~Doctor Doctor~

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Dabs, Aug 12, 2011.

  1. Dabs
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    Dabs ~Unpredictable~

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    DOCTORS NOTES ON PATIENTS' CHARTS: (ACTUAL NOTES UNEDITED!)

    - Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

    - On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.

    - She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

    - The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.

    - The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

    - Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

    - Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

    - The patient refused an autopsy.

    - The patient has no past history of suicides.

    - Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

    - Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

    - Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

    - She is numb from her toes down.

    - While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

    - The skin was moist and dry.

    - Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

    - Patient was alert and unresponsive.

    - I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.

    - Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

    - Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

    - The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

    - The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

    - Skin: Somewhat pale but present.

    - The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.

    - Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. X, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

    - Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

    - Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

    - Patient appears responsive, but unable to communicate with me.

    - Bladder is under control, but cannot stop urine from seeping.

    - Heart problem is fixed. Patient died at 10:07 this morning.

    - Complains of chest pain occasionally. Otherwise just a pain.

    - Patient is always telling me about her pains and problems. This remains a significant pain to me.

    - The blood workup showed no antibodies present. Need the rest of the blood to be sure, however.

    - If it weren't for the fact that the patient is dead, I would say he was in perfect health.

    - Testicles are missing on this woman.
     
  2. Big Black Dog
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    Big Black Dog Gold Member Supporting Member

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    Take two ass burns and call me in the morning.
     
  3. Dabs
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    Dabs ~Unpredictable~

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    I need your damn number first DAWG :razz:
     

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