A Petition to Stop Divorce?

Clearly, someone with more objectivity than you. And may I point out that if you don't want people making observations and comments on your personal life, you shouldn't be spewing it out on a public message board for everyone to pick through?

So, since you DID upend your purse on the table for everyone to see, metaphorically speaking, let's catalog what we have here.

Your parents were, by your own admission, emotional adolescents who refused to exercise self-restraint in their relationship and invited their children into it by shrieking at each other like fishwives, and then dealt the final blow to the family they had already sacrificed to their own selfishness by wandering off in opposite directions.

Subsequently, you grew up, married a "Nazi" who exhibited the exact same pathology as your parents, and repeated the cycle that had been modeled for you.

On the other hand, my parents were married to each other for over forty years. I sincerely doubt it was any grand, passionate thing, but they were always polite and respectful in front of us. I never heard either of them say a derogatory word about the other. I'm sure they had problems, because I saw them go into the bedroom to have discussions about them, but I never had any idea what those problems were, and I never cared, because I was secure in the knowledge that my parents were handling it.

I grew up and married a man whose parents also taught him to discuss problems quietly and in private, and to always present a united front to the rest of the world, and we continue that model for our children. I note in passing that since marrying him, I have also learned to deal with other people with much more patience and diplomacy (message boards notwithstanding).

Tell me again how wrong I am that my method is better.

take your psychology and shove it far up your ass.
 
Oh, yes, maybe it's better to stay longer than 12 years with a man who starts out all sweet and kind and then turns into a controlling jealous insane man who calls you fat, ugly, stupid, locks you in the house, comes after you and pulls you back in by the hair when you try to go out and smothers you with pillows and twist your arm behind your back while covering your mouth and nose with his other hand on a daily basis. Yeah, maybe I should have TRIED HARDER to have a RELATIONSHIP with this insane man!

I guess I WANDERED AWAY from my responsibilities when I finally got up the "balls" to take my three daughters and LEAVE. Don't tell me I didn't go to church every Sunday and pray to God to make it through another week. 12 years. 12 freaking years is TRYING enough.

So dont' go around judging other people and their marriages. Maybe some don't try but maybe other's finally get enough strength to realize that this is UNHEALTHY for you and your kids and you better stop trying.

You have some fucking nerve with your "Find self fulfillment". How about SELF PRESERVATION!

I try to make light of life and find humor in everything and laugh and have fun...but it's judgemental people like you that PISS ME OFF

No, what pisses you off is that deep down, you think you screwed up and bear some of the blame for the mess your life became, and you cling desperately to the facade that you were an innocent, helpless victim, so having the ugly truth pointed out to you makes you snotty and defensive and see everything as a personal attack.

I started out saying that divorces should be harder to get, so that people make wiser decisions in their choice of partner, but that it couldn't be outlawed completely, because even the Bible recognizes that it's sometimes necessary. This is not a judgemental statement, nor is it any sort of attack on you. This was not me saying, "You stupid bitch, you should have had to stay with your abusive husband, you destroyed your children's lives by getting a divorce, you're a bad mother!" But you took it that way, got your panties all wadded up your crack, and sallied forth to do battle.

And you know what? You asked to have us judge your life when you turned this into your own little group-therapy session and vomited out life details that no one asked for or wanted. The only problem is, you wanted us to judge you as innocent and blameless, and now you're torqued off that I refuse to play along and give you sympathy.

You picked him, sweetie. Unless he sustained a head injury at some point or was diagnosed with severe schizophrenia, he was the person he became all along, and you just didn't see it. Or maybe you didn't think anything was wrong with it, given the behavior your parents taught you was acceptable.

I'm not saying you shouldn't have divorced him. I'm saying if you had gone into marriage knowing it was much harder to get out of than it currently is, maybe you wouldn't have chosen someone you would subsequently NEED to divorce. And absolutely none of your defensive vitriol does anything but reinforce that opinion.
 
heh I didn't have kids in my 1st marriage, the petition is from a gay & lesbian group who were mad about Proposition 8.

Which explains why they would put forth such a ridiculous concept. They never have understood what marriage is or what it should be.
 
Yeah my 1st husband was very sweet at first and I stayed a long time too, even when he bashed my head into the wall, kick me, punch me, strangle me spit on me, etc etc.....I was only 16 and pretty naive.

What in the name of God were you doing getting married at 16?
 
Which explains why they would put forth such a ridiculous concept. They never have understood what marriage is or what it should be.

My guess is, given the way you talk, you've been brainwashed by your own husband, and are completely unable to think for yourself. Thus, the textbook like answers to everything, and the inability to see anything other than black and white.

