Michigan announces new interim coach as P Diddy to face Texas in Citrus bowl

[Votto]

Michigan's athletic department director Warde Mauel gave a statement to the media regarding picking a new football coach for their football program after they were forced to part ways with their former coach due to............well......................the fact that he is in jail now. Warde began by saying, "It brings us much heart ache to part ways with Sherrone Moore who was accused of crimes against a female employee who worked for Michigan university. In fact, we have not entirely given up on the idea that Sherrone is completely innocent and is nothing more than just one more casualty of the prevalent systemic racism oozing out of our country and fomented the present Trump administration. Having said that, let it be said that the University of Michigan will continue to take a continued active interest in our DEI program to select another man of color as our coach of the Michigan Wolverines in defiance of the current Presidential administration that has tried to ban DEI on college campuses all across the country which was the sole cause of us causing Sherrone Moore as coach of our football program in the first place. That is why we have decided to select P Diddy as the new interim head coach for our upcoming bowl game against Texas. Why P Diddy you may ask? Well, let it just be said that our former head coach Sherrone was outed by a white college girl, again, probably having to do with racism no doubt. That is why we need P Diddy because here is man who kept his bitches and ho's in line, at least for two decades he was able to beat women to a pulp openly in the hotels, even when being filmed, and kept it all out of the media for decades. Besides, he is already all lawyered up and ready to go!"

No word yet on whether the team will be able to participate in his freak outs involving his former sex trafficking slaves in order to help bolster recruitment efforts for next year.