BREAKING NEWS:Reid's Ass kicked by Mitch McConnell

[deepthunk]

BREAKING NEWS: Reid's Ass kicked by Mitch McConnell.

FILE - In this Nov. 18, 2014 file photo, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev. speaks during a news conference on Capitol Hill in Washington.

WASHINGTON (AP) — Senate Democratic leader Harry Reid broke several ribs and facial bones when Republican Mitch McConnell of Kentucky reportedly kicked his ass "liberally and thoroughly" according to one source, at Reid's Nevada home Thursday. Embarrassed, Reid reportedly made a lame excuse about a piece of exercise equipment snapping, causing the lawmaker to fall.

Reid, majority leader since 2007, will hand over the top job in the Senate next week to Republican Mitch McConnell of Kentucky after Democrats lost their majority in November's midterm elections and a free-for-all cage match with republicans the same week.

Of late, Reid has been no stranger to defeat. In May 2011, Reid dislocated a shoulder and suffered a contusion above his left eye when he pissed off Republican John Boehner, injuries which Reid shamefully attributed to slipping after an early morning run in the rain, thinly claiming he fell when he leaned against a parked car.

In October 2012, Reid also suffered rib and hip contusions in an internal party squabble during which he reportedly called Hillary Clinton an "F**king Dyke". Reid's office reportedly staged a chain-reaction car crash on that occasion.

Reid has run marathons and was a boxer as a young man, but as Paul Ryan recently put it, "The old guys past his prime, he's really turning into a punching bag out there".

 

[deepthunk]

Follow-up: Obama calls to comfort injured Harry Reid, vows to “return the favor” to Mitch McConnell.

File: The trio may be hard pressed to counter Clintons down and dirty street fighting along with Obama’s “Gundam style” kung-fu.

(CNN) -- Sen. Harry Reid, 75, is recovering at home after he broke "a number of ribs and bones in his face" in a bare-fisted brawl with Republican Mitch McConnell which he attributed to an accident when he was exercising, his office said Friday in a statement.

His doctors expect a full recovery, and he's set to return to Washington over the weekend before the Senate reconvenes for the title free-for-all match next week.

President Barack Obama called Reid on Friday, White House spokesman Eric Schultz told reporters, "to wish him a full and speedy recovery, and assure him that Hillary Clinton would put their differences aside in order deal some payback for the ass-kicking."

Sen. Jeff Flake, R-Arizona, assured reporters on Friday afternoon that he and Boehner “Have Mitch McConnell’s back,” and “Will be happy to show Obama and that lesbo who’s king of capitol hill.”

Reid's office later announced Friday that Reid had been discharged from the hospital.

"He spent the day with his wife, Landra, talking to fellow senators, friends, his personal trainer and his corner man," Reid's Deputy Communications Director said in an emailed statement Friday. "He wants to be ready to open a can of whoop-ass on McConnell and his pals.”

Sen. Jeff Flake, R-Arizona, was quick to make a joke and assure everyone he, Boehner, and McConnell could handle s**t, but the trio may be hard pressed to counter Clintons down and dirty street fighting along with Obama’s “Gundam style” kung-fu.

 

[Mr. H.]

 

[rightwinger]

Ass kicked by a turtle?

 

[Carib Gyal]

McConnell walked up to Reid and slowly raised his fist. "I'm gonna punch your lights out, Grandma!" he mooed. Reid squealed like a girl and tried to duck as McConnell swung, first breaking Reid's cheekbone and eye socket with a single bitch slap. Then, with a soft-fisted punch, McConnell broke several of Reid's ribs. Doubling over in pain, Reid cried, "I'm an old woman," and keeled over, breaking a hip as he struck the floor.