Chauvenist jokes

Discussion in 'Humor' started by dilloduck, Mar 8, 2006.

  1. dilloduck
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    dilloduck Diamond Member

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    How many men does it take to open a beer?
    None. It should be opened when she brings it.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
    Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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    Why do women have smaller feet than men?
    It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
    them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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    How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
    When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
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    How do you fix a woman's watch?
    You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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    Why do men fart more than women?
    Because women can't shut up long enough to
    build up the required pressure.
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    If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
    The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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    What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
    A woman who won't do what she's told.
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    I married a Miss Right.
    I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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    Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
    a woman's sex drive by 90%.
    It's called a Wedding Cake.
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    Why do men die before their wives?
    They want to.
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    Women will never be equal to men until they can
    walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
    gut, and still think they are sexy.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and
    to the select few women who can handle the truth !
     
  2. Nienna
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    Nienna Senior Member

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    Okay, dillo? You trying to start something? Or I guess I should ask if you're trying to FINISH something.

    I thought these were funny. :D
     
  3. Joz
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    Joz Senior Member

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    What do men and pantyhose have in common?
    They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch!
    ******************************************
    Do you know why men have holes in the end of their penises?
    So oxygen can get into their brains
    ****************************************************
    What does a man consider a seven course meal?
    A hot dog and a six pack.
    **********************************************
    Do you know why bankers are good lovers?
    They know first hand the penalty for early withdrawal.
    *******************************************
    Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?
    To knock the penises off the smart ones.
    **********************************************
    Why is a woman different from a PC?
    A woman won't accept a 3½" floppy
    ********************************************
    Why do men want to vote for a female President?
    Because we'd only have to pay her half as much.
    ********************************************
    Why don't men like to drink coffee at work?
    It keeps them awake.
     
  4. dilloduck
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    dilloduck Diamond Member

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    Glad to see it goes both ways ! :tng:
     
  5. Joz
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    Joz Senior Member

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    How do you know when a man is lying?



    His lips are moving.
     
  6. Said1
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    Said1 VIP Member

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    :laugh: Choked on my cig!
     
  7. dilloduck
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    dilloduck Diamond Member

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    Oh goody--let the gender wars begin ! :2guns:
     
  8. deaddude
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    deaddude Senior Member

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    What does a battered woman do after she gets out of the shelter?
    The dishes if she knows whats good for her.

    How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    All of them. 1 to get the bulb 1 to screw it in and the rest to protest the violation of the socket.

    How many lebians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    3. 1 to get the bulb 1 to screw it in and one wee little lesbian to suck my fucking cock.

    Why do women never climb moutains?
    No mountains between the kitchen and the bedroom.

    What do you know about a woman with two black eyes?
    She just wouldn't listen.

    What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
    Nothing you already told her twice.
     
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  9. Nienna
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    Nienna Senior Member

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    Your insecurity is showing!

    :tng:
    J/K
     
  10. GotZoom
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    GotZoom Senior Member

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    [​IMG]
     

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