Ever been in love?

[Pop23]

Yes. I married her. She is my soulmate. She makes me a better person.

We must have married the same person. Without her I would be half the person I am now. Thought I was in love a few times before I met her.

25 years later, still makes my head spin when she walks in the room.

 

[Michelle420]

Yes I am in love

 

[Ava]

C'mon. It's the internet! Anonymous and brutally frank.

I've been in two long-term relationships (still in the midst of the second) and I must honestly answer 'nope'. Not so much. I've found nothing like a 'soulmate' in this world. I know others have, but it does seem like the exception to the rule.

What say you?

Looking back, and up to the present, I see that I have, all but once, been infatuated more often than been "in love." I have come to prefer that in-between stage, that happens right before infatuation. I prefer "being in like" and having respect, but no commitments, or expectations, only truth. This keeps it all much more exciting, for me. It keeps it romantic, which is my goal. Having a soul mate is not something I desire.

 

[Barb]

Most run with their hair on fire from such. For different reasons. THERE is the question. WHY did you run? For me, the realities of my life would have ruined him. Also, him chewing his arm off in response wasn't something I was prepared to deal with in any semblance of of maturity or even sanity. As it was, I changed my mind about all that once upon a time only to be shot down, and the abyss was all too ready to greet me. Maybe that brand of insanity isn't for everyone? Maybe the timing is off for most people?

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

You're in a long term relationship but aren't in love?

Lots of people are in long term relationships but not in love. Probably most people.

Because what we call "falling in love" probably has a lot more to do with lust than love.

When the lust is gone, or greatly diminished, and you still love that person dearly and want to be with them...THEN you have something. But I wouldn't call it "being in love."

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

You're in a long term relationship but aren't in love?

Hmmm... well, when you put it that way....

Yeah?

Why?

I'd rather be searching for the person who drives me wild rather than settle for someone else.

dblack is simply a very honest person. Most people, not so much.

And I think you are confusing lust with real love. dblack is not saying he/she doesn't care, even love, the person he's with. He's just saying he's not "in love." He's realistic and honest.

 

[High_Gravity]

I was in love a few times, I just got out of a 5 year relationship this past August I was probably really only in love with her for the first 2 and a half. I think we both just stayed for financial reasons and the familiarity of it. Never doing that shit again.

 

[TakeAStepBack]

Love is a chemical inbalance of the brain.

 

[High_Gravity]

Love is a chemical inbalance of the brain.

I think you just nailed it.

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

The first question that comes to my mind when people talk about being "in love" and married to their soulmate, is this...how long? How long have you been together. If it's 25-30 years or more...then I'm impressed. Otherwise, not so much.

I have been what people call "in love" a few times. But only now with my current husband do I have the missing link. And the missing link before was...COMMITMENT. We had been living together for eight years when we made a conscious commitment to each other by going through the trouble of getting married in the Catholic Church. He went through seven months of classes and converted to Catholicism, just so I could have a full mass for our wedding. We decided that this was it...if there were problems we'd just have to work them out, because we were committing, really, consciously, no bullshit, COMMITTING to each other for life.

We've been married 15 years now, been living together a total of 23 years. There've been times I am a little bit fed up with him and then I remember our COMMITMENT. And I adjust my thinking.

Do I get all hot and bothered every time he walks in the room? No, that wouldn't be very practical. Do I love him? With all my heart and soul.

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

I was in love a few times, I just got out of a 5 year relationship this past August I was probably really only in love with her for the first 2 and a half. I think we both just stayed for financial reasons and the familiarity of it. Never doing that shit again.

For the first 2 1/2 years she really turned you on, that's what we call "being in love." After 2 1/2 years, not so much. That's why there has to be much more than sex in a relationship...real love and caring for the other person, along with a big dose of realistic expectations...so it will hold together when sex is no longer the center of the universe. : ) Or when the sex begins to get a little boring, which is when people like to say they "fell out of love" in order to justify finding someone new to have sex wtih. : ) Love has nothing to do with THAT.

 

[High_Gravity]

I was in love a few times, I just got out of a 5 year relationship this past August I was probably really only in love with her for the first 2 and a half. I think we both just stayed for financial reasons and the familiarity of it. Never doing that shit again.

For the first 2 1/2 years she really turned you on, that's what we call "being in love." After 2 1/2 years, not so much. That's why there has to be much more than sex in a relationship...real love and caring for the other person, along with a big dose of realistic expectations...so it will hold together when sex is no longer the center of the universe. : ) Or when the sex begins to get a little boring, which is when people like to say they "fell out of love" in order to justify finding someone new to have sex wtih. : ) Love has nothing to do with THAT.

