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Separation & Divorce Impact on Children

Bonzi

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If you ever considered leaving your spouse, did you research the impact it has on kids?
What are your thoughts on this article?

The age of the children plays a role in how they react to the divorce. Effects of divorce on children under 9 years - the so called pre-schoolers - are that they tend to blame themselves for the divorce. They also dream about their parents getting back together again some day. That's wishful thinking

For pre-schoolers, the family and especially their parents, is the center of their universe. They need a lot of attention, care, love and confirmation from them. As a result of the divorce, they might become even more dependent of their parents. Divorced parents report that after the divorce, their young children started bed watering again and that they could not or did not want to do simple tasks that they were able to before. Probably, this is their way of getting closer to their parents.

Effects of Divorce on Children
 

Eaglewings

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Yes, I actually put money into my account and was going to leave if he didn't stop getting wasted..
He is 5 years clean now..

He is an attorney and thought my move of the money was brilliant...lol



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Bonzi

Bonzi

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I think it's important for people to realize what is going on in their children's minds.

I think most people that get a divorce or even separate, assume that if they are happier, their kids will be happier

Unless you are screaming at your kids every day, ignoring them or beating them, I don't think that is the case.
Sometimes you have to put your selfish desires aside - that is what parents do.
 

BULLDOG

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Sometimes it is better to go ahead and divorce knowing that the harm to the children won;t be as bad as the harm done by keeping them in the situation.
 

Eaglewings

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I think it's important for people to realize what is going on in their children's minds.

I think most people that get a divorce or even separate, assume that if they are happier, their kids will be happier

Unless you are screaming at your kids every day, ignoring them or beating them, I don't think that is the case.
Sometimes you have to put your selfish desires aside - that is what parents do.

I meant to add with my post, that what kept me from leaving sooner was not wanting to see pain in my kids face.
Its better to leave a marriage if all you do is fight in front of the kids , I feel.


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OldLady

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It is REALLY important how the parents handle their emotions. The most devastating part is when a parent or both parents go off the rails and pull the kids into the fight. No kid wants to take sides. Keep the trash talk for when the kids are out of the room and NEVER discuss your ex's failings with the kids.
 
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Bonzi

Bonzi

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Sometimes it is better to go ahead and divorce knowing that the harm to the children won;t be as bad as the harm done by keeping them in the situation.

Like I said, if they are seeing aggression and hostility, or are being harmed, that's one thing. But if you have 2 mature parents that can make that sacrifice, they should, at least through the formative early years.....
 

BULLDOG

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Sometimes it is better to go ahead and divorce knowing that the harm to the children won;t be as bad as the harm done by keeping them in the situation.

Like I said, if they are seeing aggression and hostility, or are being harmed, that's one thing. But if you have 2 mature parents that can make that sacrifice, they should, at least through the formative early years.....

Sadly, there are lots of times when the child has two parents, but not two mature parents.
 
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Bonzi

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Sometimes it's just best to be honest with yourself (and other people)......
 

April

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low blow. expected...

at least those children have their parents...try understanding the impact a parent dying in front of them has, or the impact the suicide of another parental figure has on them not but two years after that has, and then back with me.
 

G.T.

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Most of the negative impact of divorce means the parents were shitty to begin with. If parents pit themselves against one another using their kids, theyre shitty. If they dont see the bigger picture to keep everything in a seperation adult, and mature.....then they are shitty parents. Seperations can work for all parties involved so long as the ADULTS in the room care for the CHILDREN in the room during every step of the way. Common sense Ive got a bucket of it to dump so that someone pays a charity.
 
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Bonzi

Bonzi

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people make excuses to do what they want to do
bottom line is your happiness is more important than theirs
especially in a situation where there is no turmoil in the home
 
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Bonzi

Bonzi

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people will say it's for their own happiness, but 9 times out of 10, it's because they want to be with someone else.
they like to fool themselves and make excuses so it sounds "ok" then when the "new" relationships starts, it's like, oooh that was unexpected...

right
 

Disir

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people will say it's for their own happiness, but 9 times out of 10, it's because they want to be with someone else.
they like to fool themselves and make excuses so it sounds "ok" then when the "new" relationships starts, it's like, oooh that was unexpected...

right

How many say that?
 
