Who can make Bootneck Laugh?

[random3434]

On their way to getting married, a young couple is involved in a fatal car accident. They find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates, waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter shows up, they ask him. St. Peter says, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked that. Let me go and find out,' and he leaves.

The couple sit and wait, and wait. Two months pass and the couple is still waiting. As they wait, they discuss that if they were allowed to get married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all. 'What if it doesn't work?' they wondered. 'Are we stuck together forever?'

After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. 'Yes,' he informs the couple, 'you can get married in Heaven.'

'Great!' says the couple, 'But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Can we also get a divorce in Heaven?'

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground.

'What's wrong?' ask the frightened couple.

'OH, COME ON!' St. Peter shouts, 'It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?'

 

[sigmundjohn]

Hi.....,

It was a very nice joke. Keep on going...

 

[PatekPhilippe]

Here's one for ya....
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ylsz9_Pwkww&feature=related]YouTube - Military Bloopers[/ame]

 

[PatekPhilippe]

Damn Yanks!!!!!!! Think they know everything!!!!!
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZD62OhaDTI&feature=related]YouTube - One of the worst navy accident ever![/ame]

 

[Mr.Fitnah]

A group of 40 year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waiters there had tight pants and nice buns.

10 years later at 50 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there was very good, the wine selection was good also, and the waiters were cute.

10 years later at 60 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could eat there in peace and quiet, the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean, and the waiters were sweet boys.

10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was wheel chair accessible, they even had an elevator, and the waiters were kindly.

10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.

 

[ConHog]

Damn Yanks!!!!!!! Think they know everything!!!!!
YouTube - One of the worst navy accident ever!

That's funny

 

[kurtsprincess]

Loved this thread!!!

 

[Colin]

Three mates are walking to the pub, one Bootneck and two Matelots. When crossing the road to get to the pub a speeding car runs over and kills the Royal. The Police turn up and ask the jacks the name of the deceased, they say 'I don't know', the cop asks them if they knew where he lived, they say 'I don't know. The copper is getting fed up and says, 'Do you know anything about this bloke' and one jack says 'Well he's got two arseholes', the cop says, 'How do you know that?' and the matelot says, 'Well every time we go into the pub the barman always says, here's that bootneck with the two arseholes.'

 

[Valerie]

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLI0MEc_CJ4&feature=related]YouTube - Time Traveling with Craig Ferguson, 4.19[/ame]

 

[SFC Ollie]

A frog hops into a bank and tells the teller Whose name he notices is Patricia Whack that he would like a loan for $30,000.

The teller asks the frog his name and he says he is Froggy Jagger, son of Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones.

The teller looking doubtful says that he would have to put up some sort of collateral.

The frog pulls out this small pink elephant perfectly rounded and obviously of porcelain and good quality. The frog hands it to the teller and says "besides I know the bank manager."

At this the teller picks up the elephant and says she will be right back as now she must speak with the manager.

She goes into the managers office and explains everything that had transpired thus far.

The manager thinks for a moment and then says:

(I hope you're ready for this)


"It's a nic nac Patty Whack
Give the Frog a loan
His old man is a rolling Stone."

 

[syrenn]

I dont know who bootneck is or why we are supposed to make him laugh. I bet this works

(hope im not breaking any rules posting a pic like this )

 

[random3434]

I dont know who bootneck is or why we are supposed to make him laugh. I bet this works

(hope im not breaking any rules posting a pic like this )

Don't worry, he would laugh his ass off at that pic, then say something funny about those being her balloons that got her all the way up there or something like that............

 

[California Girl]

http://www.usmessageboard.com/the-flame-zone/120542-jeny-eliza.html

If this doesn't make Boot laugh, nothing will.

 

[syrenn]

I dont know who bootneck is or why we are supposed to make him laugh. I bet this works

(hope im not breaking any rules posting a pic like this )

Don't worry, he would laugh his ass off at that pic, then say something funny about those being her balloons that got her all the way up there or something like that............

She brought her own life vest or is she is trying to help the saudies along with their breast feeding fatwa?

 

[ConHog]

A navy C130 is flying over the ocean and ends up ditching at seas. There are only 3 survivors , a Recon Marine, an Airborne Ranger, and a Navy SEAL. They make their way to an island, where they are promptly captured by a local tribe.

After 3 days The Chief approaches their cell and announces that they are guilty of trespassing on holy land and they must face their punishment.

He points to the Ranger and say you must choose between unga bunga and death. The Ranger doesn't have a clue what unga bunga is but figures it must be better than death, so he chooses unga bunga

Are you sure asks the chief. yes answers the Ranger. "Unga Bunga" shouts the chief to which 10 native men grab the Ranger and take turns butt fucking him for an hour. After which they give him a canoe and point him towards home.

The next day the chief again approaches the cell and this time points at the SEAL, you must choose, death or unga bunga. Well of course the SEAL knows what to expect but still figurs well its better than death. So he says "I'll take unga bunga" Are you sure replies the chieif. Yes. So the Chief yells out "unga bunga" at which 20 young natives grab the SEAL and ass rape him for 2 hours , after which they put him in a canoe and point him toward home.

The next morning the chief approaches the lone remaining man, the Marine. Well, I supposed you will chooose unga bunga as well he asks the marine. THe marine stands up as straight as he can and says "semper fi, i choose death"

The chief eyeballs him and says are you absolutely sure? The marine look him dead in the eye and says yes. The chief shrugs and says so be it.

Then he bellows out DEATH.................................................



BY UNGA BUNGA

 

[PatekPhilippe]

I dont know who bootneck is or why we are supposed to make him laugh. I bet this works

(hope im not breaking any rules posting a pic like this )

Ah...so now we see where those Imams get the earthquake scenarion for women having sex. It's all quite clear now...
"Hey Abdullah...check out those jugs!!!!! I'd like to shove my disco stick right between those!!!!"
"No shit Aqmed...if she swung those and hit the Kaaba the earthquake would destroy Mecca!!!"

 

[Mr.Fitnah]

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship
holding her hat tight
so that it would not blow away in the wind..


A gentleman approached her and said,
"Pardon me, madam.
I do not intend to be forward
but did you know that your dress
is blowing up in this high wind?"


"Yes, I know," said the lady.
"I need both my hands
to hold onto this hat."

"But madam, you must know that you are
not wearing any panties
and your privates are exposed!"
said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down,
then back up at the man
and replied,
"Sir, anything you see down there
is 85 years old.
I just bought this hat yesterday!"

 

[syrenn]

How is bootneck doing anyway? Is he laughing yet?

 

[SFC Ollie]

This will make him laugh, or groan.

(from email)


> NINE WORDS WOMEN USE
> (1) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
>
>
> (2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means one-half hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
>
>
> (3) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
>
>
> (4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
>
>
> (5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
>
>
> (6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
>
>
> (7) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint.. Just say you're welcome. (This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - which is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' -- that will bring on a 'whatever'.)
>
>
> (8) Whatever : Is a woman's way of saying Screw YOU!
>
>
> (9) Don't worry about it, I've got it: Another dangerous statement , meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking, 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response, refer to # 3.

 

[Mr.Fitnah]

An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian Family."

No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again all was quiet.

Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.