Would You Remarry?

[Joz]

I'm coming in a little late, but on Karl's behalf, I don't see where he said he was judging you in any way, shape, or form, or stated that you "have nothing to offer".

I don't think his post was all that sexist, either.. He spoke from a male's (his) standpoint, based on whatever he chose to use as an example in his life.

Women do it all the time as well.

Over the years, I've come to notice that many women view men as something of a commodity. Someone to fix the sink or the car in exchange for sex. When they get tired of, or don't have any use for their current boyfriend, they exchange them for another.

He was not judging me, I am aware of that. And yes, he said 'many women', not all women. And yes, I'm really on the defensive.
I merely stated that I get tired of condescending men, since I'm in a predominately man's world when I'm a roadie. And I realize not all men are that way.

And just because women do it doesn't make it right.

 

[Mr. P]

That's it? LOL! Care to expound on that reply?

Yep that's it. Expound? Nope, no need.

 

[KarlMarx]

He was not judging me, I am aware of that. And yes, he said 'many women', not all women. And yes, I'm really on the defensive.
I merely stated that I get tired of condescending men, since I'm in a predominately man's world when I'm a roadie. And I realize not all men are that way.

And just because women do it doesn't make it right.

Sorry ladies... I didn't mean to come across as I did. Although I still stand by what I said.

Yes, some men can be pigs. Some are arrogant, and use the wrong head for thinking (Donald Trump, anyone?).

A manager in my area (who is a minister, to my chagrin) treats all of his administrative assistants (a.k.a. secretaries) like dirt.

Since I come from an Italian background, I've seen more than my fill of male bravado, stubbornness and arrogance. Believe me, I do not like it at all. I've never watched "The Sopranos", but I already know the plot line, if you know what I mean.

I'm dismayed to see women dating or married to guys that are like that and wonder why. I've seen women pass up decent guys for bad boys, or just dump them for some ne'er-do-well. I have to wonder at what passes for good judgement these days.

 

[KarlMarx]

I enjoy having a partner in life. But, all other things being equal, if my husband died tomorrow, I really doubt if I would remarry, at least not for a long time. My first consideration would have to be my children. Even if a man was crazy enough to want to marry me knowing I have FOUR kids, I would have serious reservations about it. It wouldn't be enough for him to just "tolerate" my kids; I would require actual love for them. It would be a rare man who could do that, it seems to me. And then, I would always probably feel like it was a little unfair for me to burden him with such a large family. Maybe after my kids were grown, I would have a stronger desire to remarry.

A good attitude.... I tried to rep you, but the system wouldn't let me. I've seen some of that, too. Men, and women, in a hurry to re-attach themselves to someone, forget that they're parents and the kids suffer.

One thing I've noticed is that after you get married, you're never single again, even if you divorce. Dating at 30, 40, 50 or even 60 isn't the same as dating when you're 20. At our age, almost all the prospective suitors come with a history and some baggage, not to mention children.

 

[GotZoom]

I think the question "Would you remarry?" is very similar to the question "Would you marry at all?"

You aren't going to marry someone you aren't in love with, aren't comfortable with, and trust implicity. What does it matter "which" wife she might be?

Marriages end in divorce for whatever reason. Yes, people get married too soon, too young, etc. Or sometimes everything is right and as the years go by, people change but just don't change together (my case). Ends up being better to split up than to stay in a situation that is unhealthy and unpleasant.

If someone is hesitant, for whatever reason (based on experience), then more power to them. If he/she has any doubts about the person or themselves, then they definitely should not get married.

I actually take my hat off to those who have doubts and don't get married. They know themselves and know what is right for them.

That is never a bad thing.

 

[no1tovote4]

If, tomorrow, your spouse passed away, or if you got divorced, would you remarry?

Divorced? Definitely not. If she passed, maybe... after the kids had grown of age.

 

[Joz]

Sorry ladies... I didn't mean to come across as I did. Although I still stand by what I said.Yes, some men can be pigs. .....
A manager in my area (who is a minister, to my chagrin) treats all of his administrative assistants (a.k.a. secretaries) like dirt. ......
I'm dismayed to see women dating or married to guys that are like that and wonder why. I've seen women pass up decent guys for bad boys, or just dump them for some ne'er-do-well. I have to wonder at what passes for good judgement these days.

