Discussion in 'Humor' started by Shattered, Nov 24, 2004.

  1. Shattered

    Shattered Guest


    by An Unknown Brilliant Woman Author

    Women over 40 don't have babies because
    they would put them down and forget where they left them.
    Isn't that the TRUTH!!!

    One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound
    box of candy can make a woman gain 5 lbs.

    My mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves completely.

    The best way to forget all your troubles
    is to wear really tight shoes.

    The nice part about living in a small town is that when
    you don't know what you're doing, someone else does.

    The older you get, the tougher it is to lose
    weight because by then, your body and your fat
    are really good friends.

    Just when I was getting used to yesterday,
    along came today.

    Sometimes I think I understand
    everything, then I regain consciousness.

    I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept
    rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.

    Amazing! You hang something in your closet
    for awhile and it shrinks two sizes!

    Skinny people irritate me! Especially when
    they say things like, "You know, sometimes I just
    forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address,
    my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've
    never forgotten to eat. You have to be
    a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.

    A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth
    control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.

    The trouble with some women is that they get all
    excited about nothing and then they marry him.

    I read this article that said the typical
    symptoms of stress are: eating too much, impulse buying,
    and driving too fast. Are they kidding?
    That is my idea of a perfect day.

    I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that
    nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.

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