Good to be back. Even better to be out of the clutches of the medical establishment.
I got a call at the house on Tuesday, my doc wanted to do a direct admit based on the Monday appointment and the blood work results. I refused (hear that Mr. P?). But the wife lied to me and claimed that they planned to give me a heavy duty pain killer to alleviate these muscle aches I was having. Not that the pain was all that bad, it was just that it was all over. It is no exaggeration to state that at one point I literally ached from the soles of my feet to the top of my head. So anyway, after the wife promised pharmaceutical relief, I agreed to go. Well, since she had fibbed, now she had to scurry to the doc's office and fess up. Fortunately he agreed that it was appropriate.
Upon arrival, they sicced a lab tech on me who looked like he was a refugee from the Adam's family sitcom. Tall, lanky, goofy looking bastard who talked like Bella Lugosi. Then he laid out the paraphenalia of his trade. I counted sixteen vials and bottles. Some of those suckers were 1 inch square by 1 1/2 tall. Fortunately, he did not have to fill those to the top. Of course, he was simply the first in a never-ending parade of blood suckers who plagued me during the entire stay. Why is it that these buttwipes only come out at night, wake your ass up and stick a freaking rusty, square, dull needle the size of a garden hose into your artery??? Is there some damn hospital protocol that prohibits these people from doing their sadistic chores in the daytime? I swear that if you go into their break room, they're hanging upside down from the rafters.
Part of the protocol for these ghouls was to wake you up, apologize for waking you up, ask you to verify your name and birthday which they would then compare to the fashion bracelet you get when you check in. I got so damn tired of having needles stuck in me that when they asked my name I told them I was William Jefferson Clinton. Rotten bastards stuck me anyway. At one point they were giving me a blood transfusion in my right arms while sucking blood out of my left. I suggested they save us all a lot of pain and simply stick their damn needle directly into the IV bag of blood. Assholes. Wouldn't do it.
Anway, I improved steadily from the time I was admitted until Thursday. Felt great on thursday. Goddamn doc wouldn't let me out. Sonofabitch. Now the flip side of hospitalization started to kick in - the sleep deprivation part. These people need to be sent to Iraq to work in Abu Ghraib. They could get information out of the most fanatic moslem on the planet. From Thursday till the released me Sunday, it was a downhill slide. Medically I was doing fine. Physiologically, I was suffering from exhaustion. If they had attempted to keep me for two more days, I would have been on top of the television waiting to pounce and rip the throat out of the next white coat that I saw. I think doc recognized the symptoms and released me a day earlier than he really wanted to. Good man. He gets to live a while longer.