Ladies? Since I'm the only one ready to fight you, I accept your apology. As I said, I was surprised by your statements. But I'm very quick to retaliate on some things. This so happens to be one of them. And I'd had some dealings with a guy Saturday night at a wedding gig and I think I took the brunt of it out on you. I apologize as well. But I still stand by what I said, also.

And I can't consciously sit here & say that some women aren't gold diggers. That there aren't truly b*tches. That they'll rake any man they can over the coals and destroy him any way they can. Especially if they were ever hurt by a man. They seem to make it their life's work.

As far as the "minister" treating someone like dirt. Someone needs to remind him why he became a minister. Maybe he should be de-frocked? He sure doesn't need to have any kind of power.

I don't understand people's choices any more than you. Men choose spiteful nags who make every friendly gathering miserable.
I know one young woman who won't get up off her butt yet yells for xxxxx to come do something for their little girl tho' he is busy having a conversation with the guys in another part of the house. The sad thing is, he does it. And this is among friends. Can you imagine his life when they're in private? And they just had a second child.

 

[dilloduck]

Ladies? Since I'm the only one ready to fight you, I accept your apology. As I said, I was surprised by your statements. But I'm very quick to retaliate on some things. This so happens to be one of them. And I'd had some dealings with a guy Saturday night at a wedding gig and I think I took the brunt of it out on you. I apologize as well. But I still stand by what I said, also.

And I can't consciously sit here & say that some women aren't gold diggers. That there aren't truly b*tches. That they'll rake any man they can over the coals and destroy him any way they can. Especially if they were ever hurt by a man. They seem to make it their life's work.

As far as the "minister" treating someone like dirt. Someone needs to remind him why he became a minister. Maybe he should be de-frocked? He sure doesn't need to have any kind of power.

I don't understand people's choices any more than you. Men choose spiteful nags who make every friendly gathering miserable.
I know one young woman who won't get up off her butt yet yells for xxxxx to come do something for their little girl tho' he is busy having a conversation with the guys in another part of the house. The sad thing is, he does it. And this is among friends. Can you imagine his life when they're in private? And they just had a second child.

You gotta avoid those groupie gatherings ! :teeth:

 

[Joz]

You gotta avoid those groupie gatherings ! :teeth:

You know, Mm & I have found something that works, when we go on gigs. (most of the time ) That has no reflection on the other wives, but many times they take it as such.
And the men tend to treat me like I'm just some peon that Mm managed to find that will do this horribly heavy work for him. That I must be doing it because I'm too dumb to do anything else; that I want the glamour of being the sidekick of the guy on stage. What self-righteous BS.
And that's what irritates me. They know nothing about who I am or our relationship, yet treat me this way.
What happened to just plain manners ???

 

[dilloduck]

You know, Mm & I have found something that works, when we go on gigs. (most of the time ) That has no reflection on the other wives, but many times they take it as such.
And the men tend to treat me like I'm just some peon that Mm managed to find that will do this horribly heavy work for him. That I must be doing it because I'm too dumb to do anything else; that I want the glamour of being the sidekick of the guy on stage. What self-righteous BS.
And that's what irritates me. They know nothing about who I am or our relationship, yet treat me this way.
What happened to just plain manners ???

Why don't you just tell em that you're engaged to the guy on stage?

 

[5stringJeff]

I voted maybe. I'm not sure if I would get remarried at all if I got divorced (not that Angela and I would ever consider that). If she died unexpectedly, though, I would certainly consider it, but if I still had the kids, then I'd at least wait until Kayla was out of high school.

 

[Joz]

Why don't you just tell em that you're engaged to the guy on stage?

They know that when Mm introduces me, not as his girlfriend, but as his fiancee. I'm referring to the other musicians (This was a last-minute, fill-in gig. I'd never met 2 of the musicians.) I get more respect from the patrons.

