So, I talked about MEPS on another topic, and I was wondering, did any of yall have insane MEPS experiences? Here is mine, it's rather lengthy, but it ended up being quite a fun day.
Stage 1: We arrive in Memphis Tennessee right outside the Airport where they strategically placed our hotel so we could get NO DAMN SLEEP. Immediately half the DEP'ers in my company go to smoke outside [not a wise choice on their part], and then the other half stock the candy machines, since we hadn't ate yet that day. WAIT! We have food! So, they show us this half-ass buffet, and I mean half-ass, their was about 8 things to pick from, and you could fill your plate up, now I, like most Americans believen seconds/thirds/fourths, but before this, they sort of warned us. "This is paid for by the US Government, boys." We all get through the line once, and a sorry DEP'er walks up to get another plate [none of us really 'stocked' we where all testing], let me tell you, the shit has hit the fan. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ANOTHER PLATE?" Apparently, we had forgot he told us only 1 round [He forgot to tell us.] So, we are all like, DAMN. We had 2-3 people show up late, let's just say we had them stock up on rolls for all of us, I think one guy had to have at least 30 rolls on that plate. We where not allowed any caffeine drinks, so we had some sort of crappy lemonade, but it was actually tasty to me, of course I was raised on well water lol.
Stage 2: I met my roommate, well, let me explain. I am 5"5, Irish Flat-foot, and I take serious pride in my strength. My roommate, is 6"7-6"9 [depends if I have boots on or not] and he comes up to me "looks like we are roommates" and all I can think is "Fe-Fi-Fo-Fum. What beanstalk you fall from?-Major Payne" and I find out, he is going into the USAF to be come a DENTIST. So, we are eating and we all come up with the joke "What you gonna be a dentist for Giraffes?"
Stage 3: Wake up Call, well, it's early we get up at 4:15, cause they said breakfast starts at 5:00 and we knew it'd take at least 20 minutes for us to get ready and we needed to get to eat before others [hungry!] so we get done, we go down, and holy crap, guess what? buffet from hell. My eggs where nets, no wait, my nets where eggs, either way, wtf. The sausage had grease possibly producing on the inside.
Stage 4: The Bus. Well, this is peaceful, riding with about 60 other guys in a nice charter bus, problem is, we are stacked to high heaven, everyone is sleepy and grumbling and half the DEP'ers are trying to start a branch war. We get there, this tiny tiny [smaller then me, and half my size] guy walks up, and says real calmly "Ok, your at the MEPS station, yadayayad" everyone is grumbling stepping up, getting off "What the hell! I didn't tell you to move!" Then he calls out names and gets seriously pissed cause no one can figure out their last name and yell "Here" I yelled so damn loud everyone was like "wtf" at me, I was just terrified to fail to yell lol.
Stage 5: MEPS- The Medical Wing: Wow, this is awkward, so we are getting our eyes/ears/butts checked, and we are in a room that looks like a professional gym's locker room, we strip down to our underwear [Irish Pride boxers!] and we realize, their is one guy that sticks out, this guy who I found out is 38, walks up to me, he asked how old I was I replied 17 [was at the time] and he thought I was older so he stuck with me [probably because I have the facial hair stuff] so we are talking and I notice, he isn't wearing boxers, briefs, or even whitey titeys, he has on some sort of man-speedo, and where you think a man's privates would be, some sort of anaconda, was in this guy's speedo. Naturally, every guy in the room is pretty "oh my god" but I kept my calm, if for no other reason I didn't want to be like "wtf is it" so you go in a room, and spread em, but you only get checked [stick their hand up your ass] etc etc. Then I get knocked down by a Army Nurse, she yells at me and tells me to "move with a purpose!"
Stage 6: MEPS- Contract Wing: I meet our AF Advisor, nice guy, he is I think a E-7 or E-8 so he is pretty high up, and he helps me pick out my top jobs, etc. We realize, we are the only branch with 1 Advisor, even the Marines [smallest 'branch'] have 3. So when we get done, we go to sign our contract, and we take our Oath. Awkwardly, we found out the night before one of the guys was gay, and so when we took our oath, we had a part about the Don't Ask Don't Tell Policy, we all [rather hilarious] kept our stance, but turned and looked at him for about 3 seconds lol. The very end, after you've done all of it, you sign your Life Insurance Policy, well, this is kinda funny, I meet this guy and he says "Who do you want to have your body?" and I go "What?" Must admit, I laughed, then was like, oh......
Stage 7: Operation, GTFOOM [Get The Fuck Out Of Memphis]- My bus driver is a retired Marines/Guard Veteran, and we talk about the weather, and stuff the whole way home, we are riding in this crappy transportation van, and it's just me and him now since my other DEP'ers where all belong to a different city [my dep's alternate dep] and the ride took forever. I dropped off, met my sergeant, and got picked up to go home.
MEPS- Long, Long day, sort of awkward, but in the end you learn this:
1. Don't wear a speedo unless you have some serious self-pride.
2. Dentists come in all shapes & sizes.
3. Read, Read, and Re-Read your contract before you sign anything, doesn't matter how much of a hurry the guy is in, screw time, it's your life.
Warning: Their was 102 people going to MEPS. 13 out of that 102, are USAF/ANG, so you do the math, we are the SERIOUS minority, we are out-numbered by everyone else. The largest was the National Guard, they had I think 30-35 DEP'ers. Also, 31 failed at MEPS to get all the way in.
