Who can make Bootneck Laugh?

Discussion in 'Humor' started by random3434, Apr 22, 2010.

  1. random3434
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    random3434 Senior Member

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    Recruit gone AWOL

    As the sun rose over Parris Island, the senior drill instructor realized that one of his recruits had gone AWOL. A search party was dispatched immediately. After a few hours the recruit was discovered hiding in some bushes. He was sent back to the base and promptly escorted to the drill instructor's office. The instructor asked the young recruit, "Why did you go AWOL?"

    The recruit replied, "My first day here you issued me a comb, and then proceeded to cut my hair off. The second day you issued me a toothbrush, and sent me to the dentist, who proceeded to pull all my teeth. The third day you issued me a jock strap, and I wasn't about to stick around and find out what would follow that SIR."
     
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  2. random3434
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    random3434 Senior Member

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    A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand-dune. "One Royal Marine is better than ten taliban". The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.
    The voice then calls out "One Royal Marine is better than one hundred taliban". Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
    The voice calls out again "One Royal Marine is better than one thousand Taliban". The enraged Taliban Commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannon, rocket and machine gun fire ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence.
    Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men, its a trap. There's actually two of them."
     
  3. Valerie
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    Valerie Gold Member

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  4. Valerie
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    Valerie Gold Member

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  5. Valerie
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    Valerie Gold Member

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    [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZsBmoJfv2Vs&feature=PlayList&p=0273D666DB8031F9&playnext_from=PL&index=0&playnext=1]YouTube - Military Humor[/ame]
     
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  6. xsited1
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    xsited1 Agent P

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    I just dropped my pants.
     
  7. uscitizen
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    uscitizen Senior Member

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    We are not trying to make him nauseous.
     
  8. random3434
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    random3434 Senior Member

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    Taxes

    A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.

    The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions."
    He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. And then asks, "What is your occupation?"

    "I'm a whore," she says.

    The accountant is somewhat taken back and says, "No, No, No, that won't work. Let's try to rephrase that"

    The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl".

    "No, that still won't work. Try again."

    They both think for a moment and the woman says, "I'm an elite chicken farmer."

    The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?

    "Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year."
     
  9. Valerie
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    Valerie Gold Member

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    [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puMz1Q3E000]YouTube - Robin Williams - Bush & Obama - we are most amused, london[/ame]
     
  10. Conspiracist
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    Conspiracist Snuggle weather rocks!

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    Dear God,
    This year you have taken from me my favorite actor, Patrick Swayzee.

    You took my Favorite model/actress Farah Fawcett

    You saw fit to take away an all time favorite singer/performer Michael Jackson.

    God, I just wanted to let you know that Barrack Obama is my all time favorite president.

    :eusa_whistle:
     
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