Ever Been So Lonely You Could Cry?

[NATO AIR]

One of those nights/early mornings.... not even any alcohol consumption this time. Times like these make me wish I was still at sea and not back on land.

I do wonder how it is that some people are perfectly content with themselves, others are constantly with others and the ones left have an uncomfortable third option, neither comfortable with people or at ease with themselves.

The third option is a downer for sure.

I've lived the third option for 21 years now, pretending from time to time to be one of the other two types in order to placate concerned people.

Well... that's enough complaining about life for me at 5 am.

I wish you all a good weekend, and if you happen to have experienced this as well, or been one of these people.... would love to hear your own idea about this dreadful state of melancholy that afflicts at least a third of us.

 

[Joz]

....
I do wonder how it is that some people are perfectly content with themselves, others are constantly with others and the ones left have an uncomfortable third option, neither comfortable with people or at ease with themselves.....
I've lived the third option for 21 years now, pretending from time to time to be one of the other two types in order to placate concerned people.

1) Why don't you like people?
2) Why don't you like yourself?
3) Why can't you do both?
4) Why do you feel you need to pretend for others?

 

[NATO AIR]

1) Why don't you like people?
2) Why don't you like yourself?
3) Why can't you do both?
4) Why do you feel you need to pretend for others?

I like people, I like helping them with their problems, I like seeing their happiness and their success. At times I just get the blues and become anti-social, not in a mean or nasty way, just in a "uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh" kind of way.

I've never liked myself

I can like others but not myself.

Because If I don't pretend others will not leave me alone about it and it becomes a favorite topic in discussions and conversations better suited around other things, like their lives, their happiness, their experiences, etc etc.

 

[5stringJeff]

1) Why don't you like people?
2) Why don't you like yourself?
3) Why can't you do both?
4) Why do you feel you need to pretend for others?

I think I know what NATO is talking about. I'm very introverted by nature. It takes effort, and is very draining, to be in large social situations. I'd much rather be by myself. I never was aware, though, that there were people in the middle.

 

[Joz]

I like people, I like helping them with their problems, I like seeing their happiness and their success. At times I just get the blues and become anti-social, not in a mean or nasty way, just in a "uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh" kind of way.

I've never liked myself

I can like others but not myself.

Because If I don't pretend others will not leave me alone about it and it becomes a favorite topic in discussions and conversations better suited around other things, like their lives, their happiness, their experiences, etc etc.

This might sound off topic but do you write/paint/sculpt/ anything like that?

 

[NATO AIR]

I think I know what NATO is talking about. I'm very introverted by nature. It takes effort, and is very draining, to be in large social situations. I'd much rather be by myself. I never was aware, though, that there were people in the middle.

Yep, there's that middle. And it is frustrating :bangheads

I love crowds.... don't mind attention, don't mind the focus being on me. But at some point, over and over again, the off switch is hit and all of a sudden I just want to not talk or be around anybody.

I'm sure there are others like this... well, I think there are others like this.

 

[NATO AIR]

This might sound off topic but do you write/paint/sculpt/ anything like that?

I write, but for the past few years all I have been able to adequately write about is world events I am focused on. I have lost the gift of narrative detail and of storytelling, now my pen is attached to my paper as a mouthpiece of my feelings about what is happening to others.

, lovely situation here

 

[5stringJeff]

Yep, there's that middle. And it is frustrating :bangheads

I love crowds.... don't mind attention, don't mind the focus being on me. But at some point, over and over again, the off switch is hit and all of a sudden I just want to not talk or be around anybody.

I'm sure there are others like this... well, I think there are others like this.

My off switch goes off all the time... it's nothing abnormal.

 

[no1tovote4]

Yep, there's that middle. And it is frustrating :bangheads

I love crowds.... don't mind attention, don't mind the focus being on me. But at some point, over and over again, the off switch is hit and all of a sudden I just want to not talk or be around anybody.

I'm sure there are others like this... well, I think there are others like this.

Are you sure you are not bipolar?

This sounds much like clinical depression that will come along with the down side of Bipolar disorder.

I know there was a time I have felt this way.

 

[Joz]

I think I know what NATO is talking about. I'm very introverted by nature. It takes effort, and is very draining, to be in large social situations. I'd much rather be by myself. I never was aware, though, that there were people in the middle.

People would never believe that MM & I are both shy people. Him being an entertainer (in every sense of the word) and me bartending. And both of us being creative (hence my question to Nato) we are alone people. I sometimes wonder how we ever got together. Or how we stay together.
YES! It is very exhausting to go out to these clubs, set up equipment, and be "up" all night, enjoying the crowd. It is a real effort. And when you add grief to that mix....well people just don't understand.....especially me. Most of the time I can hang, but sometimes I just have to go off to myself.

 

[dilloduck]

I feel very hopeful about ya dude----introspection combined with a willingness to open up to others provides you with the opportunity to learn from them--we tend to find the answers for ourselves in the middle of our sufferings.

 

[Joz]

I write, but for the past few years all I have been able to adequately write about is world events I am focused on. I have lost the gift of narrative detail and of storytelling, now my pen is attached to my paper as a mouthpiece of my feelings about what is happening to others.