You're likely even more miserable than you're coming off here, Mrs. Married Cuz I Have To Be...
 
You know..you've really got some fucking nerve.

Who the hell are you to judge people you don't know, and know nothing about?

When you live someone elses life, THEN you can open your face.

I'm not stupid enough to live your life, honey. As soon as I didn't make the dumb-assed choices you did, it would stop being your crap life, and start being my much happier and better-organized life.

Who the hell am I to judge people I don't know? I'm the complete stranger you're sharing your personal details with on an Internet message board, inviting me to judge you. If you didn't want to hear what I thought about your life, you shouldn't have told me about it. I sure as hell didn't ask.
 
take your psychology and shove it far up your ass.

Thank you for admitting I was right. Now get some frigging therapy so you can stop the peurile, destructive cycle of your family, and stop vomiting your personal garbage to anyone who looks in your direction. I feel like I need a shower.
 
I'm not stupid enough to live your life, honey. As soon as I didn't make the dumb-assed choices you did, it would stop being your crap life, and start being my much happier and better-organized life.

Who the hell am I to judge people I don't know? I'm the complete stranger you're sharing your personal details with on an Internet message board, inviting me to judge you. If you didn't want to hear what I thought about your life, you shouldn't have told me about it. I sure as hell didn't ask.

Scuse me? I haven't told you shit about my life, other than MY parents got divorced, and it was the best thing they ever did.

So whatever portion of my life you think you're not stupid enough to live, methinks you'd be lucky to have it, given the level of bitterness, and forced circumstances in your own posts.
 
My guess is, given the way you talk, you've been brainwashed by your own husband, and are completely unable to think for yourself. Thus, the textbook like answers to everything, and the inability to see anything other than black and white.

You're likely even more miserable than you're coming off here, Mrs. Married Cuz I Have To Be...

:rofl:

God, are YOU flailing around, desperately trying to find a button to push. :lol:

Says a lot about you that you think anyone who has a happy, working marriage is "brainwashed", though.

I'm not married because I have to be, Brain Trust. I'm married because I chose to be, and continue to choose to be every day.
 
:rofl:

God, are YOU flailing around, desperately trying to find a button to push. :lol:

Says a lot about you that you think anyone who has a happy, working marriage is "brainwashed", though.

I'm not married because I have to be, Brain Trust. I'm married because I chose to be, and continue to choose to be every day.

Uh huh.. That comes across in the way you speak to others.. This must be your only outlet in life, because I'm guessing if you talked that way at home, you'd get knocked on your ass.
 
Scuse me? I haven't told you shit about my life, other than MY parents got divorced, and it was the best thing they ever did.

So whatever portion of my life you think you're not stupid enough to live, methinks you'd be lucky to have it, given the level of bitterness, and forced circumstances in your own posts.

:lol:

Wrong, sweetie pie. You did what all emotionally-damaged people do. You saw a completely generic statement as a personal attack - like I even knew or gave a damn about you to direct it at you - and jumped up in my face to inform me how wrong I was to even HINT that you were anything but a blameless victim in the shitpile that became your life.

You told us about your parents' marriage, and you told us about your marriage - if you can call either of them that - and then you hastened to tell us - and reassure yourself - that your girls turned out okay and weren't damaged by your crap decisions.

And NOW you want to convince yourself that you didn't invite everyone in to examine your life and have opinions, because you didn't get back the opinion you were looking for. Perhaps next time you should save it for someone who gets paid to make you feel good.
 
So - someone says they think that people divorce for the wrong reasons and that as adults you should pull it together and act like grownups - especially for your children.

You respond by putting your own life experiences out on the table - explaining that because your marriage was terrible the first persons argument isn't a good one, isn't valid. In essence, because you feel you were right to get out of your marriage - the other person loses the argument - you give examples of how bad your marriage was to back that up.

Then...when the person you're arguing with comes back to disagree - stating that even though the marriage was bad - s/he still feels that divorce is a childish response when people should act grown up...you attack them, not for their opinion - but for having the audacity to bring up the example YOU gave...because its YOUR life?

Let me be clear - I think that if you were in an abusive relationship you SHOULD get out...and if you did, you deserve respect and admiration for doing so. More that enough women die each year from remaining in these nightmarish situations - bravo to you for having the balls (no pun intended) to leave.

But...if you are going to air your dirty laundry, so to speak, in order to win an argument on a message board...I don't really think you can legitimately turn around then and say "Who are you to judge me?" or "Don't talk about my life like you know about it."

You brought your life into this debate...you could have left it in the realm of hypothetical, but you didn't. While I don't agree with Cecile's assessment of your right to divorce...I do think that if you are going to bring your life into the argument...you have lost the right to tell people not to talk about it, judge it, or use it in debate. You can, of course, tell people to butt out after the fact...but it seems a bit disingenuous to use your heartbreaking story to try to make your point...and then forbid others from using it to make theirs.

