Totally Tasteless and Corny Jokes, Quips, One-Liners, Dad Jokes and Other Assorted Sundries.

[GMCGeneral]

Come one and come all. Post your best (or worst) eye rolling, groaning, and coffee-spitting jokes here.

OK, I'll start. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Target is putting a store and establishing a satellite corporate office at the Freedom Tower (One World Trade Center) in NYC. The lease contract stipulates they have to put the corporate logo high up on all four sides of the building.

Why does the blond tiptoe through the bathroom? Because she doesn't want to wake the sleeping pills

Two Homicide Detectives arguing over jurisdiction? Stiff Competition

What did the plumber say to the customer when he installed the water heater? "This is a tankless job, but somebody's gotta do it".

 

[progressive hunter]

I dont get laid a lot so I hang round fish stores so I smell like I do,,

 

[The Irish Ram]

I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but I turned myself around...

 

[GMCGeneral]

Fifty female pigs
+
Fifty male deer?

A hundred Sows and Bucks

 

[GMCGeneral]

What kind of pizza did the office staff on the 97th floor of the old WTC North Tower order for lunch?

Two large Plains.

 

[BothWings]

A woman who was past her prime decided she wanted to do something to make her feel sexy again so she decided she would start by getting a couple of tattoos. She went to her local tattoo parlor and told the artist there she wanted a tattoo of John Lennon inside her left thigh looking up, and another one of Paul McCartney inside her right thigh looking up. When it was done she put on a short skirt and went around town trying to get some looks. Unfortunately there were no single attractive men around to test her new look on. Eventually she came upon a drunk old bum sitting on the sidewalk. With no one else to ask, she somewhat reluctantly asked him, while hiking up her skirt a bit, "Can I ask your honest opinion? Do you recognize the guys I have on my thighs? What do you think of my new tats?"

So the bum opened his glassy eyes a little and started looking back and forth while stroking his scraggly beard.

"Well??" she demanded.

And the bum replied, "WELL ....I don't know who those two guys are (hic!)....but that guy in the middle with the (hic!) beard and the bad breath...that's GOTTA be Willy Nelson!"

 

[wamose]

What did the guy say when he pulled over to pick up a one-legged, female hitchhiker? "Hop in Peg".

 

[1srelluc]

 

[1srelluc]

The new Hellen Keller walking doll, wind it up and it runs into the wall.

 

[Twisted Gypsy Child]

How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education? By renaming it Trump University.

Why does Donald Trump take Xanax? For Hispanic attacks.

 

[Votto]

Come one and come all. Post your best (or worst) eye rolling, groaning, and coffee-spitting jokes here.

OK, I'll start. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Target is putting a store and establishing a satellite corporate office at the Freedom Tower (One World Trade Center) in NYC. The lease contract stipulates they have to put the corporate logo high up on all four sides of the building.

Why does the blond tiptoe through the bathroom? Because she doesn't want to wake the sleeping pills

Two Homicide Detectives arguing over jurisdiction? Stiff Competition

What did the plumber say to the customer when he installed the water heater? "This is a tankless job, but somebody's gotta do it".

As a kid, I only had a stepladder to play with.

I never knew my real ladder.

 

[Votto]

What do in-laws and out-laws have in common?






































Outlaws are wanted.

 

[GMCGeneral]

What's the difference between Psalm 23 and a bad driver?
Psalm 23 says "My cup runneth over"
The bad driver says "'I've runneth over my cup".

 

[GMCGeneral]

What do a rubber ball and a bad check have in common?

They both bounce.

 

[GMCGeneral]

What do an Alzheimer's patient and a basketball have in common?

They both dribble.

 

[GMCGeneral]

Capt. E. J. Smith, Skipper of the Titanic was heading home and had this sinking feeling in his gut.
After he got home, his wife wasn't in the mood.
Next thing he said-"ICEBERG, RIGHT AHEAD"!!!!!

 

[GMCGeneral]

What do you call a midget fortune teller that skipped bail?

A small, medium, at-large.

 

[HikerGuy83]

The new Hellen Keller walking doll, wind it up and it runs into the wall.

Here about the new book by Hellen Keller....Around the Block in 80 days.