Man, this thread died real quick-like! I'm bringing it back....
1.
Character 1: Say, man, you got a joint?
Character 2: No, man, not on me.
Character 1: It'd be a lot cooler if you did, man.
2.
Store Owner: Hey, how many times do I have to tell you? No shirt, no service. Get the hell out of my store, what do you think this is, Club Med?
Customer: It's called America, dude. Learn the rules.
Store Owner: 'Learn the rules'? No, YOU learn the rules. We Greeks invented democracy.
Customer: You also invented homos.
3.
Character 1: God, you guys make me sick. What is this, a fucking feel good convention?
Character 2: Listen, we have a long journey ahead of us. It's importat we all get along. Now, you're hurting people's feelings. You're gonna have to find a more constructive way to express your anger.
Character 1: Okay. Well, fuck you. How's that for constructive?
Character 2: That's great. Now go to time out, mister.