Wow, I guess I shouldn't...

[Kooshdakhaa]

No, I don't.

Pets and people die. Its a relatively common occurance during the course of human history.

The living do not "often" express their grief with suicide. When they do, particularly months afterward, it is abnormal.

Get Help.

Wrong. I looked up "suicidal ideation" on Wolfsister's advice, and look at this statement I found:

The most common situations or life events that might cause suicidal thoughts are grief, sexual abuse, financial problems, remorse, rejection, relationship breakup and unemployment.

Notice the first item on the list? GRIEF? Where I think you're having a problem is that you can't imagine someone still grieving so strong for A DOG when it's approaching five months after her death.

This is the problem with taking advice on a message board: You found a statement that seems to justify your behaviour, and now you want to dispute wether or not it is normal. Additionally, you really aren't seeking help, you are seeking attention: The goal of the OP omission that the gun was holstered; the baiting of individuals who responded to Gracie's thread; finally posting the picture of your pet. There's nothing wrong with this, but I'm sure it will disappoint some who were counting on being heroic.

Good Luck.

<<<unsubscribed>>>

Actually, I did indeed think it was possible I might receive a little help from some of the members on this forum. And I did. There were many good suggestions, both publicly and in PM. Just talking about it helped.

By the way, I found another statement. It said that fleeting thoughts of suicide are actually pretty normal after the death of a loved one. Now, they're talking about someone you really, really, really love, not your Aunt Mary you met when you were 10 and haven't seen in 20 years, get it?

 

[Esmeralda]

Could it be that your grief is about more than just the dog?

I think you might be grieving over other things as well and all those things are overwhelming you.

Get counseling. It can't hurt.

Well, that's kind of right...there have been a lot of changes, and not for the better in my life the last couple of years. However, when I had Greta with me, I could handle all those losses and negative changes. They were minor compared to losing her. Now, without her, just getting through the day is hard.

Counseling costs money. I have insurance, but the deductible is $4000.

I may have no choice, though. Had a bad night tonight. No suicidal thoughts...worse than that. Panic and anxiety...it's horrible. But I've read that this can be part of grief. It comforts me to know that what I'm going through may be normal. It calms me.

In some communities there is low cost counseling through community service centers. You could check and see if your community has that. Also, if you live near a university, and that university has a psychology department, seniors and graduate students in psychology do counseling, either low cost or free. You could check that out. I know about that because when I was working my way through school, I worked for a time as a receptionist in the psychology department of my university.

 

[zen]

Koosh...how's it going today?

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

Koosh...how's it going today?

Last night I woke up a couple of times during the night with anxiety. That really upsets me and worries me. But I managed to get up and go to work this morning. And after I got home tonight I started crying really hard. I think that's good. I realized that sad feels better than anxiety. Sad feels normal, anxiety feels...insane.

I'm think I'm pulling out of it, though...the crazy part...the anxiety and panic. I was dealing okay with the mourning and grieving for my Greta, crying every day, but sleeping okay and going to work and interacting normally at work.

I don't know what went wrong last week. But I can't let panic set in, it is intolerable.

I told myself that I am the only one who can really help me and that I am not going to put up with this anxiety. I think that's helping.

Thanks for asking, I appreciate it.

 

[zen]

You are not "the only one who can help you". Go see a doctor and a counselor. You have a lot going on.