Just what a town full of rich yuppie scumbags needs is a yearly event that attracts rich yuppie scumbags from all over the country. One of the golfer's cars got shot the other day. That made me laugh. The funny thing is, most of Augusta, where the Masters actually is, is really ghetto. That's why everyone stays in Aiken. But, seriously, if I get one more crotchety old man talking down to me because he's from Connecticut and I'm just some dumb yokel from South Carolina, Dan's gonna have to choke a bitch.