In my kid's high school, about six years ago, then enacted a system where a student can 'sap' (I forget what that stands for) another student if they think that student is doing some kind of self-harm or something like drinking, smoking pot, etc.
I got a call from the guidance counselor about three weeks ago, my kid was sapped, the student reporting her said that she (my kid) was drinking. I literally laughed out loud at the counselor and said 'yeah? well she's drinking in the basement or right next to me on the sofa, cause she hasn't been anywhere to drink'. The counselor said that while this rule has helped a few students over the years, but it was too easy to abuse and that the vast majority of students getting 'sapped' were getting sapped by kids who were mad at them. The kid who sapped my kid was mad at her cause my kid does not want to be friends with the other kid (hasn't for a long time, the kid just doesn't seem to get it or like the fact).
This bullying law will yield the same thing, people will be crying "bullying" over someone calling them a fat cow or something. Nowadays you can't say anything that might offend someone without them crying "ooo, I'm being bullied!" We're raising a bunch of pansy-assed wussies who have no clue how to stand up for themselves, fight back (they get in trouble if they do), or grow a spine.
Someone physically beating up a kid, stealing his shit, physically going after him on a more-than-once or twice basis is bullying. Spreading rumors on the interwebs isn't, name calling isn't. Shit like that has been going on forever and the vast majority of it passes over. How are kids going to learn to stick up for themselves/defend themselves when we keep taking those opportunities away from them?
Life's tough, get a helmet.
I appreciate your input, Zoom-boing.
That term sapping is new to me, and I haven't been able to find it over the internet in that context. If it means notifying school authorities if they think a child is doing something self-destructive like smoking pot or drinking, then let's start there. First, a good question is if they mean "sapping" the youth while on school property, or off. Whether or not that's the case I do support school officials in that endeavor because it's illegal for youths ages 21 and younger to drink alcohol or smoke pot in most states (please correct me if I'm wrong). If your child is drinking, and she's alone, and under-age, there's the likelihood or her drinking too much, and possibly risking her life. Teens in general aren't all that bright, but they do have their ways when it comes to being sneaky, and defying their parents, and knowing how to seem innocent and unassuming when in the presence of their parents.
Sapping isn't a term you will find because, as I said in my original post, it's something the school initiated about six years ago.
My kid isn't drinking, go back and read what I wrote.
You also failed to note that the guidance counselor told me that the vast majority of kids being sapped weren't doing anything wrong, they were sapped by people who wanted to 'get back' at them because they were mad at them. While it has helped a few over the years she told me that for the most part it's turned into a finger-pointing/get even type thing. This bullying law will turn into the same thing. A five year old calls some kid a fat idiot at recess and the next thing you know, the parents are having to pay a fine because the kid was 'bullying' the other kid. Please, give me a break. Watch, that's exactly what will happen. It will teach kids that speaking their mind is wrong because someone might get offended, best to just shut up and never question anything just do what you're told.
It's not possible for your eye to be on her every waking moment, Zoom, and there are probably times when she's out of your range doing things that you would not approve of. 'Course, she may not, but you never really know with teenagers and their peer pressure issues. While the spirit of that rule is good, and meant to protect kids from going down the wrong path, I can understand how children can misuse that rule. Better to err on the side of caution, and reprimand those who have been proven to misuse the system out of spite. All of this said—and I am grateful for you bringing it up—is a bit different that this other system meant to curtail the menacing behavior of bullying.
No kidding kids do stupid shit, sneak off and do things they shouldn't be doing. I did, you did it. Do I want my kids doing stupid shit? No. Will they? Yup. Can I stop it? Nope. Should I stop it? Only the most dangerous shit. Why? Because what they are doing is figuring it all out and I if stop and interfere each and every time ... how will they ever learn?
My youngest (junior in hs) when she was in 7th grade hung around with a kid who I didn't like much, she was a trouble maker. Under this friend's influence, my kid cut a class or two and stopped doing her school work. I made short work of it all, got her back on track. Same thing in 8th grade. 9th grade, not cutting class but she decided to be stupid and not do her work ... projects, tests, homework, etc. She was failing all her major classes. As the good parent I was in contact with all her teachers, followed up on what homework/projects, etc she had, blah, blah, blah. End of the year she was passing all her classes. Lather, rinse, repeat for her sophomore year. At the end of her sophomore year (last year) I had 7 deaths in 7 months in my family, including my mom and dad 11 days apart. I was incapable of doing what I had been doing with her and quite frankly I was sick and tired of it. So I stopped. First quarter ... failing all major subjects. I just looked at her grades, looked at her and said 'if you stay on this path, you'll never get done'. And left it at that. Told her flat out do what you want, you want to blow it all off and fail? Ok, fail. I'm done, I had neither the energy or the emotional strength to babysit her. She figured it out, freaking finally, and is passing all classes. My doing it for her taught her nothing, she needed to figure it out for herself. Mistakes are the best teachers.
The same holds true for bullying. I'm not saying don't get involved if a kid is physically being harmed but seriously, people jump the gun over nothing too much of the time. The kid who was 'sapping' my kid? She was also tweeting ALL kinds of shit about my kid, nasty stuff. Anyone who knows my kid knows it's all lies, anyone who doesn't know my kid doesn't care. When my kid didn't want to be friends with this kid several years back? The kids mom was on the phone with me, "oh lets talk this all out, blah, blah, blah." Uh, no. Let them figure it out for themselves. "Oh but my kid is sad". And? That's life, comfort her, talk to her, help her to build that thicker skin. That's your job as a parent.
Because bullying seems as if not more important that the sapping issue, I will level with you that there need to be more checks and balances to better sift through what's bullying, and what's an abuse of the system. However, I don't think it should be forgotten that there are bullies in our schools—quite a few—and that doing nothing is wrong. We need to have standards, and not tolerate bad people bullying others, especially when the victims are youths. Those young years are very important, and simply saying "grow a thicker skin and get over it" isn't good enough. Not when it's severe bullying. There's already been enough dead bullying victims, and too many dead innocents left in the wake of a severely bullied and traumatized—and now armed—student.
The distinction must be made that bullying isn't simply physical. Zoom-boing,
bullying is the use of superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants (
Source). I think we should care—give a damn—about the evils of bullying in all its forms. Trying to reduce, simplify, and trivialize bullying into simply the physical is incorrect; as our dictionaries show, it's more than that. And just because it's been happening forever doesn't mean anything. Murder has been going on forever, too, so that point is moot. It's also tough for the victims of bullies to defend themselves, especially when it's not 1v1.
Do something only if it's severe. Otherwise, butt the hell out and teach your children to stand up for themselves. And for God's sake, stop punishing kids for fighting back!