 

[dilloduck]

They know that when Mm introduces me, not as his girlfriend, but as his fiancee. I'm referring to the other musicians (This was a last-minute, fill-in gig. I'd never met 2 of the musicians.) I get more respect from the patrons.

Do you really expect to be treated with respect by everyone?

 

[Nienna]

Do you really expect to be treated with respect by everyone?

Sometimes, depending on many factors, lack of respect just really gets to you more than at other times.

 

[dilloduck]

Sometimes, depending on many factors, lack of respect just really gets to you more than at other times.

ahhh my bad----I guess Joz was venting? I always fall for that "somethings broke" thing.

 

[jillian]

I'm jumping in a bit late on this thread, though I've been reading along as you've all commented. And just as an observer, it seems to me that the answer to the question is very much tied in with one's religious beliefs and the manner in which marriage is regarded in the first instance. For example, if one doesn't believe in divorce, one is going to be less likely to either presume that a divorce will occur or consider remarriage afterward.

It seems to me that the rate of divorce in a second marriage is fairly high because people often make the same mistakes the second time around that they did the first time. You are also dealing with a subset of society that accepts divorce (having been through one prior) rather than a subset containing the initial group, a percentage of which doesn't perceive of divorce as an option.

I don't believe people should remain unhappy together simply because they have children, not in spite of the children's needs, but because of them. And that's because I don't think we do children a favor if they grow up seeing an unhappy, dyfunctional marriage between their parents. It's part of our obligation as parents, IMO, to teach them, by example, how to have a happy, well-adjusted partnership with someone we love. Doesn't make divorce an easy decision, just makes it a more acceptable one.

So...all that being said, I think we're not solitary beings and if we can find happiness, we should do so. But after a divorce, the kids who do best seem to be the ones whose parents don't trash each other after, but remember that this is the children's only mother/father and they should be encouraged to have a strong bond with both parents, free of whatever hostility the parents may have for each other.

So yeah...I would remarry, but never interfere with my son's relationship with his father. I also wouldn't bring home my dates to meet my son unless the relationship were clearly going to end in something permanent because I wouldn't want him to get attached to someone and then not have that person in his life anymore simply because we broke up.

Sorry for all the words....just the issue is interesting.

 

[fuzzykitten99]

It depends on my age at the time. I would say, age 55 or younger, I might.
After that, I doubt it. It would entirely depend on my feelings of spending the rest of my life without a companion or with someone else. I don't like to think about that and don't want to unless the time actually came.

 

[Joz]

Do you really expect to be treated with respect by everyone?

In this day & age, naah. But I would like the manners I spoke of. A simple "How do you do?" and then get out of my way & keep your snide remarks to yourself. They are unwarranted and unsolicited.

it seems to me that the answer to the question is very much tied in with one's religious beliefs and the manner in which marriage is regarded in the first instance. For example, if one doesn't believe in divorce, one is going to be less likely to either presume that a divorce will occur or consider remarriage afterward......So...all that being said, I think we're not solitary beings and if we can find happiness, we should do so.

As a Christian I did not believe in divorce. It wasn't suppose to happen. I was to grow old with my husband. But it did happen; after 21 years. The last six were spent in trying to make it work. I still grieve the demise of my marriage. Not that speculation does any good because the past is just that. And even God can't change it. But I'm sorry to say the word, divorce.

But how can you control love? How do you say that you won't remarry? I know that Musicman is a gift from God. This is not to say that the relationship doesn't ebb & flow like any other relationship. I get p*ssed at him, he gets hurt by me.....because we are human and we screw up. But God put us together for a reason.

 

[dilloduck]

In this day & age, naah. But I would like the manners I spoke of. A simple "How do you do?" and then get out of my way & keep your snide remarks to yourself. They are unwarranted and unsolicited.

Consider the source---Hang around some places where people who have manners are more likely to hang out.

 

[Trigg]

If something happened to my husband I would consider getting married again.

I enjoy being married and having someone who I trust completely and can talk to about anything. Of course having 4 kids would make it hard to even think about getting into a relationship.

I always tell people that I would have the perfect husband *if he could only figure out that his socks go in the hamper instead of beside it.* Ah well........