[my questions]
Here is my question to you:
My wife and I have been married for over 20 years- why shouldn't a same gender couple have the exact same right to marry each other as my wife and I had?
Because their government ultimately has no compelling reason to recognize them as they do yours. I made a thread a few years ago explaining this, but legal marriage basically serves two functions: 1) to create a social safety net for those at an economic disadvantage (women, children), and 2) to facilitate the phenomena of childbirth.
Economically, women are more vulnerable than men. What is the key difference between women and men (that the government cares about)? They can and likely will have children. Women take months off of work to have children. Women tend to come out of the workplace to raise children. Men...tend not to.
Men work and earn more than women, and thus, women and their children are reliant on them for sustenance (not as much now, but traditionally, this has been the case). The "rights and benefits" tied to marriage exist for this reason. If a man lost his job, got sick and died, left his family, got sent to war and died, was disabled and could no longer work...the government would provide benefits for his family.
Children are not a natural consequence of same-sex unions. They can obtain kids, but that relationship is categorically barren. So thus, bestowing costly benefits and incentives to these couples is not a necessary investment.
Well that is a great rationalization for discrimination.
Lets talk about each one separately
1) Create a social safety net for those at an economic disadvantage
Marriage laws do not care about that. Marriage laws do not care whether or not the woman is a millionaire and the man is an accountant. At one time, women were considered less than equal in marriage- but legally that changed. What marriage laws do is create a partnership- a presumed life long partnership between two people where they commit to care for each other financially. This creates a 'social safety net' for both of the spouses- and this is a benefit to the state, as the state is less likely to be faced with supporting an indigent single person, if there two potential wage earners in a partnership.
2) 'Facilitate the phenomena of Childbirth'- again this is simply not true. The State of Wisconsin for example allows first cousins to marry- but only if they prove that they are unable to bear children. The State does not care whether or not a couple can have, desires to have, or ever has any children- naturally, through artificial conception, or through adoption. Straight couples have children regardless of whether they are married or not. Couples get married even if they are infertile. And gay people do have children.
Again- your statement that 'that relationship is categorically barren' is both false- and offensive to those who cannot conceive children themselves.
A lesbian couple can have children in the exact same manner as any straight couple in which the husband is infertile. A gay couple can have a child in the exact same fashion as a couple where the wife is unable to bare a child, and uses surrogacy. And all gay couples can adopt children in exactly the same manner that straight couples can adopt children.
You seem to be implying that couples- straight or gay- who cannot conceive through intercourse are less valuable to the state than those who can. I would argue that those who adopt are instead even more valuable to the state and should be more encouraged to marry.
Back to my original question:
My wife and I have been married for over 20 years- why shouldn't a same gender couple have the exact same right to marry each other as my wife and I had?
My wife and I have 1 child. A gay couple I know have 2 children. In both cases, we are committed couples who have been together for over 20 years.
Why do you think that the children of the gay couple should not have married parents but that my child does deserve married parents?