Its time we men who use pornography got more honest and self-aware about
the role weve given pornography in our lives. Pornography affects our moods,
our well-being, our self-esteem, and our ability to live fully. Once weve
surfaced the effects pornography is having on us, we can begin to decide
whether or not well allow those effects to continue to control us.
Check Yourself Out
Here are some effects that pornography use can have on men. Not every man
experiences all of them, but chances are there is at least one effect on this list
that has happened to you:
You become dissatisfied with your sexual partners physical
appearance or how they express themselves sexually
You become dependent on pornography in order to masturbate.
You look at peoples body parts a lot, especially the parts you look
at most in pornography.
You become attracted to people just because they remind you of
people you have only seen in pornography.
When you are having sex with someone, images or scenes youve
seen in pornography get in the waythey come into your mind
and wont go away, even if you want them to.
You treat people the way you see people in pornography treated.
You become more hostile or more aggressive toward your sexual
partner.
You seek out more and more violent/degrading pornography in
order to get the same sexual turn-on.
You cant feel turned on without pornography.
IS PORNOGRAPHY JERKING YOU AROUND?
SURGEON GENERALS WARNING:
Habitual use of this product may be hazardous
to your self-esteem and well-being.
Porn Defines Sexuality For Men & Women
One way pornography works is by manipulating mens sexuality. Many men
have learned a lot from pornography about what sex is supposed to be, what
women are supposed to be, and what were supposed to be as men.
Pornography gives men false ideas and expectations about womens sexual
naturethat women want men to possess and dominate them. Pornography
also encourages us to get off on the objectification of women, so it gives us
a false notion of our own natures as well.
Pornography As A Stimuli for Classical Conditioning
Is it possible to stare at womens breasts or other body parts and not be treating
them as objects? It is no secret that a great many men have sex with these
two-dimensional impersonations of womenthat is, they use visual
pornography as masturbatory stimuli. Despite the arguments of apologists
and profiteers, these glossy pictures are not sex aides. Men do not use
pornography to help themselves get into the relationship with their partner,
but use them instead of their partner. Some use pornography to masturbate
instead of having sex with their partner; others have sex with the pornographic
impersonation during sex with their partner. American boys, adolescents,
and men are being taught [classically conditioned] to become sexually obsessed
with constant, intense, sexually arousing fantasies, and to make their sexual
arousal more dependent upon use of nonliving objects than on real women
with whom they are partnered (p.113-114). 3
Cartoons That Perpetuate Rape Myths
Theres a cartoon; its from Penthouse: A man and a woman are in bed. Hes
on top, ******* her. The caption reads: I cant come unless you pretend to be
unconscious. The joke could as well have taken any number of variations: I
cant get hard unless
I cant **** unless
I cant get turned on unless
I cant
feel anything sexual unless
Then fill in the blanks: Unless I am possessing
you. Unless I am superior to you. Unless I am in control of you. Unless I am
humiliating you. Unless I am hurting you. Unless I have broken your
will
autonomic nervous system surges at the thought and/or the action of
forced sex, bullying sex, violent sex, injurious sex, humiliating sex, hostile
sex, murderous sex. The kind of sex that puts the other person in their place.
The kind of sex that keeps the other person other (p.63). 2
References:
1 Men Against Pornography. (1990). Is pornography jerking you around? In M. Kimmel (Ed.). Men
confront pornography (pp. 293-296). New York: Crown Publishers.
2 Stoltenberg, J. (1990). Pornography and freedom. In M. Kimmel (Ed.). Men confront pornography (pp.
60-71). New York: Crown Publishers.
3 Brooks, G. R. (1995). The centerfold syndrome: How men can overcome objectification and achieve intimacy
with women. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.
