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Federal Judge Orders Astronauts Be Returned To Space Station
Politics·Mar 17, 2025 · BabylonBee.com
U.S. — A district judge has issued a ruling saying Trump lacked the Constitutional authority to pick up two astronauts who have been stranded at the International Space Station for several months.
SpaceX has been ordered to return the astronauts immediately.
"I will not stand by while Donald Trump abuses his power like a dictator," said Judge Earl Flanders in his ruling. "Trump has no authority to pick up these astronauts, and I can say that because I'm a federal judge, and no one is allowed to argue with me, and everyone has to do what I say."
Eyewitnesses say the judge then donned a Keffiyeh and spray painted a Cypbertruck while screaming "Black Lives Matter."
Sources in Washington say Trump plans to brazenly ignore the lawful order and bring the astronauts home anyway. "This is just the kind of wanton lawlessness we should expect from a dictator who is literally Hitler," said one legal analyst.
The SpaceX craft docked at the ISS on Sunday and was preparing for the return journey to Earth when the orders stopped the process short. "Please bring us home, I just want a cheeseburger and a nap in a horizontal bed," said one of the crew.
At publishing time, Trump was polling at 100% approval among the stranded astronaut demographic.
Politics·Mar 17, 2025 · BabylonBee.com
U.S. — A district judge has issued a ruling saying Trump lacked the Constitutional authority to pick up two astronauts who have been stranded at the International Space Station for several months.
SpaceX has been ordered to return the astronauts immediately.
"I will not stand by while Donald Trump abuses his power like a dictator," said Judge Earl Flanders in his ruling. "Trump has no authority to pick up these astronauts, and I can say that because I'm a federal judge, and no one is allowed to argue with me, and everyone has to do what I say."
Eyewitnesses say the judge then donned a Keffiyeh and spray painted a Cypbertruck while screaming "Black Lives Matter."
Sources in Washington say Trump plans to brazenly ignore the lawful order and bring the astronauts home anyway. "This is just the kind of wanton lawlessness we should expect from a dictator who is literally Hitler," said one legal analyst.
The SpaceX craft docked at the ISS on Sunday and was preparing for the return journey to Earth when the orders stopped the process short. "Please bring us home, I just want a cheeseburger and a nap in a horizontal bed," said one of the crew.
At publishing time, Trump was polling at 100% approval among the stranded astronaut demographic.
Either that or she's planning a date with Beetlejuice.
