Captain Creeper
Diamond Member
- Oct 13, 2025
- 2,317
- 2,732
- 1,903
You may remember me talking about my friend, Old Dick. I met him while out bird hunting one day. He is a peculiar man, both in manner and appearance, but we bonded over politics. I now consider him a close and trustworthy friend.
One day a while back, while me and Old Dick were out doing some target practice, he broke some exciting news to me. In Old Dick’s trademark high-pitched, cartoony voice, he said, “I dun been thinkin on this fer a spell and now I has come to a conclusion: I is gonna run fer political office!!” I was floored.
“Holy shit, Old Dick, that is incredible! What seat are you running for?, I asked. Old Dick said he was running for a spot on the local school board. I asked Old Dick what made him decide to do this. He replied, “Well Hell and shit-fire, I hates them there leftist commie bitches! I figure I will thrust myself into the hole opened up when old Amyl up and died, and blast all them leftist goofballs with some seeds of righteous truth!”
I was proud of Old Dick. Usually, when he wants to fight back against the commie scourge it involves lots of gun play. But not this time. Old Dick has matured. He was gonna take on the bastards by their own game! Then, a thought occurred to me.
I said, “You know, Old Dick, those school boards are full of those college educated, leftist white women who want to trans kids and let every violent offender out of prison to prey on good, God-fearing folks. How do you plan on dealing with all that insanity?”
“I’m glad you asked, buddy!!”, Old Dick said. Then he shared his thoughts on this political run he is planning. “Ya see, them thar crazy white liberal bitches been brain-washed in those fancy universities. They been transformed into leftist commie monsters. What they need is some re-programming. Yes sir!!”
I asked him how he was going to do this. He responded, in his squeaky voice, “Well, now, as I see it, they ain’t never been exposed to some good Old Dick! I can teach them womens all about our nation, its constitution, and conservative thought, something they ain’t never studied. Them thar fancy universities dun demonized us patriotic Americans.”
Old Dick had a point. Them crazy white women have been brainwashed into being unwitting pawns of the neo-Marxist revolution. What they needed was some good Old Dick to bring them back to reality. He would set them bitches straight! In fact, they need to be beat over the head with Old Dick.
So Old Dick plunged into the race for the school board seat. It was rather rough when Old Dick first entered the race, as he is just a simple country boy. But I managed to lubricate his entry by teaching him some proper social etiquette.
As we expected, everyone involved in this race but us were leftist white women. Some of them were even something they call “lesbians”, which best I can tell means they are part of some kind of weird cult that dresses like gay dudes who aspire to live like trolls. Clearly, they had NEVER seen Old Dick.
Immediately, everyone was down on Old Dick, calling him a Hitler, a dictator, any all manner of derogatory things. They tried to get Old Dick to pull out, but he just kept on pumping! Old Dick is a true cultural warrior!
Before Election Day, Old Dick had been subjected to 32 attempts on his life by leftist tranny people. Fortunately, Old Dick is an accomplished marksman and blasted every one of those assassins with loads to their faces!!
When Election Day came, Old Dick won a seat on the school board by a landslide! Interestingly, he won the female vote. In fact, it was not even close. It turns out that most women love Old Dick! He had done it. Old Dick had penetrated the leftist lesbian stronghold on the school board. Those ugly leftists thought they were in control. But they don’t know Dick!
One day a while back, while me and Old Dick were out doing some target practice, he broke some exciting news to me. In Old Dick’s trademark high-pitched, cartoony voice, he said, “I dun been thinkin on this fer a spell and now I has come to a conclusion: I is gonna run fer political office!!” I was floored.
“Holy shit, Old Dick, that is incredible! What seat are you running for?, I asked. Old Dick said he was running for a spot on the local school board. I asked Old Dick what made him decide to do this. He replied, “Well Hell and shit-fire, I hates them there leftist commie bitches! I figure I will thrust myself into the hole opened up when old Amyl up and died, and blast all them leftist goofballs with some seeds of righteous truth!”
I was proud of Old Dick. Usually, when he wants to fight back against the commie scourge it involves lots of gun play. But not this time. Old Dick has matured. He was gonna take on the bastards by their own game! Then, a thought occurred to me.
I said, “You know, Old Dick, those school boards are full of those college educated, leftist white women who want to trans kids and let every violent offender out of prison to prey on good, God-fearing folks. How do you plan on dealing with all that insanity?”
“I’m glad you asked, buddy!!”, Old Dick said. Then he shared his thoughts on this political run he is planning. “Ya see, them thar crazy white liberal bitches been brain-washed in those fancy universities. They been transformed into leftist commie monsters. What they need is some re-programming. Yes sir!!”
I asked him how he was going to do this. He responded, in his squeaky voice, “Well, now, as I see it, they ain’t never been exposed to some good Old Dick! I can teach them womens all about our nation, its constitution, and conservative thought, something they ain’t never studied. Them thar fancy universities dun demonized us patriotic Americans.”
Old Dick had a point. Them crazy white women have been brainwashed into being unwitting pawns of the neo-Marxist revolution. What they needed was some good Old Dick to bring them back to reality. He would set them bitches straight! In fact, they need to be beat over the head with Old Dick.
So Old Dick plunged into the race for the school board seat. It was rather rough when Old Dick first entered the race, as he is just a simple country boy. But I managed to lubricate his entry by teaching him some proper social etiquette.
As we expected, everyone involved in this race but us were leftist white women. Some of them were even something they call “lesbians”, which best I can tell means they are part of some kind of weird cult that dresses like gay dudes who aspire to live like trolls. Clearly, they had NEVER seen Old Dick.
Immediately, everyone was down on Old Dick, calling him a Hitler, a dictator, any all manner of derogatory things. They tried to get Old Dick to pull out, but he just kept on pumping! Old Dick is a true cultural warrior!
Before Election Day, Old Dick had been subjected to 32 attempts on his life by leftist tranny people. Fortunately, Old Dick is an accomplished marksman and blasted every one of those assassins with loads to their faces!!
When Election Day came, Old Dick won a seat on the school board by a landslide! Interestingly, he won the female vote. In fact, it was not even close. It turns out that most women love Old Dick! He had done it. Old Dick had penetrated the leftist lesbian stronghold on the school board. Those ugly leftists thought they were in control. But they don’t know Dick!