, lovely situation here

Artists are lone people. The degree of needing alone time depends on the individual. But you are going to have to get comfy with yourself. You have walked a difficult path at times; you must work to come to terms with things that have happened. You are so very young. You have a ways to go.

 

[Joz]

My off switch goes off all the time... it's nothing abnormal.

Isn't that how you ended up pregnant? :rotflmao:

 

[5stringJeff]

Isn't that how you ended up pregnant? :rotflmao:

No... that's my ON switch!

 

[Joz]

No... that's my ON switch!

I didn't mean your switch was turned off, I meant your switch went off.....uhhhhh, never mind.

 

[5stringJeff]

I didn't mean your switch was turned off, I meant your switch went off.....uhhhhh, never mind.

Ahhh... I see, said the blind man to his deaf dog...

But we digress.

 

[manu1959]

Yep, there's that middle. And it is frustrating :bangheads

I love crowds.... don't mind attention, don't mind the focus being on me. But at some point, over and over again, the off switch is hit and all of a sudden I just want to not talk or be around anybody.

I'm sure there are others like this... well, I think there are others like this.

guilty as charged.....i love being in a crowd...til i don't

 

[Dan]

I'm not a "crowd" person. It's not that I'm introverted, I'm not really, I'm just generally more comfortable alone than with other people. I was basically raised as an only child (all my siblings were MUCH older, the youngest graduated high school when I was like 3 or 4), and I think only children are able to better adjust to being alone.

You're not alone, Nato. I'd suggest getting back into writing, it's a good way to learn a lot about yourself, and maybe that will put you more at ease with yourself.

 

[Said1]

I thought is was partially due to being an only child, and fairly introverted, unless I don't want to be. I guess i'm in the middle too.

 

[dmp]

NATO - lemme tell you about October thru December of 1992, in my life.

Most of school life was spent with one or two close friends. That life was spent living in the same neighborhood, same house, seeing the same people.

At 19 I got this God-given urge to join the Army. My first assignment: Germany.

I got to Germany with a few friends from Advanced Individual Training (AIT), but largely was living in Bizzaro world. As new 'privates' into the Battery (Think 'Company - but Artillery') we were put up in the "Transition Room" - a barracks room with Standard Gov't Furniture. As the days went by, space in rooms would open up and one or two of the few of us were placed with roommates. Most of my friends had found new circles to travel in, and I didn't have much taste for their activities. I spent most of my free time in the drab little room with a tile floor I called 'home'. Every chance I could, I'd call my Mom and Dad - mostly for somebody to talk to; somebody who 'knew' me. After a couple months, my Mom de-activated my phone card. That crushed me. To this day I think I haven't gotten over how abandoned that made me feel.

I'll back up a bit and let you know I had a personality, sense of humour, and gave off a 'vibe' that few people liked. I would talk non-stop. I'd make jokes only I got - and 90% of them too corny for even ME to laugh at. People were 'nice' to me, but only a few would actually make an effort to hang around me.

As time passed I became more and more withdrawn. Being in an unfamiliar place, and not having a lot of friends (partly because I believed Alcohol sinful - and what do soldiers do? Party and Drink... ), started to take a toll. My duty performance struggled.

December 3, 1992, I turned 20 years old. I remember walking around through the day at work hoping somebody - my platoon sergeant, my team chief - a friend - ANYONE would wish me 'happy birthday'. I can't recall it happening. After work, I went to check my mail - nothing from Mom or Dad.

I retreated back to the Transition Room and started to cry. It was a release of emotions long over due. I decided "I'm going to get drunk!".

I hated the taste of alcohol. The vending Machine in the barracks sold Heinekin - but I hated beer. I walked outside the gate to a little bistro and bought a pack of Cherry/Rum-filled chocolates. I had heard of 'rum and coke' before, so after picking up a coke from the machine, I went back to The Transition Room. There I opened the coke, and broke open a few chocolates - My goal was to pour the rum into the coke, thereby making a beverage I could get drunk on.

Yeah...didn't work.

I picked myself up and decided to head into Mainz - the closest big city. Maybe I'd visit Das Sexy, the local brothel? Maybe i'd find a pub and try a beer? Naw...I don't have $50 for a hooker, and I really don't like beer.

At the bus stop was a pretty good friend of mine - Brian, and his roommate Vinny. As we sat down on the bus, Brian mentioned,

"Yeah - and today's Vinny's birthday, so I'm taking him to dinner!"

I felt Crushed. I felt beyond low.

Then Brian looked at me for a second..

"Oh my gosh - it's your birthday too, isn't it? uh...wow...do you want to come with us?"

I declined as gracefully as I could.

Getting into town and walking for about and hour I relized that life sucked. I realized that I don't choose my friends - my friends will choose me. I started soul-searching and came to the conlcusion I was not somebody I wanted to hang out with much. I was not a social person - at least not secularly social (if that's a real term). I decided that God would just have to forgive me, because, damn-it, I was going to go to the next party or club I was invited to.

Shortly after, things started turning around for me...While I didn't feel as close to God as before, I did feel I understood God better - and that helped a ton. I discovered God didn't want or need me to be a social-outcast/lepper for Him to be real in my life.

So - I wrote all that to say two things:

Yes - I have been there.

God has fantastic ways of fixing things in our hearts.

All the best.

darin