Proper Reaction to Unpleaaantry

[Anathema]

My wife and I have been having an ongoing discussion about the best and most appropriate way to respond to an unpleasant situation we face somewhat regularly......

I have a full facial burthmark/port wine stain. For those unfamiliar with such things, this means the skin on my face (ear to ear and from the corner of my lips over the top of my head) is purple in coloration.

As I'm sure many of you can guess, this elicits a slew of unusual reactions when people see me for the first time. Surprise, fear, and shock are quite common from both adults and children alike. Often both kids and adults will say things, some not so pleasant, upon seeing me for the first time.

After more than 42 years dealing with this, I tend to take it in stride. It doesn't really phase me most of the time, and even if it does, I do my best not to let it show. Kiss will be kids and I'm well aware there are stupid adults out there. Making a big deal out of it only gives credibility to their stupidity.

My wife and my mother in law see things very differently. They get incredibly upset and insulted if any adult makes a comment about the birthmark or allows their child to do so. They've nearly started fights in stores and in one case threatened to report a fast food worker to the manager on discrimination charges simply for making a comment about it.

It's nice to see them being supportive but they take things way too far. At least in my mind.

What do you folks think.... are they being over the top or am I not taking these comments seriously enough?

 

[miketx]

As a life long sufferer of another thing, ignore them unless they get in your face. There is a never ending supply of assholes.

 

[Russ Alllah Gehry]

What do you folks think.... are they being over the top or am I not taking these comments seriously enough?

The reality is they are making kit about themselves. People tend to do that

 

[boedicca]

I think your family members are allowing their emotions to control them in a counter-productive manner.

Yes, it is perfectly reasonable for them to feel upset/sad/discomfort by rude/ignorant attention. But enflaming the situation just makes things worse...and actually "others" you further. You're not a monster; you are a human being who was dealt a difficult hand by nature and who seems to be handling the situation with a lot of dignity.

It's natural for people to remark on things that are outside of their normal experience, impolite though it may be. Are those words really worth hurting such people in return by damaging their work situation or humiliating a parent in front of his child? I hope your family members can develop thicker skins and just learn to smile and ignore rude people. You'll all be happier for it.

 

[Cecilie1200]

My wife and I have been having an ongoing discussion about the best and most appropriate way to respond to an unpleasant situation we face somewhat regularly......

I have a full facial burthmark/port wine stain. For those unfamiliar with such things, this means the skin on my face (ear to ear and from the corner of my lips over the top of my head) is purple in coloration.

As I'm sure many of you can guess, this elicits a slew of unusual reactions when people see me for the first time. Surprise, fear, and shock are quite common from both adults and children alike. Often both kids and adults will say things, some not so pleasant, upon seeing me for the first time.

After more than 42 years dealing with this, I tend to take it in stride. It doesn't really phase me most of the time, and even if it does, I do my best not to let it show. Kiss will be kids and I'm well aware there are stupid adults out there. Making a big deal out of it only gives credibility to their stupidity.

My wife and my mother in law see things very differently. They get incredibly upset and insulted if any adult makes a comment about the birthmark or allows their child to do so. They've nearly started fights in stores and in one case threatened to report a fast food worker to the manager on discrimination charges simply for making a comment about it.

It's nice to see them being supportive but they take things way too far. At least in my mind.

What do you folks think.... are they being over the top or am I not taking these comments seriously enough?

Well, my own personality is such that I genuinely don't give a flying **** what anyone outside my family thinks. I am also rather anthropophobic (I have an irrational fear of humans), so I dislike interacting with people whenever it can be avoided. In other words, it would really depend.

Passing comments that aren't directly addressed to me, I would most likely ignore. In fact, I would probably be ignoring the people themselves, and not even notice the comments. Comments directed at me, I would probably be hostile, since forcing interaction on me and THEN being rude about it is a sure ticket to a butt-whooping. Kids, I don't take personally, but I DO take their parents' reaction so if they don't handle it properly.

Whether or not they're overreacting probably depends on the situation, the comments, and whether or not their reaction is making YOU more uncomfortable than the comments did. Frankly, that last consideration should trump anything else.

 

[Anathema]

I think your family members are allowing their emotions to control them in a counter-productive manner.

Yes, it is perfectly reasonable for them to feel upset/sad/discomfort by rude/ignorant attention. But enflaming the situation just makes things worse...and actually "others" you further. You're not a monster; you are a human being who was dealt a difficult hand by nature and who seems to be handling the situation with a lot of dignity.

It's natural for people to remark on things that are outside of their normal experience, impolite though it may be. Are those words really worth hurting such people in return by damaging their work situation or humiliating a parent in front of his child? I hope your family members can develop thicker skins and just learn to smile and ignore rude people. You'll all be happier for it.

I really wish they would develop thicker skins. I had to nearly drag my wife out of a dollar store a couple weeks back. Yes, the clerk was rude and obnoxious, but it wouldn't have done any good to get into a confrontation. She damn bear crawled across me to get at a drive-thru teller at a fast food joint who thought I was wearing a mask.

 

[Cecilie1200]

I think your family members are allowing their emotions to control them in a counter-productive manner.

Yes, it is perfectly reasonable for them to feel upset/sad/discomfort by rude/ignorant attention. But enflaming the situation just makes things worse...and actually "others" you further. You're not a monster; you are a human being who was dealt a difficult hand by nature and who seems to be handling the situation with a lot of dignity.

It's natural for people to remark on things that are outside of their normal experience, impolite though it may be. Are those words really worth hurting such people in return by damaging their work situation or humiliating a parent in front of his child? I hope your family members can develop thicker skins and just learn to smile and ignore rude people. You'll all be happier for it.

