depart.
JEREMY: Alright, Al, I'll leave you and your dog; but remember...cannibals do it better.
AL: Do what better?
JEREMY: Cannibals...fantasize better.
AL: Well, thanks for the proverbs; I'm sure you're a cool comedian. I bid thee farewell!
JEREMY: Farewell...
Al and Nero watched Jeremy as he walked away, and Al grabbed his mobile phone and asked that the forest ranger service have some personnel come by their campsite to rescue them, since Al believed he just encountered a murderer (with a bloody human heart in his jacket-pocket!) claiming to be some kind of cannibal (going so far as to 'invite' Al to join him on his special 'mission'). Al wondered if Jeremy really was some kind of 'practicing cannibal' or just some plain Colorado psychopath with delusions of 'comic book grandeur.' Al and Nero were picked up by the forest rangers and they returned to Al's campus dorm that night. Al decided to write a journal entry that night.
"After this bizarre encounter with Jeremy, I had to think seriously about the dangers of modern man even while camping in nature! Nero and I were shocked to encounter such a strange man, and we hoped the forest rangers apprehended Jeremy, who was obviously at least a psycho. Why did he have a bloody human heart in his jacket-pocket? Why did he think I'd want to 'join' his cannibal mission? Was he really a cannibal? After conversing with Jeremy, it occurred to me that half of the political 'noise' we hear on the news isn't really species-weighty news. Jeremy must have been an 'alien encounter' (and I just might write a book about him someday). Nero and I will pray for the sanity of mankind..."
====
