http://www.local6.com/family/4198942/detail.html Teens Open Up About Sex And How Far They've Gone Girl Says Oral Sex Is Expected UPDATED: 9:28 am EST February 15, 2005 CLEVELAND -- The secret sex lives of your children -- do you really know what they're doing? Cleveland television station WEWS shared a rare insight into what your teenagers may or may not be doing. The station gathered a group of teens and agreed not to identify them so they wouldn't be afraid to talk about what really goes on in their world. One boy, identified only as Lee, is no longer a virgin. "I was 13 ½ when I lost my virginity. I was in the eighth grade," Lee said. The station wondered how many kids in the group had already had sex. Two teens admitted having sex. All the kids admitted having had oral sex. A girl identified as Vanessa was 16 years old when she first performed oral sex. She said it's just what people her age do. "It's like almost expected to do it. Most people I know, if you have boyfriend or girlfriend, then you know that they're having oral sex," Vanessa said. The station heard it again and again: It's no big deal. "It's like almost nothing. It's like making out," one teen said. Dr. Sylvia Rimm, a nationally renowned expert on children, is not surprised. Rimm interviewed thousands of middle schoolers about sex for her latest book, called "Growing Up Too Fast." "It used to be young adults in their 20s we were worried about, then it was at 17 and 18. Now we're worrying about 13- to 14-year-olds," Rimm said. She said times are changing. Every day after school, millions of kids across the country settle in to watch the most popular teen programming in the country -- MTV. The station said it's not only TV and movies, but music and magazines, too. "If they're desensitized to sex, they'll have it early and casually," Rimm said. Teens in the station's group said they've become almost numb to the images. This is where parents can step in. "The most important message to give to parents is don't despair. It may feel impossible but it is not," Rimm said. Parents like Dr. Jerry Moyal, father of three boys, and Barb Baitt, mother of a 14-year-old son and 8-year-old daughter, say boundaries need to be set. "We don't watch a lot of TV programs, and I know it's not really something I want you to see," Baitt said. "When they trivialize oral sex and equate it to being a kiss, you as an adult have to say, 'Excuse me, it's not the same thing,'" Moyal said. For some kids, the message rings true. "Some kids think that everyone is doing it, they might as well do it. When they hear not everyone is doing it, it'll be more easier for them," Matt said. These teens are part of Operation Keepsake, a group that goes to schools to spread the message of abstinence. Mary Anne Mosack runs Operation Keepsake. "The biggest message that we give is, 'Not everyone is doing it, and not everyone has to do it,'" Mosack said. "I know parents are promoting abstinence and their kids are having sex. I know that happens," Rimm said. But if a parent really wants to know if their kids are having sex, experts say just ask, but make sure you ask about everything. The parents of the teens in the story talked to them about sex, but never brought up oral sex. "Well, they could talk to you alone about sex and oral sex. That would probably help," one teen said. Rimm said studies show that talk about abstinence is simply not enough. Parents need to have a frank talk with teens about how to protect themselves. Planned Parenthood of Greater Cleveland said along with abstinence, teens need to be told about condoms and birth control.