Stage 1: We arrive in Memphis Tennessee right outside the Airport where they strategically placed our hotel so we could get NO DAMN SLEEP. Immediately half the DEP'ers in my company go to smoke outside [not a wise choice on their part], and then the other half stock the candy machines, since we hadn't ate yet that day. WAIT! We have food! So, they show us this half-ass buffet, and I mean half-ass, their was about 8 things to pick from, and you could fill your plate up, now I, like most Americans believen seconds/thirds/fourths, but before this, they sort of warned us. "This is paid for by the US Government, boys." We all get through the line once, and a sorry DEP'er walks up to get another plate [none of us really 'stocked' we where all testing], let me tell you, the shit has hit the fan. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ANOTHER PLATE?" Apparently, we had forgot he told us only 1 round [He forgot to tell us.] So, we are all like, DAMN. We had 2-3 people show up late, let's just say we had them stock up on rolls for all of us, I think one guy had to have at least 30 rolls on that plate. We where not allowed any caffeine drinks, so we had some sort of crappy lemonade, but it was actually tasty to me, of course I was raised on well water lol.
Stage 2: I met my roommate, well, let me explain. I am 5"5, Irish Flat-foot, and I take serious pride in my strength. My roommate, is 6"7-6"9 [depends if I have boots on or not] and he comes up to me "looks like we are roommates" and all I can think is "Fe-Fi-Fo-Fum. What beanstalk you fall from?-Major Payne" and I find out, he is going into the USAF to be come a DENTIST. So, we are eating and we all come up with the joke "What you gonna be a dentist for Giraffes?"
Stage 3: Wake up Call, well, it's early we get up at 4:15, cause they said breakfast starts at 5:00 and we knew it'd take at least 20 minutes for us to get ready and we needed to get to eat before others [hungry!] so we get done, we go down, and holy crap, guess what? buffet from hell. My eggs where nets, no wait, my nets where eggs, either way, wtf. The sausage had grease possibly producing on the inside.
Stage 4: The Bus. Well, this is peaceful, riding with about 60 other guys in a nice charter bus, problem is, we are stacked to high heaven, everyone is sleepy and grumbling and half the DEP'ers are trying to start a branch war. We get there, this tiny tiny [smaller then me, and half my size] guy walks up, and says real calmly "Ok, your at the MEPS station, yadayayad" everyone is grumbling stepping up, getting off "What the hell! I didn't tell you to move!" Then he calls out names and gets seriously pissed cause no one can figure out their last name and yell "Here" I yelled so damn loud everyone was like "wtf" at me, I was just terrified to fail to yell lol.
Stage 5: MEPS- The Medical Wing: Wow, this is awkward, so we are getting our eyes/ears/butts checked, and we are in a room that looks like a professional gym's locker room, we strip down to our underwear [Irish Pride boxers!] and we realize, their is one guy that sticks out, this guy who I found out is 38, walks up to me, he asked how old I was I replied 17 [was at the time] and he thought I was older so he stuck with me [probably because I have the facial hair stuff] so we are talking and I notice, he isn't wearing boxers, briefs, or even whitey titeys, he has on some sort of man-speedo, and where you think a man's privates would be, some sort of anaconda, was in this guy's speedo. Naturally, every guy in the room is pretty "oh my god" but I kept my calm, if for no other reason I didn't want to be like "wtf is it" so you go in a room, and spread em, but you only get checked [stick their hand up your ass] etc etc. Then I get knocked down by a Army Nurse, she yells at me and tells me to "move with a purpose!"
Stage 6: MEPS- Contract Wing: I meet our AF Advisor, nice guy, he is I think a E-7 or E-8 so he is pretty high up, and he helps me pick out my top jobs, etc. We realize, we are the only branch with 1 Advisor, even the Marines [smallest 'branch'] have 3. So when we get done, we go to sign our contract, and we take our Oath. Awkwardly, we found out the night before one of the guys was gay, and so when we took our oath, we had a part about the Don't Ask Don't Tell Policy, we all [rather hilarious] kept our stance, but turned and looked at him for about 3 seconds lol. The very end, after you've done all of it, you sign your Life Insurance Policy, well, this is kinda funny, I meet this guy and he says "Who do you want to have your body?" and I go "What?" Must admit, I laughed, then was like, oh......
Stage 7: Operation, GTFOOM [Get The Fuck Out Of Memphis]- My bus driver is a retired Marines/Guard Veteran, and we talk about the weather, and stuff the whole way home, we are riding in this crappy transportation van, and it's just me and him now since my other DEP'ers where all belong to a different city [my dep's alternate dep] and the ride took forever. I dropped off, met my sergeant, and got picked up to go home.
MEPS- Long, Long day, sort of awkward, but in the end you learn this:
1. Don't wear a speedo unless you have some serious self-pride.
2. Dentists come in all shapes & sizes.
3. Read, Read, and Re-Read your contract before you sign anything, doesn't matter how much of a hurry the guy is in, screw time, it's your life.
Warning: Their was 102 people going to MEPS. 13 out of that 102, are USAF/ANG, so you do the math, we are the SERIOUS minority, we are out-numbered by everyone else. The largest was the National Guard, they had I think 30-35 DEP'ers. Also, 31 failed at MEPS to get all the way in.