I'm sure you'll yell at me for being harsh...so please remember that I agree with you, you should have left your bastard husbands...I just wonder if maybe you shouldn't bring it up on a message board if you aren't ready to have other people tell you they disagree with your choice?
 
:lol:

Wrong, sweetie pie. You did what all emotionally-damaged people do. You saw a completely generic statement as a personal attack - like I even knew or gave a damn about you to direct it at you - and jumped up in my face to inform me how wrong I was to even HINT that you were anything but a blameless victim in the shitpile that became your life.

You told us about your parents' marriage, and you told us about your marriage - if you can call either of them that - and then you hastened to tell us - and reassure yourself - that your girls turned out okay and weren't damaged by your crap decisions.

And NOW you want to convince yourself that you didn't invite everyone in to examine your life and have opinions, because you didn't get back the opinion you were looking for. Perhaps next time you should save it for someone who gets paid to make you feel good.


Dumbass - I never even stated whether I was married. Perhaps you might want to get your shit confined to one bag before you start slinging it?

Oh, and I don't have children either.

I suggest you get your eyes checked. In your frenzy to be heard and acknowledged SOMEWHERE, you're getting your people confused.
 
Every once in awhile a condescending creature enters the room...and everyone is supposed to bow. Then that creature starts telling everyone how they live their life wrong and that they need therapy and people are supposed to take the creature's word for it as if it were gospel....just because they spoke.

If you care to go back and read how arrogant and condescending you are to other's maybe you'll learn that you don't do anything but put people off. That's not helping others it's hindering others.

I simply agreed with Dis on something and you took it upon yourself to tell me how the life I have lived was wrong according to YOU.

Then you come back with a whole menu on how you live your life and marriage and we should all do as you....

I would just like to know how therapy has ever helped you since you seem to have so many flaws starting with the fact that you're obviously suffering from delusions of grandeur!

Get over yourself and maybe one day you might make a friend.
 
Uh huh.. That comes across in the way you speak to others.. This must be your only outlet in life, because I'm guessing if you talked that way at home, you'd get knocked on your ass.

You just don't get it, do you, sweetie pie? If I talked to my family the way I talk to an idiot stranger looking for validation on a message board, I'd be . . . well, I'd be you and your ex, or your parents.

You, on the other hand, spend a lot of time and effort trying to be liked by anonymous pixels on the Internet, and then vent at the real human being living in your house, and then end up divorced. Oh, and you think that normal people "knock" each other "on their asses" over words. Very revealing.

That's my whole point, sweet cheeks. I treat my husband, the REAL human being in my life, like he matters. I treat you, the dumbass stranger who mistook me for her self-esteem counselor, like you don't.

Besides, given all the self-pity I see you wallowing in, it's probably long past time someone gave you a good, firm kick in the ass and told you to quit whining and take responsibility.
 
So - someone says they think that people divorce for the wrong reasons and that as adults you should pull it together and act like grownups - especially for your children.

You respond by putting your own life experiences out on the table - explaining that because your marriage was terrible the first persons argument isn't a good one, isn't valid. In essence, because you feel you were right to get out of your marriage - the other person loses the argument - you give examples of how bad your marriage was to back that up.

Then...when the person you're arguing with comes back to disagree - stating that even though the marriage was bad - s/he still feels that divorce is a childish response when people should act grown up...you attack them, not for their opinion - but for having the audacity to bring up the example YOU gave...because its YOUR life?

Let me be clear - I think that if you were in an abusive relationship you SHOULD get out...and if you did, you deserve respect and admiration for doing so. More that enough women die each year from remaining in these nightmarish situations - bravo to you for having the balls (no pun intended) to leave.

But...if you are going to air your dirty laundry, so to speak, in order to win an argument on a message board...I don't really think you can legitimately turn around then and say "Who are you to judge me?" or "Don't talk about my life like you know about it."

You brought your life into this debate...you could have left it in the realm of hypothetical, but you didn't. While I don't agree with Cecile's assessment of your right to divorce...I do think that if you are going to bring your life into the argument...you have lost the right to tell people not to talk about it, judge it, or use it in debate. You can, of course, tell people to butt out after the fact...but it seems a bit disingenuous to use your heartbreaking story to try to make your point...and then forbid others from using it to make theirs.

I'm sure you'll yell at me for being harsh...so please remember that I agree with you, you should have left your bastard husbands...I just wonder if maybe you shouldn't bring it up on a message board if you aren't ready to have other people tell you they disagree with your choice?

