Rikurzhen
Gold Member
- Jul 24, 2014
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What does it take to change culture? The young are notorious for wanting to make their own mistakes but there was a time when older women did exert influence on younger women. What are the dynamics which loosened that system?
Read the rest of the article at the link.
Steve has been with me for the past 50 years and Ron for 47. Neither is the man I am married to, nor have I seen or spoken to either since our love affairs ended in my 20s.
All the same, there is no denying they have both messed with my marriage to Olly, the man who has been by my side for the past 40 years.
I found myself thinking about them both as I read recent research that suggested women who played the field before marriage are unhappier with their lot than those who entered matrimony virginal.
My first reaction was: why on earth would that be? I have always believed a bit of experience, in both love and sex, to be an asset to understanding what we really want when selecting a partner for life.
Having no history to draw on — settling down with no idea what else the world has to offer — seems a recipe for disaster, not satisfaction.
And yet there is no denying that my past lovers have made their presence felt in my marriage — at times, even making me question my commitment.
Olly and I have, along with a lot of fun, weathered many disagreements, and even contemplated separation after a mid-life hiccup saw all passion wilt.
Although we’re still together, would Olly and I have been happier, our journey to this point easier, had he been my one and only?
Not that I had notched up a great many scalps on my bedpost before we met when I was 29 — but there were a few, and, most significantly, Steve and Ron were both serious contenders for my heart.
Although my relationships with the two ended very differently — I left Steve in London for a job in Manchester when I was 24, with great pain; Ron found fidelity too hard and broke my heart by ending our 18-month affair abruptly — they both left me with an undeniably tantalising sense of ‘what if’.
Neither maintained any physical presence in my life, but memories of how good things had been with them at our best always lived at the back of my mind, like old love letters or black-and-white photographs gathered at the bottom of a box.
All the same, there is no denying they have both messed with my marriage to Olly, the man who has been by my side for the past 40 years.
I found myself thinking about them both as I read recent research that suggested women who played the field before marriage are unhappier with their lot than those who entered matrimony virginal.
My first reaction was: why on earth would that be? I have always believed a bit of experience, in both love and sex, to be an asset to understanding what we really want when selecting a partner for life.
Having no history to draw on — settling down with no idea what else the world has to offer — seems a recipe for disaster, not satisfaction.
And yet there is no denying that my past lovers have made their presence felt in my marriage — at times, even making me question my commitment.
Olly and I have, along with a lot of fun, weathered many disagreements, and even contemplated separation after a mid-life hiccup saw all passion wilt.
Although we’re still together, would Olly and I have been happier, our journey to this point easier, had he been my one and only?
Not that I had notched up a great many scalps on my bedpost before we met when I was 29 — but there were a few, and, most significantly, Steve and Ron were both serious contenders for my heart.
Although my relationships with the two ended very differently — I left Steve in London for a job in Manchester when I was 24, with great pain; Ron found fidelity too hard and broke my heart by ending our 18-month affair abruptly — they both left me with an undeniably tantalising sense of ‘what if’.
Neither maintained any physical presence in my life, but memories of how good things had been with them at our best always lived at the back of my mind, like old love letters or black-and-white photographs gathered at the bottom of a box.
Read the rest of the article at the link.
