You're Canadian and you had to learn English? You must be from the part of Canada that doesn't consider it to be a part of Canada.
As for what people say versus what they think, you weren't born here so you don't know.
PaintMyHouse, you should call yourself "painting myself in a corner".
I am a Canadian by naturalization. You know, that is a legal procedure whereby an immigrant, after fulfilling the requirement of the host country becomes a citizen, thereof. I am sure there are similar procedures in the United States, but if I had to learn about America from the likes of you, I would forever remain as - WAIT! let's use your own word: CLUELESS - you.
Your claim that a person has to have been born in America to know how Americans think would disqualify such dunces as Albert Einstein or Toqueville, who, no doubt, fade in the light of your brilliance.
Now, as an immigrant, I had a choice of learning either English or French, or both. If I had been as smart as you claim to be, I would be fluent in both, but, knowing my limitations, I chose to learn English.
Whether I succeeded or not is not for me to decide, but the least I can and DO expect from immigrants (legal or otherwise) to have the decency of learning and speaking the language of the host country that (as in my case), welcomed you or in the case of your love subjects, tolerate you.
I give you credit that your ignorance about your own country is PERHAPS not as great as your stupendous ignorance about Canada.