Just one thing. I do think they should have left their abusive husbands. That's why I said that you can't outlaw divorce completely. I just also think they should have been more careful in choosing husbands in the first place, and I think people AREN'T careful about choosing their spouses in part because it's so easy to just get a divorce.
 
You just don't get it, do you, sweetie pie? If I talked to my family the way I talk to an idiot stranger looking for validation on a message board, I'd be . . . well, I'd be you and your ex, or your parents.

You, on the other hand, spend a lot of time and effort trying to be liked by anonymous pixels on the Internet, and then vent at the real human being living in your house, and then end up divorced. Oh, and you think that normal people "knock" each other "on their asses" over words. Very revealing.

That's my whole point, sweet cheeks. I treat my husband, the REAL human being in my life, like he matters. I treat you, the dumbass stranger who mistook me for her self-esteem counselor, like you don't.

Besides, given all the self-pity I see you wallowing in, it's probably long past time someone gave you a good, firm kick in the ass and told you to quit whining and take responsibility.


Try reading before you puke all over the board. You're still getting your people confused, dumbshit.
 
Cecilie Wrote:
Just one thing. I do think they should have left their abusive husbands. That's why I said that you can't outlaw divorce completely. I just also think they should have been more careful in choosing husbands in the first place, and I think people AREN'T careful about choosing their spouses in part because it's so easy to just get a divorce.

You said far more than that - which is why I think you're seeing the responses you've been seeing.

I agree with you that sometimes people get married to the wrong people because they aren't careful. But sometimes, people marry people they think they love - and those people turn out to be abusive shits...

I agree with you that parents have to be role models in marriage - and that a big reason divorce is becoming so common is because we are losing examples of people who make the decision every day to make their marriages work.

But I think it some instances, far fewer than people actually want to admit, but in some instances....divorce is the best and necessary option.

I think there was probably a far nicer way to say what you were trying to say...but, as I said before, I agree with you that if people are going to bring their personal lives to the table...they shouldn't be surprised when their personal lives become the subject of the conversation.
 
Dumbass - I never even stated whether I was married. Perhaps you might want to get your shit confined to one bag before you start slinging it?

Oh, and I don't have children either.

I suggest you get your eyes checked. In your frenzy to be heard and acknowledged SOMEWHERE, you're getting your people confused.

Oh, yes. I'm in a frenzy to be heard and acknowledged. That's why I'M the one who got all nasty and vituperative about "My parents were horrible, and divorce is a good thing, and HOW DARE YOU SAY OTHERWISE!" Oh, wait. I wasn't. I was the one who said that you can't outlaw divorce completely, which you then repeated at the end of the post in which you had kittens over how attacked you felt as though you were saying something deep and profound that I hadn't considered.

Project much, sweetie?

And I just love the "I didn't tell you about my life. I only told you about my crappy childhood. That's not my life."

Of course I don't make much effort to keep straight which one of you is sniveling about what. That's because I didn't ask, and don't care, and would be immensely grateful if you would either stop telling me, or pay me the same rate you're giving your therapist to listen to this crap.
 
Every once in awhile a condescending creature enters the room...and everyone is supposed to bow. Then that creature starts telling everyone how they live their life wrong and that they need therapy and people are supposed to take the creature's word for it as if it were gospel....just because they spoke.

If you care to go back and read how arrogant and condescending you are to other's maybe you'll learn that you don't do anything but put people off. That's not helping others it's hindering others.

I simply agreed with Dis on something and you took it upon yourself to tell me how the life I have lived was wrong according to YOU.

Then you come back with a whole menu on how you live your life and marriage and we should all do as you....

I would just like to know how therapy has ever helped you since you seem to have so many flaws starting with the fact that you're obviously suffering from delusions of grandeur!

Get over yourself and maybe one day you might make a friend.

:rofl:

Yeah, I can't imagine why you have difficulty conducting successful life relationships, what with thinking you're going to make friends via an anonymous message board on the Internet. Even if I WERE stupid enough to think, "I believe I'll try to become lifelong bosom buddies with a total stranger online", I wouldn't have chosen you, because then I'd have to listen to this belly-aching and self-pity all the time. This way, at least I can just ignore you when you become too annoying.

Once again. You laid all this crap out here for everyone to see and pick through. I didn't mysteriously read your mind. You're just pissed off that you expected everyone to say, "Oh, you poor dear. You've suffered so much. You're right, divorce SHOULD be easy so that little angels like you, who've been victimized through no fault of their own, can escape." Now that you instead got told that you and your parents bear some of the responsibility for your lousy life, you're outraged that anyone would DARE to comment on your life.

Really, you are like a textbook of relationship and inappropriate intimacy issues.
 

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