Ask Joe (a new advice column just for USMB members)

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe,

My monkey has fleas. How do I get rid of them?

Joe says sell your Monkey.

Right, Joe?

ALWAYS be prepared to sell yourself, Brother!

Just make sure you get what you're worth for the job.

 

[AVG-JOE]

Why you sleepin' with ya eyes closed?

Love,

Destiny's Child

How else am I to dream of you, sweet Sarah?

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe,

Should I figure out a new way to dust the window blinds ... Or just buy new ones?

.

Have you tried a pressure washer?



Take them outside first.

There's a good idea. ​

 

[AVG-JOE]

If You ladies can't count on house-cleaning tips from Briggs & Stratton, who can you count on?

​

 

[percysunshine]

Dear Joe:

I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs. phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up.

My wife has been going out with 'the girls' a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, 'just some friends from work, you don't know them.' I always try to stay awake to look out for her coming home, but I usually fall asleep. Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.

Around midnight, I decided to hide in the garage behind my motorcycle so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with 'the girls'. It was at that moment, crouching behind my Harley, that I noticed that the cam cover had a hairline crack.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealership where I bought it?

Thanks.

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe:

I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs. phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up.

My wife has been going out with 'the girls' a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, 'just some friends from work, you don't know them.' I always try to stay awake to look out for her coming home, but I usually fall asleep. Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.

Around midnight, I decided to hide in the garage behind my motorcycle so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with 'the girls'. It was at that moment, crouching behind my Harley, that I noticed that the cam cover had a hairline crack.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealership where I bought it?

Thanks.

The answer to both of your dilemmas is the same: It depends on the skills you're packin', and what you've got in the way of tool(s).

​

 

[AVG-JOE]

 

[Statistikhengst]

Dear Joe,

I have two offers for an intensive Thai-massage, one full massage from a lovely Thai girl, the other the same massage with a $20.99 Ronco Vegamatic thrown in for just $50.99 extra.

Which deal should I take??

 

[AVG-JOE]

The first thing you're going to want to do is insist on a government-issued ID so you can verify that the Thai girl yoar talking to is a grown-up.

Just remember... it's amazing how long you can stretch things out when you've got money.

 

[eagle1462010]

Joe.............

Why do we drive on a Parkway and Park in a Driveway..............

I'm confused.................

 

[AVG-JOE]

Joe.............

Why do we drive on a Parkway and Park in a Driveway..............

I'm confused.................

It's the fault of the British and their ongoing bastardization of the American tongue.

Same reason shipping terms are so obscure. Some things you don't try to make sense of, you just use your spell-check and move on.

 

[IlarMeilyr]

Dear Joe:

My wife seems like she's in an amorous mood.

What's my next best move?

Sleepless in Seattle

 

[IlarMeilyr]

Joe:

I am searching for an EFFECTIVE hashtag comment.

Got any helpful hints?

Sleepless in Seattle.


(Oh shit. This isn't Seattle?)

 

[Sarah G]

Dear Joe,

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown, too?

 

[IlarMeilyr]

Dear Joe,

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown, too?

Or would it just lead to a point deduction for non-synchronicity?

 

[Sarah G]

Dear Joe:

My wife seems like she's in an amorous mood.

What's my next best move?

Sleepless in Seattle

Ha! I think you asked the right guy that question.

 

[WorldWatcher]

Dear Joe:

My wife seems like she's in an amorous mood.

What's my next best move?

Sleepless in Seattle

Tell her to put her clothes back on and come home from the neighbors house.



>>>>>

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe:

My wife seems like she's in an amorous mood.

What's my next best move?

Sleepless in Seattle

Extreme caution!

"Watch out boy, she'll chew you up!"
​

 

[AVG-JOE]

Joe:

I am searching for an EFFECTIVE hashtag comment.

Got any helpful hints?

Sleepless in Seattle.


(Oh shit. This isn't Seattle?)

​

​

You had ME at #AmorousWife, but I'm not your average twitdiot.

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe,

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown, too?

Like everything in life, it depends on training and commitment to the relationship. I can see passion running that deep in Monkeys.



If you mean among Dolphins, probably not.