I really wish they would develop thicker skins. I had to nearly drag my wife out of a dollar store a couple weeks back. Yes, the clerk was rude and obnoxious, but it wouldn't have done any good to get into a confrontation. She damn bear crawled across me to get at a drive-thru teller at a fast food joint who thought I was wearing a mask.

Have you had a long talk with your wife about WHY she takes it so personally and how uncomfortable her behavior makes you? Sounds to me like she makes you feel worse about your birthmark than any of the commenters do.

 

[Anathema]

Well, my own personality is such that I genuinely don't give a flying **** what anyone outside my family thinks. I am also rather anthropophobic (I have an irrational fear of humans), so I dislike interacting with people whenever it can be avoided. In other words, it would really depend.

Passing comments that aren't directly addressed to me, I would most likely ignore. In fact, I would probably be ignoring the people themselves, and not even notice the comments. Comments directed at me, I would probably be hostile, since forcing interaction on me and THEN being rude about it is a sure ticket to a butt-whooping. Kids, I don't take personally, but I DO take their parents' reaction so if they don't handle it properly.

Whether or not they're overreacting probably depends on the situation, the comments, and whether or not their reaction is making YOU more uncomfortable than the comments did. Frankly, that last consideration should trump anything else.

I've been dealing with people like this my entire life. For more than 42 years I've ignored or simply dealt with the snide comments, insults, name-calling, etc... I won't say it doesn't hurt at times, but it's not worth responding to most of the time. The few times its been worth dealing with verbally or physically, I'm more than capable of defending myself.

I understand and appreciate the response on a certain level, but it's just too much.

 

[Anathema]

Have you had a long talk with your wife about WHY she takes it so personally and how uncomfortable her behavior makes you? Sounds to me like she makes you feel worse about your birthmark than any of the commenters do.

Yes. Multiple times. Every time something major happens. She says it's because these people are rude assholes who need to be confronted. I tend to disagree.

She doesn't make me feel worse about the birthmark. I accepted that decades ago. That's why I don't react like she does. If anything it embarrasses me a little by drawing attention to the situation rather than just ignoring it.

 

[Muhammed]

My wife and I have been having an ongoing discussion about the best and most appropriate way to respond to an unpleasant situation we face somewhat regularly......

I have a full facial burthmark/port wine stain. For those unfamiliar with such things, this means the skin on my face (ear to ear and from the corner of my lips over the top of my head) is purple in coloration.

As I'm sure many of you can guess, this elicits a slew of unusual reactions when people see me for the first time. Surprise, fear, and shock are quite common from both adults and children alike. Often both kids and adults will say things, some not so pleasant, upon seeing me for the first time.

After more than 42 years dealing with this, I tend to take it in stride. It doesn't really phase me most of the time, and even if it does, I do my best not to let it show. Kiss will be kids and I'm well aware there are stupid adults out there. Making a big deal out of it only gives credibility to their stupidity.

My wife and my mother in law see things very differently. They get incredibly upset and insulted if any adult makes a comment about the birthmark or allows their child to do so. They've nearly started fights in stores and in one case threatened to report a fast food worker to the manager on discrimination charges simply for making a comment about it.

It's nice to see them being supportive but they take things way too far. At least in my mind.

What do you folks think.... are they being over the top or am I not taking these comments seriously enough?

 

[Muhammed]

Well, my own personality is such that I genuinely don't give a flying **** what anyone outside my family thinks. I am also rather anthropophobic (I have an irrational fear of humans), so I dislike interacting with people whenever it can be avoided. In other words, it would really depend.

Passing comments that aren't directly addressed to me, I would most likely ignore. In fact, I would probably be ignoring the people themselves, and not even notice the comments. Comments directed at me, I would probably be hostile, since forcing interaction on me and THEN being rude about it is a sure ticket to a butt-whooping. Kids, I don't take personally, but I DO take their parents' reaction so if they don't handle it properly.

Whether or not they're overreacting probably depends on the situation, the comments, and whether or not their reaction is making YOU more uncomfortable than the comments did. Frankly, that last consideration should trump anything else.

I've been dealing with people like this my entire life. For more than 42 years I've ignored or simply dealt with the snide comments, insults, name-calling, etc... I won't say it doesn't hurt at times, but it's not worth responding to most of the time. The few times its been worth dealing with verbally or physically, I'm more than capable of defending myself.

I understand and appreciate the response on a certain level, but it's just too much.

I've got a birthmark on the back of my scrotum that is shaped like a big diamond. A lot women I've dated have noticed it and sometimes we make jokes about it. My balls are literally my family jewels.

I've never felt bad because of any jokes because I'm already being very intimate with any girl who sees it.

 

[Anathema]

.....I've never felt bad because of any jokes because I'm already being very intimate with any girl who sees it.

Your humor in the last two posts is neither necessary, nor appreciated. If you have something meaningful to add to the conversation, please do so. If not, please find somewhere else to be.

 

[Russ Alllah Gehry]

Well, my own personality is such that I genuinely don't give a flying **** what anyone outside my family thinks.

I don't believe you.

 

[Cecilie1200]

Well, my own personality is such that I genuinely don't give a flying **** what anyone outside my family thinks.

I don't believe you.

Well, that's certainly your opinion.

 

[Jarlaxle]

Have you had a long talk with your wife about WHY she takes it so personally and how uncomfortable her behavior makes you? Sounds to me like she makes you feel worse about your birthmark than any of the commenters do.

Yes. Multiple times. Every time something major happens. She says it's because these people are rude assholes who need to be confronted. I tend to disagree.

She doesn't make me feel worse about the birthmark. I accepted that decades ago. That's why I don't react like she does. If anything it embarrasses me a little by drawing attention to the situation rather than just ignoring it.

Just beat the hell out of her next time.