Manifold: You're an idiot. I suggest if you feel so strongly about the nuances of abuse (but obviously know so little) you spend some time volunteering at a women's shelter. They often need services men can provide....things like yard work, transportation, help with moving. Maybe then you'll be a little more open minded, when you see how many women are actually charged with crimes because their pos abusers are able to convince people that THEY'RE the victims, and the whole situation is just a tempest in a teapot to which the victim over-reacted and/or started herself.
Here's what my ex was great at: He'd treat me wonderful in front of people, then rant and rave for hours at home, threatening me, my kids, breaking things, taking the keys to the car so I couldn't leave, taking the phone, breaking my belongings, pouring out our food on the ground (I have no idea what that was about) taking toys I'd bought for his children and putting them in the dumpster....then when a neighbor would call the cops because of the noise, he'd rip his shirt and tell the cops I'd attacked him.
He didn't just do this to me. He also did it to his ex after I left his sorry ass and she came to pick up the kids because they'd called her to say he'd picked up his 10 year old 100-lb son by his ears. They arrested her and lodged her for 3 days, because his shirt was ripped and he said she did it.
But if I ever said a cross word to him in public, his buddies would shake their heads and later actually signed affidavits saying they'd only seen me act in an abusive towards HIM.
So you just don't know whether verbal abuse is indicative of something more or not. And you're stupid to try to figure it out if you have nothing to do with the case.