Doing Cologuard next week

[Polishprince]

Apparently, after they get the kit to me, I will have to crap in a box and mail it back to the people ate Cologuard to analyze my crap.

The real question is making sure I crap enough crap to impress them.

What would you recommend I eat this to ensure that I send them a large and impressive specimen.

These are people I've never met, so this is my only chance to impress.

At-Home Colon Cancer Screening Test | Cologuard® Patient Site

Cologuard® is a noninvasive at-home colon cancer screening test for adults 45+ at average risk. See risk info and talk to your provider. Rx only.

www.cologuard.com

 

[Lord-Humungus]

Didn’t know you could mail shit like that.

 

[White 6]

Apparently, after they get the kit to me, I will have to crap in a box and mail it back to the people ate Cologuard to analyze my crap.

The real question is making sure I crap enough crap to impress them.

What would you recommend I eat this to ensure that I send them a large and impressive specimen.

These are people I've never met, so this is my only chance to impress.

At-Home Colon Cancer Screening Test | Cologuard® Patient Site

Cologuard® is a noninvasive at-home colon cancer screening test for adults 45+ at average risk. See risk info and talk to your provider. Rx only.

www.cologuard.com

If you have normal digestion, anything after that first or second cup of coffee in the morning should do (or do-do) in this case.
I have had the option twice and much prefer it to drinking Go-Litely, going under twilight sleep meds and having a camera rammed up my ass, while the nurses stand around with my ass hanging out. But that's just me.

 

[White 6]

Didn’t know you could mail shit like that.

UPS.

 

[Lord-Humungus]

Prunes, eat lots of prunes.

 

[Lord-Humungus]

UPS.

The brown trucks take on a whole new meaning now

 

[MarathonMike]

When I did one of those home colon cancer test kits years ago, You just dropped a treated piece of paper into your poop toilet. It changed color based on what it detected.

 

[Meister]

Apparently, after they get the kit to me, I will have to crap in a box and mail it back to the people ate Cologuard to analyze my crap.

The real question is making sure I crap enough crap to impress them.

What would you recommend I eat this to ensure that I send them a large and impressive specimen.

These are people I've never met, so this is my only chance to impress.

At-Home Colon Cancer Screening Test | Cologuard® Patient Site

Cologuard® is a noninvasive at-home colon cancer screening test for adults 45+ at average risk. See risk info and talk to your provider. Rx only.

www.cologuard.com

Read the directions, it's not that bad. If you really want to fuck with them, use your dogs poop.

 

[Polishprince]

If you have normal digestion, anything after that first or second cup of coffee in the morning should do (or do-do) in this case.
I have had the option twice and much prefer it to drinking Go-Litely, going under twilight sleep meds and having a camera rammed up my ass, while the nurses stand around with my ass hanging out. But that's just me.

I did that protocol when I was 51. I went to a teaching hospital for my colonoscopy, and they asked me (after they got me loaded on Versed) if I would mind if student watched. I said, "sure, join the party". That Versed shit gets you fucked up, for sure.

 

[petro]

Beans, and corn, lots of corn.

 

[petro]

Read the directions, it's not that bad. If you really want to fuck with them, use your dogs poop.

"You're clear for colon cancer, but you have worms."

 

[White 6]

Beans, and corn, lots of corn.

And don't eat tomatoes, pimentos or other red veggies the night before, unless you want them to go back in a camera for a closer look.

 

[TroglocratsRdumb]

Magnesium will clean you out.

 

[1srelluc]

I ate a apple....It was colorful.

 

[two_iron]

Do it san francisco style and just them the coordinates....

 

[petro]

And don't eat tomatoes, pimentos or other red veggies the night before, unless you want them to go back in a camera for a closer look.

I actually had the colonoscopy about 4 years ago. They completely sedated me. That was really nothing. It was
the starving myself and having to shit that liquid for a day that sucked the most.

 

[White 6]

I actually had the colonoscopy about 4 years ago. They completely sedated me. That was really nothing. It was
the starving myself and having to shit that liquid for a day that sucked the most.

I had it in my 40s or 50s. I had twilight sleep. That Go-Litely was go like a bathtub fawcett, repeatedly all damn day. The doc had his own clinic. He was known for the hottest nurses in town, within the medical community, divorced at least 4 times, always marrying one of his hot nurses. Twilight sleep or not, I went in knowing and seeing all these hotties standing around the table, knowing my ass was going to be hanging out. Maybe just shy, but very uncomfortable, right up until the drugs, then obviously didn't give a damn if the sun did shine and everybody enjoyed the "full moon".

 

[odanny]

I had a colonoscopy a few months ago, it's really easy now, you don't even have to drink much prep solution, my first one I drank a gallon of the stuff and that was horrible. Just get a colonoscopy, if you can afford it. You'll be good for another 10 years when you are done. It's quick, easy, and they use Versed to knock you out.

 

[2aguy]

Apparently, after they get the kit to me, I will have to crap in a box and mail it back to the people ate Cologuard to analyze my crap.

The real question is making sure I crap enough crap to impress them.

What would you recommend I eat this to ensure that I send them a large and impressive specimen.

These are people I've never met, so this is my only chance to impress.

At-Home Colon Cancer Screening Test | Cologuard® Patient Site

Cologuard® is a noninvasive at-home colon cancer screening test for adults 45+ at average risk. See risk info and talk to your provider. Rx only.

www.cologuard.com

I would recommend getting an actual colonoscopy......more thorough.......

 

[2aguy]

When they put me out I tried to see how long I could stay awake.......next thing I knew they were wheeling me into the recovery room.....