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Bonzi

Bonzi

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people will say it's for their own happiness, but 9 times out of 10, it's because they want to be with someone else.
they like to fool themselves and make excuses so it sounds "ok" then when the "new" relationships starts, it's like, oooh that was unexpected...

right

How many say that?

I have not done a survey. I have only been married once (still married)

BUT, in previous committed relationships, I almost always left the person for someone else.
Maybe I'm the exception? That being said, most relationships I know break up because of a 3rd party.

I'm not sure they say it's unexpected, but, people that want to "save face" will say they are leaving the relationship because they are not happy. Well, most of the time, the only reason the became UNHAPPY is because the put their focus and attention on other things and they became more important to them than their spouse and/or kids.
 

Disir

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people will say it's for their own happiness, but 9 times out of 10, it's because they want to be with someone else.
they like to fool themselves and make excuses so it sounds "ok" then when the "new" relationships starts, it's like, oooh that was unexpected...

right

How many say that?

I have not done a survey. I have only been married once (still married)

BUT, in previous committed relationships, I almost always left the person for someone else.
Maybe I'm the exception? That being said, most relationships I know break up because of a 3rd party.

I'm not sure they say it's unexpected, but, people that want to "save face" will say they are leaving the relationship because they are not happy. Well, most of the time, the only reason the became UNHAPPY is because the put their focus and attention on other things and they became more important to them than their spouse and/or kids.

That sounds overly simplistic because of terms such as most. What I heard you say is that because it was true for you then it must be true for all. Children complicate matters.

Life is complicated. Relationships are complicated. People are messy.

Right now the divorce rate is low. People on the lower economic scale are choosing not to get married. Which is really funny considering the fact that this is where we were before the 1920s. People who are higher up that economic scale are getting married and staying together but they are getting married later, after they have graduated from college and have obtained stability. Marriage is about property. Divorce is about division of property.

It's absolutely fair to say that divorce impacts children and subsequently that impact is dependent on the age and the interaction of the parents. We have data for that.
 
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Bonzi

Bonzi

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people will say it's for their own happiness, but 9 times out of 10, it's because they want to be with someone else.
they like to fool themselves and make excuses so it sounds "ok" then when the "new" relationships starts, it's like, oooh that was unexpected...

right

How many say that?

I have not done a survey. I have only been married once (still married)

BUT, in previous committed relationships, I almost always left the person for someone else.
Maybe I'm the exception? That being said, most relationships I know break up because of a 3rd party.

I'm not sure they say it's unexpected, but, people that want to "save face" will say they are leaving the relationship because they are not happy. Well, most of the time, the only reason the became UNHAPPY is because the put their focus and attention on other things and they became more important to them than their spouse and/or kids.

That sounds overly simplistic because of terms such as most. What I heard you say is that because it was true for you then it must be true for all. Children complicate matters.

Life is complicated. Relationships are complicated. People are messy.

Right now the divorce rate is low. People on the lower economic scale are choosing not to get married. Which is really funny considering the fact that this is where we were before the 1920s. People who are higher up that economic scale are getting married and staying together but they are getting married later, after they have graduated from college and have obtained stability. Marriage is about property. Divorce is about division of property.

It's absolutely fair to say that divorce impacts children and subsequently that impact is dependent on the age and the interaction of the parents. We have data for that.

My point was definitely the age. I was 4-5 during the time when my parents split up. I had no concept of what was going on. I STILL had not accepted the fact even when we were driving with my Dad to meet our new soon to be step-mother. My sister and brother (older) were actually mocking me in the car about it because I was asking them "but he's married to Mom".... I've lived it, so I know.
 

Moonglow

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I've had one biological Dad and 5 step-Dads..You get to where you don't notice after the second divorce...
 

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