Yeah you pretty much nailed it.

 

[boedicca]

Yes. I married her. She is my soulmate. She makes me a better person.

Ditto for me, with the genders flipped.

He makes me a better person; and I believe I have the same influence on him.

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

I was in love a few times, I just got out of a 5 year relationship this past August I was probably really only in love with her for the first 2 and a half. I think we both just stayed for financial reasons and the familiarity of it. Never doing that shit again.

For the first 2 1/2 years she really turned you on, that's what we call "being in love." After 2 1/2 years, not so much. That's why there has to be much more than sex in a relationship...real love and caring for the other person, along with a big dose of realistic expectations...so it will hold together when sex is no longer the center of the universe. : ) Or when the sex begins to get a little boring, which is when people like to say they "fell out of love" in order to justify finding someone new to have sex wtih. : ) Love has nothing to do with THAT.

Yeah you pretty much nailed it.

And this usually isn't that much of a problem...people move along, find someone else to fall "in love" wtih. When it becomes a problem is when there are children involved. Couples who want to have children need to make that conscious COMMITMENT to remain together after the lust has died down. So they need to make sure they have enough in common, shared goals, etc. and genuine fondness for each other before they start popping out the kids.

Unfortunately, too many people don't approach this with the care they should. Therefore, an unprecedented number of kids today come from broken homes. It's sad, really. And people can rationalize all they want, it is very, very hard on kids. Except that so many of their friends have broken families that the stigma is less than it used to be. : (

 

[High_Gravity]

For the first 2 1/2 years she really turned you on, that's what we call "being in love." After 2 1/2 years, not so much. That's why there has to be much more than sex in a relationship...real love and caring for the other person, along with a big dose of realistic expectations...so it will hold together when sex is no longer the center of the universe. : ) Or when the sex begins to get a little boring, which is when people like to say they "fell out of love" in order to justify finding someone new to have sex wtih. : ) Love has nothing to do with THAT.

Yeah you pretty much nailed it.

And this usually isn't that much of a problem...people move along, find someone else to fall "in love" wtih. When it becomes a problem is when there are children involved. Couples who want to have children need to make that conscious COMMITMENT to remain together after the lust has died down. So they need to make sure they have enough in common, shared goals, etc. and genuine fondness for each other before they start popping out the kids.

Unfortunately, too many people don't approach this with the care they should. Therefore, an unprecedented number of kids today come from broken homes. It's sad, really. And people can rationalize all they want, it is very, very hard on kids. Except that so many of their friends have broken families that the stigma is less than it used to be. : (

Most people now just get pregnant on accident, try leaving together for a while than that fails and than bingo, one more broken American home.

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

Oh, yeah, the other possible problem is if you "fall out of love" with someone like Jodi Arias. There can be severe consequences. So be careful whose heart you toy with, whether intentionally or not.

 

[AmyNation]

Hmmm... well, when you put it that way....

Yeah?

Why?

I'd rather be searching for the person who drives me wild rather than settle for someone else.

dblack is simply a very honest person. Most people, not so much.

And I think you are confusing lust with real love. dblack is not saying he/she doesn't care, even love, the person he's with. He's just saying he's not "in love." He's realistic and honest.

He said he's never been in love.

So, at no point in his current relationship, has he ever been in love with her. That's what I call settling.

 

[Mr Natural]

Love stinks.

(Yeah, yeah.)

 

[April]

I met my true love at 15, married him, and had three beautiful babies together. He was my everything. He died June 12th 2006......I have yet to find another love like that.

 

[dblack]

Why?

I'd rather be searching for the person who drives me wild rather than settle for someone else.

dblack is simply a very honest person. Most people, not so much.

And I think you are confusing lust with real love. dblack is not saying he/she doesn't care, even love, the person he's with. He's just saying he's not "in love." He's realistic and honest.

He said he's never been in love.

So, at no point in his current relationship, has he ever been in love with her. That's what I call settling.

Kooshdakhaa has it about right. That's more or less where I'm at. But you're right too - it is 'settling', no way around it.

I'm not totally sure that's a bad thing though. The woman I'm with now is good for me in many ways; she complements my weaknesses nicely, I like her family and we do care for each other a great deal. But there's really nothing like genuine passion or romance, from either of us.